Magical Journey - Neverland 2011

I had felt it now for several months… Neverland and Los Olivos were calling me. I invited a good MJ friend, Robyn, to join me for the journey. We had met the first time over a year ago, while visiting Michael Jackson at Forest Lawn, Holly Terrace. There is a special bond that MJ fans have. No words need to be spoken and then suddenly every word spoken is about Michael Jackson. I remember the first day we met, both of us heart broken, tear filled eyes, and feeling lost. Although we had never met before we hugged, immediately shared both the love and grief that was suddenly flowing uncontrolled from our hearts and an instant bond formed. We are so different in many ways yet I knew she “Got It”. She knew I “Got It”. Since that day through the thick and thin of the MJ fan world we have remained friends. I have many MJ friends I have bonded with just this way, immediately sharing the invisible thread of LOVE for MJ and a seemingly endless sorrow and grief over his loss, coupled with an enormous joy of celebration over his life, music and all he shared with the world. I am so grateful for all my beautiful friends.

Robyn checked the weather for Los Olivos and in spite of record freezing temperatures and some mighty crazy winter weather which trounced the Southern California area over the past several days, pouring down hail storms, rain, wind and freezing cold the forecast said it would indeed be sunny and clear on Sunday. That we decided would be the day.

Sunday morning arrived miraculously bringing THE most beautiful, inviting, glorious day. The new morning sun glowing magnificently crystal clear, not one cloud in the sky, any signs of a storm had vanished, the air was fresh and crisp, washed clean. I simply can not remember a day so beautiful for a very long time, as if it was a special delivery gift straight from God, just for our Magical Journey to Neverland. 

We met at our appointed rendezvous spot, and with no time wasted joined forces, setting out down the road. Turning left out through the first beautiful valley, filled with rolling hills, orange and avocado trees which leads to the beach and on up north to the Santa Ynez Valley. As always this area felt like a comfortable old friend. I love this drive, it just simply never gets old, but today it was something even more special. Everywhere you looked the landscape was green and lush after the recent rainstorms, a feast for the eyes and senses. The green hills glistened shiny bright in the morning sun and urged us on to the Pacific. I felt a tug of resistance in my heart leaving the beauty of this little valley behind. I always see so many places of great interest and think, "I want to stop here... one day soon." No time to stop now... because my mission takes me onward toward Neverland. Feeling I must not waiver from what is calling me I make a mental note to return soon. My friend who has never seen this part of California before asks me, “What is the name of this beautiful valley?”  I have lived in this area for over 30 years and I draw a blank, “Hmmm.... I just call it ‘The valley that leads to the ocean’.” I had to laugh, sometimes you just take a road in life by habit and never look at the signs. Pondering this I nod to myself... "Oh so true on so many levels." 


We now make our right turn North out on to the 101 freeway and there I see just off to the left the Pacific Ocean begins to peek at us in the distance. We move at a quick pace along the freeway and suddenly there in all its majestic full view is the Pacific Ocean laying calmly, serenely, with waves lapping at the shore. The blue green ocean waters greet an azure blue sky, dotted by the Channel Islands lying in line one right after the other off in the distance. Words fail me here. It does not seem possible to adequately describe the beauty of this sight nor do my pictures capture it. Robyn points out, "Pictures can't convey this... it is truly an experience." This is simply not the usual view off the coast in Southern California, due to the smog that sadly fills the air most days. Also this view is not easily seen in the summer months when I usually make the trek to Neverland. June gloom, the low lying marine layer of clouds, which I also love, that creeps in over the ocean and down into the surrounding valleys prevents the view of the Channel Islands almost completely. Today though is an amazing gift, a most special treat for the eyes and senses and I drink it in completely. Lowering my window I’m greeted by the refreshing feel and smell of salt air on my face and laugh out loud as I ‘Oohhh’ and ‘Aahhhh’ while snapping pictures of the incredible shades of blue as far as the eye can see. I won't mention here in much detail how much this frightened Robyn as I drifted over the line while driving and said, "Ooops!"

 

The miles and the journey pass quickly, we talk easily and are lifted effortlessly along our way as we sing along with Michael's perfect voice. Soon we take the turn inland from the beach up into the mountains surrounding Santa Ynez Valley. I feel the pull of Neverland in this section of the drive even stronger. I think about all the times Michael must have taken this drive and how he must have loved the beauty of this land as well. The landscape here I am amazed to see still has the bright, summer wild flowers even in winter and we both wonder out loud “Is this Paradise?” Up the winding mountain road we climb. On the right I look over and see the snow topped mountains towering high above the the Santa Ynez Valley where Lake Chacuma is seated. Everywhere the trees are full of leaves, bright green with new dark red and purple spring growth sprouting out at branch ends creating an amazing contrast of color. The rolling hills and gentle mountains are spotted with wild flowers in white, purple, yellow and orange. I find myself wondering, “Does winter ever truly come to this magnificent part of the world?” Yet as I think this thought I smile as a picture of MJ pops into my mind. In this picture he is smiling a big gorgeous smile, dressed in a very warm looking leather jacket, on a very clear winter day much like the one I am currently experiencing. He is standing in front of one of his amusement rides in Neverland and is bubbling over with joy. I share this thought with Robyn, before I even finish my explanation of the picture she knows exactly which one I am referring to and she finishes my sentence. We laugh.

Figueroa Mountain Road or Neverland Road as MJ fans refer to it, is now ahead and as we take the right turn toward Neverland we find today our companions on this leg of the journey are some very easy going cows, many young calves nursing with their mommas and some bulls with mean looking horns. Squirrels are romping through the pastures at play and just as we turn a bend we come upon a group of wild turkeys taking shade under a tree. As we take in this sight I smile as I recall sweet Michael in one of the thousands of depositions he was forced to give. Michael politely confounds a greedy, snake of a lawyer when he talks about the leasing of the cows at Neverland for "Milk Money".



Before we know it we have arrived. We pull off the side of the road at the Neverland gates and within moments are greeted by a friendly security guard who tells us that although we are the only ones present now, on average according to their most recent count about 350 people a day visit the gates of Neverland. We tell him about the wild turkeys we just saw and he happily shares with us there is wild life everywhere on the nearly 28,000 acres which encompasses Neverland. I am very happy to learn from this security guard, unlike some in the past, that Michael’s land originally named Sycamore Valley Ranch, according to this friendly man, is still affectionately called Neverland by many currently on staff there now. Sharing about the wild life he tells us many times deer, come right down to the guard shack and find the flowers very tasty. They heartily resist being shooed away from the flower beds they nibble on and are not the least bit intimidated by the humans. Big wide eyed owls share their "Who? Who? Whos?" in the night air. It sounds as if even the animals have the sense to question just as the MJ fans do, "Who? Who? Who will be accountable for Michael's death?" Most interestingly he shares about three Gray California Foxes which actually climb trees and were spotted climbing up into the trees at the front gates where they sat lookout in the branches for quite some time. Also rattlesnakes and tarantulas have been spotted on occasion, as well as squirrels, bunnies, coyotes and even Bob Cats. Amazingly he shared that once Michael Jackson even saw a bear in his travels around Neverland along with his colleagues on another occasion.

I find a soft spot in my heart for this kind and amiable man as he shares with us that everyone who comes to Neverland falls in love with this place. I know what he means and I have never been inside the gates to the house. He shares his love of working at Neverland and simply can’t imagine working anywhere else, and also many who work there feel the same way as he does. Sharing that some days when they are off work for three days in a row they really miss it and long to come back to work. So much so that if he didn’t have the job anymore he would try to find a way to volunteer just to be on the land. There is a feeling here today, that is very special. I know that Michael left Neverland long ago, his world shattered, hurt, devastated, his heart and spirit broken. He stated he never wanted to return, saying “It isn’t a home anymore” after the Santa Barbara Police Dept and DA Sneddon invaded, ransacked and violated his home; but in spite of this I have found that anywhere Michael has been his beautiful spirit seems to fill the space now. The feeling of LOVE is ever present as if God has poured out a portion of MJ’s love over special ‘Michael’ places. I feel this spirit of Michael’s LOVE at Forest Lawn and Neverland the most. Yes, today I feel a special feeling at Neverland I have not felt before.

The guard takes a picture of the two of us from the other side of the gates looking out.

We stay for a while and meet other fans, take our pictures and then move on down the road to Los Olivos. I simply love this now familiar, picturesque little town, filled with wine tasting rooms, Inns, restaurants and art galleries. In talking with the local store owners I have learned that Michael used to drive into town, hop out of his truck or SUV and walk the streets just like all the other residents. There are many famous people who live in this area and they are always left alone. Today we stop by Young’s Gallery for a visit with Ralph. We share hellos and catch up a bit. He fondly shares his memories of Michael and his trips to Neverland and remembers a time when he visited Neverland while delivering a collection of framed art for Michael and relays that he and Michael were standing in Michael’s office when he noticed a mannequin of a man in the corner and on Michael’s desk was a huge collection of trinkets and nick-knacks that Michael had haphazardly arranged which he had received from fans from all over the world. My mind wanders to a video of Michael’s home movies which showed his collection of belongings and trinkets in his bedroom closet piled haphazardly this way and I laugh. 

It is now lunch time and I had learned from Ralph on a previous visit to town that Michael shopped at the local Grocery store many times, so we decide to visit and order lunch. The store owner freely and happily tells us Michael used to come in and buy goodies all the time. A man behind us with the heavy smell of alcohol on his breath over hears us talking about Michael Jackson and slurs a rude, vile comment about Michael. The mood immediately changes. No one is smiling now. Everyone in line including myself are shocked and disgusted. He is so offensive. The store owner who is standing behind the counter immediately displays an unappreciative look and chastises him, speaking up in Michael’s defense. My friend and I turn our focus on this vile excuse for a man and immediately tell him,”That is not true, a complete lie. Michael Jackson never hurt a child EVER.” He backs down, back peddles and says “Well... I knew the guy.” My New York friend minces no words, and in her N.Y. take no bull attitude lays the truth out for ALL to hear, “Well if you REALLY knew him then you most certainly would not say something like that. The fact that you said anything like that about him says you didn’t EVER know him.” Then a woman behind us speaks up, “Hey you need to shut your mouth. You don’t know what you are talking about!” The foul man tucks his tail between his legs and scoots out of the store. As we finish paying or our items amongst apologies from the store owner and his accolades about Michael's wonderful kind heart, I look at him and his assistant behind the counter and say, "Well he just picked the WRONG people to mouth off in front like that. Hopefully he learned a lesson." They both laugh and nod their heads. This whole conversation then leads us outside where some of the town folk who have lived in Los Olivos for years are gathered. They began to talk about the obnoxious, foul man, who made the ignorant comment about Michael in the store, telling us that everyone in town is just fed up with him. He is generally a miserable person who makes everyone's life miserable. A very interesting point is brought up stating that usually people who continually bring up that topic are themselves haunted by it in some way. They reassure us that he is an isolated jerk and that most all residents loved Michael Jackson. The offensive man retreats from the store and slides off to the safety of shadows on the other side of the street. The town folk we are talking to, who look like local ranchers, continue to glare toward him and look as if they could kick his butt at any moment, and as I watch them watching him I think to myself, “Hey I would so love to help on that one! If he says one more word about Michael...” but in my heart as much as I'd love to wallop him one... it is a waste of energy. I walk in LOVE and turn my attention to more positive things. 

We have found a common ground with these people we just met and immediately strike up a conversation learning that in 2005 during Michael’s most painful days they all lived in Los Olivos and some were Michael’s neighbors. Each had met Michael at one time or another and were invited by Michael to visit Neverland several times and enjoyed the amusement park, the rides and theater. Somehow I wasn’t surprised that generous, loving, giving Michael freely invited many of his neighbors to come and enjoy Neverland. They shared with us that most of the town’s people admired Michael greatly and thought he was a beautiful man. One man expressed passionately that he never hesitated for one minute to take his children to Neverland. He said everyone in town was happy to have Michael Jackson in their town and there was never any problem with him being there. No one ever bothered him and he freely walked the town as any other resident. Most importantly they felt he was one of their own when he lived there.

One story in particular which touched my heart for Michael, was shared by the lady who had just moments earlier stood in line behind us and come to Michael’s defense. It was about her aunt who lives on Figueroa Mountain Road, Michael’s road to Neverland. She shared that Michael’s neighbors who regularly visited Neverland with their children and loved him dearly were so upset for him during the trial in 2005 they decided they needed to let him know they supported and loved him. So her aunt  made a big sign and she wrote “Your neighbors love you and support you Michael!” Then when she knew his caravan would be traveling down the road on the way home from court, she stood out at the end of her drive way and held the sign high and waved to him. Michael was so touched he had his driver stop the car and he rolled down the window and personally thanked her. I wanted to cry with happiness to hear of the town’s support for Michael, especially during the trial. This is the first time I have had the chance to talk to several residents in Los Olivos about Michael Jackson. Several people openly and loudly stated they NEVER believed for a minute that Michael Jackson was ever guilty of hurting anyone, especially children. They stood by him the entire time and were very sad about what was done to him for money. They too were very sad to see him leave Neverland after the trial but they also understood why he felt he needed to go. 

Amazingly on our Neverland and Los Olivos journey we also met a wonderful man who had been on staff for Michael at Neverland. First he had been invited to visit Neverland as a guest and then was appointed a job working at Neverland. He shared some amazing stories. One story that was especially interesting to me was that it was rumored among the staff when Michael still lived in Neverland and before the trial that Michael had planned on purchasing the land just on the other side of the highest point of land on Neverland property. As you look through the front gates and straight up to the highest point just on the other side of that point you will find Zaca Lake, also referred to as the bottomless lake because it is so deep. According to Michael’s previous employee he had planned on buying Zaca Lake and the surrounding land which also lines right up to the border of the Neverland property. This land is also known to be an old spiritual Indian ground connected to another old Indian spiritual ground and town named, Ojai. I was intrigued when he further explained that Ojai lays just across the way in the adjacent, sister mountain range. Chumash Indian legend has it that these two are connected by a ‘spiritual energy bridge’ which looks much like a rainbow and this rainbow over looks Neverland. 

He also tells us of the days when he worked on Neverland and how beautiful and peaceful a place it was. I was so envious to learn he had even been privileged once to climb up into the ‘Giving Tree’ and sit for a quiet time just as Michael had so many times. I so long to reach out and hug the 'Giving Tree' for all she gave to Michael and the world through Michael. He shared that it was in the ‘Giving Tree’ that Michael wrote ‘We Are The World’ which is still this man’s favorite song of Michael’s. Also after having sat in the tree he could very easily see how Michael could have been so deeply inspired to write his music there, especially with Michael’s acute mind for music. He shared it was simply the perfect place for inspiration. He said anyone, an average person, could be inspired sitting up in the tree and looking down on the incredibly beautiful, peaceful lake and landscape. He too had felt the great inspiration which Michael must have felt while sitting in the ‘Giving Tree’. He revealed that Michael had a small platform built up on the high branch where he liked to sit, there were metal handles Michael used to climb the tree and also electricity for late night visits to the tree so Michael could see to write.

Having just seen the graffiti and broken lamps and missing stones from the front gates I felt I needed to take the opportunity to ask someone who had worked for Michael if anyone ever wrote on the walls when Michael lived there. He said occasionally people would write on the walls by the road and Michael did not like it at all. He would have it removed. He said Michael would say that he liked to receive the cards, letters, flowers and gifts and enjoyed those that were left for him by fans but absolutely did not like the writing on the old stone walls. I was astonished to learn it was not a new thing that fans would break and take things from Neverland as they have since Michael has been gone. He shared about one time in particular when the visitors were out of control with taking things. It was a weekend day when Michael had invited about 1,000 people to come and enjoy the amusement park. They arrived by bus loads about 10:00 a.m. staying until 6:00 p.m. enjoying all the rides, snacks, candy, ice cream, movies and music for free. Then at the appointed end time the security detail joined hands, stretched out in a line across the property and slowly began moving the group of people along, gently telling them it was time to go, that the day was done and everyone needed to leave. As the crowd moved and arrived at the bridge suddenly they realized they were in fact leaving Neverland, and began ripping up flowers out of the ground, grabbing plants and anything they could grab to take with them as memorabilia. The thought that they had been freely invited onto private property, Michael’s home, never seemed to matter to them.  I found myself shaking my head in disbelief at his words, yet just having seen the destruction to the front gates and lights; I felt in my heart he was telling me the truth. I just find it so hard to comprehend the selfish behavior of some people. What I would give to go back in time and visit Neverland and show Michael’s home the respect it deserved. I never cease to be shocked and amazed by the attitude, arrogance and sense of entitlement some people seem to have in the area of Michael Jackson, which is complete utter, stark contrast to Michael’s kind character. Michael, who had the purest heart, was one of the most giving, kind, considerate and humble human beings to have ever walked this planet. 

We left our new friends and went on to our next stop, the local hardware store. I had learned on my previous visit that Michael had purchased a red adult tricycle here for the ranch and I wanted to show Robyn. Maybe it is just MJ fans who notice these things but not far inside was also a Skittles candy machine and a straw type fedora aptly named "Jackson" Panama Hat. I have no idea if they have named this hat after MJ but leave it to us to spot these with no hesitation as if pulled to them like a magnate. We put the hats on and fool around posing and laughing but there is much more ground to cover and only so much day light in the winter months.

Moving on down around the corner is the next very special stop, Woeste Nursery. As we pile out of the car once again we are delighted by the sound we hear from the giant wind chimes hanging from the century old tree, playing their ancient, deep, harmonious notes. This sound greets us at the gate, inviting us, pulling us deeper in. We find ourselves lost in this fantasy land. I could spend hours and hours in this magical place. Simply everywhere you look you are reminded of Michael and I have to keep a tight reign on my wallet when visiting here. Robyn finds a succulent which she says looks like ‘dreads’, a light green group of layered, stringed succulent discs with red edges. We laugh out loud when she later names her new plant “Blood on the Dance Floor.” This time I escape without one purchase because sadly the string of giant butterflies I had planned on buying are sold out. I promise myself I will return in the summer when they promise me they will restock them.  

The day has moved on to afternoon and realizing that both Los Olivos and Solvang roll up the welcome mats and close up shop very early, even on the weekends, we reluctantly decide we need to move on to Solvang, but first we must check out the Lavender fields to see if they are blooming. Moving past the midtown flag pole and out toward the edge of town we are disappointed to realize that they will not be in full bloom for another couple of months. Ahhh Hah! Another great reason to come back soon. 

Solvang is now on our radar so we move steadily on down the back roads past the pristine horse ranches. This back road drive is simply gorgeous with its exquisitely fenced properties, plump, happy Shetland Ponies and beautiful horses with shiny coats, feeding on carpets of emerald green pastures.  I was very happy I knew the way already from previous visits and unlike previous visits did not get lost once. We rolled into Solvang and quickly found a place to park near some of Michael’s favorite candy and antique stores. I love walking the streets of this wonderful town, little Sweden nestled in the mountains of Santa Ynez Valley, filled with Tudor type architecture which Michael loved and white Christmas lights all year long. I found my souvenir for the day which of course reminded me of Michael, a necklace with a pair of floating silver wings on each side of a floating crystal heart. Yes that was my take home for the day. 

We quickly narrowed in on the antique store where I had previously met Dorothy, the owner of the Mole Hole who had met Michael several times. She originally had shown me the Violano Virtuoso, and today, Crit, was our salesman and historian. He shared with us that Michael shopped in this antique store many, many times and according to the store log he bought mostly gifts, womens jewelry but also some mens jewelry, as well as some antique pieces. I asked if I could take a gander at Michael's list of purchases but he declined saying it would be meaningless to me since they were all listed by item numbers and not piece names. I wondered if he was just trying to pull in a sale to buy a similar item that Michael bought. Then I remembered an interview with Geraldo where he spoke of not buying jewelry very often for himself but bought gifts for women in his life. Then thought well it is entirely possible Crit was speaking the truth but I never got my look at the list... at least I asked.  I had found a gorgeous antique ring I loved until I heard the price and Crit encouraged me by saying, "If Michael was here he would buy that for you as a gift." I thought, "Well, I wish he was here to buy it for me too!! I just wish he was here!!"

One antique piece Michael had definitely purchased for Neverland was the unique Violano Virtuoso. It is from the early 1900's and is a player piano and player violin in one machine. Crit proceeded to insert a coin and it began to play. I am not sure if it was the amazingly emotional day, or the fact that we knew we were standing where MJ had stood at one time and most likely listened to the same sound, or possibly the fact that moments earlier we were fondly remembering his beautiful and endearing "Yoo Hoo... Yoo Hoo" from another antique store when he became excited about a new find, or maybe just simply knowing that he loved all these type things and we did too, but when the sound poured out of this giant music box a flood of emotion took over. To us it was simply the most beautiful sound you can imagine, other than Michael's voice. I felt as though I was immediately transported back to a simpler time, at the turn of the 1900's. A lighter than air musical, carousel sound of both piano and violin simultaneously filled our ears. Robyn who had never heard it before was over come by the beauty, caught breathless, was unable to speak and began to cry. When the music finished we talked to Crit and another salesman about the emotion the piece brought forth and they smiled very kind, knowing smiles and comforted us saying, “Please don’t feel like you are the only ones to have ever felt this way. Everyone who hears the music has said the same thing. In fact there was one gentleman who came in and when the music played he immediately bought one of these for $60,000 without a second thought. He said he must have it because it took him back to early years, back to childhood with his mother and father.” That was in the 1980’s now they are selling for $72,000. Crit confirmed what was told to me by both Ralph, from Young's Art Gallery, and Dorothy, that Michael Jackson did in fact purchase one of the intricate music boxes.

Dorothy had also shared that Michael would take day trips out to Solvang, walk the streets, poke around and shop. He especially loved the book store, ‘Grand Tales’, which is no longer there but was on the corner next to the Mole Hole when Michael lived at Neverland. One day he was on just such a visit and entered the book store looking for his favorite book, ‘The Reluctant Dragon’ by Kenneth Grahame. She knew already from previous conversations with Michael this was his favorite book and made sure to keep them on hand. He would enter, she would greet him and then immediately smile and point him right toward the book. She said he liked to just stand in the store and read the books but also bought many. Dorothy was eager to share with me that Michael was a valued member of the community and gave generously to the local Rotary and also donated many items for auction to raise money for the town. You can always tell a true fan of Michael’s by the look on their face when they talk about him, and in Dorothy I saw that look of deep love and admiration on her face as she happily and freely talked about Michael Jackson. She shared that Michael was always polite, kind and generous. She jumped at the chance to share about one time in particular that clearly showed Michael’s sweet and considerate character. He clearly was just out shopping, looking for some quiet time and dropped into the bookstore. She had just pointed him toward his favorite book when suddenly patrons and tourists in town began to realize it was Michael Jackson. Soon he was surrounded by a crowd. Dorothy discreetly approached him and quietly offered to shut down the store so he could shop freely in peace. His response was an emphatic, “No, No this is your business!”, then stood there for hours, all afternoon, signing autographs and giving hugs. He never left once to take a break, get a drink or go to the bathroom. He just gave LOVE all day long. Yes, this was the kind heart of Michael Jackson.

We next decided we must have the traditional Swedish desert. We sought out a great Swedish café and as we entered the scrumptious smell met our nostrils and suddenly we were there for dinner instead. So we partook in the down home, comfort food, goodness of traditional Swedish Meatballs with mashed potatoes smothered in scrumptious gravy, along with a side of sweet and sour cabbage, topped off with a serving of delicate Apple Skivers covered with powdered sugar and drizzled with raspberry sauce. Pronounced ‘Skeevers’ as in Beaver Cleaver. I was amused to realize apparently our lovely waitress had tired of hearing tourists mispronounce the name and left me duly corrected. Robyn chimed in as she walked away, “Like Beaver Cleaver.” We laughed and both of us will now always remember the correct pronunciation.

After enjoying our scrumptious dinner we headed back to Neverland to see the very thing I had been waiting for all day… the waning crescent moon hanging over Neverland. I was surprised to learn that they no longer turn on the outside lamps at the gate and it is pitch black there except for the guard shack spotlight. I am unsure but it seems there has been so much damage to the lights by fans that they no longer work or it could be for conservation reasons. In any event it does make gazing up at the stars easier. To our amazement and my disappointment, and contrary to the moon phase calendar I checked before embarking on this Magical Journey there is NO moon out tonight at all, no waning crescent, no sliver of any kind to be seen anywhere. We walk up and down the road in the pitch dark listening to a group of bull frogs serenade us, thinking the view might be blocked by a tree but still find NO moon. Is this possible? I know nothing about astronomy except stars are pretty and the North Star is always near the moon. Tonight there is no moon so I am not even sure where the North Star is or which way is north so I can find it. Then I remember it is the brightest star. I look up at the stars and they are all so bright, in my mind there is no way of knowing. I have never seen stars this bright in my life. Robyn owns a telescope and loves to star gaze and we simply can’t take our eyes off this deep black ink sky. She, like a kid in a candy store, is pointing out constellations and naming them for me one after the other. I nod my head in amazement gasping over and over again, “Wow...Wow... this is so incredibly beautiful!” I have no idea what I am looking at beyond the Little Dipper except to say it is absolute utter beauty. Looking up it seems as though Tinker Bell has cast her wand and strewn across this black, velvet blanket hanging above us an array of glistening, sparkling diamond Pixie dust. As this scene grabs our attention it no longer matters that we can’t find the moon. The coziness I feel under this massive blanket of diamonds in the sky is beyond explanation. We stand, heads tilted way back and mouths hanging open gazing into the night sky… Speechless.

Having fulfilled our Magical Journey we climb on board, turn our car toward home, second star to the right and on past Neverland. Singing along with Michael sigh deeply and share, one... then the other “I still miss him so much.” “Yes… me too… I miss him so much.”

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The sound of this amazing music box has been described by MJ fan Siren from Canada as "The sound of angels weeping, touching the depth of your soul"

Some Violano Virtuoso facts: There are only 2,000 in existence today and one of them belonged to Michael Jackson. In the 1904 was listed by the U.S. government as the 8th greatest invention of the decade. Hand built by the Mills Novelty Company in Chicago, IL between 1900 and 1930. Violano Virtuoso was a 1900  equivalent to the modern day juke box. These music boxes were sometimes seen and heard in diners.

It is virtually impossible to get the beautiful sound of this music box via You Tube but I have attached a video here so you can see a comparison. This is not the song we heard but it is very pretty.

Christmas Eve at Holly Terrace 2010

I want to thank everyone who sent such lovely emails and messages and made comments. It brings me much joy to know that this story blessed you and helped you to feel closer to Michael.

However I have chosen in good conscious to delete this story. I can only advise all fans that if you want to be sure that your flowers are delivered inside to Michael Jackson please be sure to go directly through the Forest Lawn Florist shop. They are wonderful people and will work with you.

You are also guaranteed that the money you pay goes directly to the flowers you are purchasing, and what ever you purchase will in fact be delivered inside to Michael.

Forest Lawn Florist Shop:

Please contact Forest Lawn Florist Shop if you have questions or would like more information. Business hours are 8:00 a.m. - 5:00 p.m., Monday through Friday.

The mortuary staff is on-call 24 hours a day and can be reached at our 800 number below.

Phone 1-800-204-3131 International 1-323-254-3131 Email info@forestlawn.com

Mail Forest Lawn Memorial-Parks and Mortuaries 1712 South Glendale Avenue Glendale, CA 91205 Attn: Information Office

You can also purchase flowers for Michael Jackson online from the Forest Lawn Florist Shop: http://flowershop.forestlawn.com/

My Christmas Card 2010

Every year I receive those Christmas cards from, I am sure, well meaning people with the long news letter proclaiming how perfect their lives were the previous year, listing in great detail the luxurious vacations, exciting events and all the wonderful accomplishments of each family member. I hate those Christmas cards! They usually contain a typed letter about 2 to 3 pages in length of parental and wifely or husbandly bragging rights. I dread opening these… they only seem to point out how pitiful, woeful and unaccomplished my life seems. I tend to save my bragging rights for resumes to new employers on the latest job hunt. My children are in God’s most capable hands and have survived quite well a childhood and family life that I would not have chosen for them. Each turning out to be the most loving and caring people I know. None have graduated college and yet each of them are beautiful and accomplished in many amazing ways. I have the most precious grand children on earth and am amazed how God has healed my life after surviving not as many marriages and divorces as Liz Taylor but enough to number them as Jerk #1, 2 and 3, each one more disappointing than the previous, each one a lesson in who not to be drawn to and what not to do in life. Rather than long years of school resulting in initialed degrees behind my name, I seemed to have taken the path of surviving the pitfalls of heartache and pain reaped from abuse, drug addiction and alcoholism and the school of hard knocks. We all have our paths God sets us on and for each of us God has a purpose, God’s plan for us. Mine is one of survival, gaining the ability to turn pain into peace, contentment and joy, so I might reach out and help others. So this year when I received the shiny Christmas cards with the long dissertations that I loath from people I only hear from once a year anyway, I have chosen not to read them but file them unread in the “who cares, God bless you anyway” file… the trash can. Over the years I have often wondered what these people think as they address these lists of accomplishments to the single, struggling mothers on their list. Do they even pause to consider how their bragging makes others feel? Most likely not. Seems as though it is the one time of year they are allowed to blow their trumpet to validate themselves to the world. God bless them. Well I have chosen not to allow them to get to me this year. Instead I will hold my head high, count my many, many blessings and thank God for who I am, that person He created me to be and instead choose to feel immensely grateful for the path He has placed my feet upon.

My Christmas wish this year:

I am wishing and praying for PEACE and most of all the JOY of God’s LOVE to fill the hearts of all who read this and everyone I know. Those who believe and those who don't. I am praying for God’s love to permeate the hearts, minds and souls of each person, their lives, their families and all those they love. My gift to each of you this Christmas season is a prayer for God’s LOVE to be the motivating factor in all you do, the primal rudder of your lives this coming year. May your hearts abound in LOVE...L.O.V.E. for all those who come in and out of your lives in 2011. May you see the people who come into your life through God’s loving eyes…see them for all they may become instead the human frailties we all carry and expose to one another daily. May the power of God’s love allow resentments and unforgiveness toward family members, friends, neighbors and acquaintances or even God himself to peel back and fall away like dust in the wind this holiday season, vanished... as we move into this New Year 2011.

This is not my typical blog story of Michaeling but rather a mixture of wishes and prayers and sharing my heart about Michael Jackson's huge caring heart. More of a pouring out of my broken heart, still broken, still unable to comprehend what has happened to me and to this world with the loss of Michael Jackson and why it has affected me so deeply. This is the 2^nd Christmas without Michael Jackson on this earth. For many on this earth they go unscathed at the loss of Michael Jackson, yet for millions of us, who have felt the love of Michael Jackson in our hearts at a depth we never anticipated and still don't understand, we have felt immense anger at being deceived and manipulated by the media, we have felt anger and grief over the manipulation and destruction of a sweet, tender hearted man, a kind, caring, giving, genius of a man whose purpose on this earth was to make music and share love. Simply put our lives will never be the same, and still many, many more will slowly begin to open their eyes to who Michael Jackson truly was and to the ugliness of this world and how gossip, bullying, jealousy and greed can destroy others.

On June 25^th, 2009 the world, lost Michael Jackson. My life changed that day, “I will forever be counting backwards from June 25, 2009.” Some of my family and friends have not been able to understand why or how Michael Jackson, someone I never met affected me so greatly. I too have pondered many times over the same thing. Yet my life IS different today as I view the world through Michael Jackson's eyes, measuring life against Michael’s love for humanity and his concern and love for this planet, Earth. A walk of LOVE which is unparalleled in modern society. Michael reached out to the hurting in the world with the strong, powerful love of God in his heart. He truly was and still is an incredible example of how to walk in love and giving... as Jesus walked. Yet the human race took Michael Jackson for granted.

Michael suffered greatly as a child, he worked long relentless late night hours in the studio, going to places children should not go and performing one show after another, night after night, seeing things a small child should not ever be exposed to, living a life of violence and fear. He longed for his boyhood and he suffered from great, overwhelming loneliness and shyness. Sometimes we wonder why we experience the things in life we do. What possible purpose would God have to allow such violence against such a beautiful child or any child for that matter? In many cases God turns pain and suffering into empathy and compassion. Clearly Michael's childhood pain is what shaped his feelings of compassion for the hurting children, the sick and needy in the world.

Michael made it clear in his 1993 Grammy acceptance speech when he said, "Today I would like to thank all the children of the world. Including the sick and the deprived. I am so sensitive to your pain." Again in the "Living with Michael Jackson" special, which was a huge betrayal to Michael, he clearly stated, "I'm just very sensitive to their (the children's) pain, the family, the human condition." Michael took his pain and turned it into gold, caring for the sick and needy of the world. He gave of himself to others in mammoth proportions, in ways we everyday humans can only dream of.

Today like everyday since his passing I have thought of Michael throughout the day and am not sure that will ever change nor do I want it to. I have wanted for sometime now to write specifically about Michael's giving but it was so enormous I could not wrap the words around the thoughts in my head... until this month. So here during this season of giving I attempt to share about Michael Jackson's humanitarianism, his passionate, huge heart and world wide charity that encircled the globe and reached to just about every country and definitely every continent on this planet. There is no other human on this planet that has done this and Michael did it all quietly, humbly and without applause. Michael truly, deeply loved ALL children everywhere in the world. ALL children were Michael's heart as he has said several times, "I see the face of God in children."

Brett Ratner, Michael's good and loyal friend, said it so well in an interview when he shared a conversation he had with Michael:
“I know that people looked at Michael and thought he was strange, but to me, he was fascinating. He was the most inspirational person in my life. His one dream was to cure all the sick children in the world. And when I’d say, ‘Isn’t that impossible?’ Michael would just start to cry. He was very emotional.”

"Michael is a generous, honest, and sensitive human being, filled with amazing insight and the capacity for love. If this is weird, I want to go live on another planet." ~ Karen Faye

An uncontrollable 'pftt' and laugh escapes my lips when I think of those who claim to be filling Michael Jackson shoes. Just the very thought that they ‘could’ fill his shoes tells me they have too much arrogance or ignorance to even fill the baby toe in those beautiful, speed of light, God inspired loafers, for Michael Jackson was not just the genius of dance, song and music. His altruistic heart encompassed the globe. Yet Michael encouraged the young to practice hard and maybe one day become as good as he was at his craft. In Germany when he received the Bambi Millennium Award Michael spoke directly to the children of Germany saying, "Please go for your dreams. Whatever your ideals... you can be whatever you want to become. Become an astronaut or famous scientist, famous doctors, and of course become an artist... and maybe you'll get a Bambi award like me." He was in a playful mood that night, his child like spirit bursting forth as he talked and smiled. He was not yet aware there was a jackal in his midst who would betray him and strike the most devastating crippling blow and change his life forever.

Michael Jackson was truly about healing the world with the LOVE of God and his instrument of dance, music and creativity was just the vehicle which enabled him the ability to do his acts of charity, his real work. He was not a perfect human being for that is an oxymoron. Yes he was a “human being” but he strove to show us by example how to LOVE in this evil world.

I have struggled with the thoughts I have had toward Kenny Ortega and questioned over and over again, "Why? Why? Why didn't you protect Michael? Help Michael? He was your friend. He trusted you. Why?" I admit I still hold anger and GREAT disappointment towards Kenny Ortega. Here I work on forgiveness toward this man and others involved in Michael's life...here I ask God to take the lead as he knows every despicable detail of the events which led to Michael's death and every last one of the participants involved. Nothing escapes God. I debated on whether to post this video because Kenny Ortega is the one speaking, but this video talks like no other about the ultimate purpose of why Michael toured and the types of things he did for the sick and hurting that no one ever saw. The slanted media never reported these things in their quest to destroy Michael Jackson and gain ratings. This video truly shares what was most important to Micheal Jackson.

"My dear mother instilled in me very young to give back and as I grew in God I knew what I had to do as a believer in Christ." ~ Michael Jackson

It is a funny thing about death, when we loose someone we love, it seems as humans we tend to grasp on to and recall all that was good about that person, to place them on a pedestal. I did this with both my father and mother. Each had long illnesses at different times and I was blessed to be there for both to care for them, spend time with them, talk, share about our years together, laugh and cry, ask for forgiveness, and express many times over how much I loved and treasured them both, then finally to say our final goodbyes. Yet still I put them on a reverent pedestal when they passed and still do today. Which makes me wonder WHY in so many cases don’t we attempt to do this while people we love and care about are alive? Why don’t we honor those we love in this way while they still walk this earth and we can still get our arms around them and tell them how much we love them or how sorry we are we hurt them? Tell them while looking them in their eyes that no matter what mistakes they may have made we love them. To do so we must make ourselves vulnerable for rejection or ridicule. Yet this is my Christmas wish for each of us. To allow ourselves this freedom, no matter how uncomfortable it may feel at first, to reach out to those we love and tell them we love them… forgive them… hold them in our arms and convey our hearts. (I need to add here: I am not talking about anyone who is abusive... as I have said I come from an abusive background. Those type people still require forgiveness but from a distance. It is 'your' heart you are healing by forgiving others. You do not need to be in physical contact with someone to forgive them. Stay protected and keep your distance if this is your fate in life as it was mine.)

Christmas for me, since my childhood, has been my most favorite holiday season. All others were just precursors to Christmas, the ultimate holiday, where God’s LOVE and JOY prevailed every year no matter what the circumstances. No matter what event befell my life, everything stopped and the treasured Christmas decorations were dug out of the garage or attic depending on where I lived and we celebrated the birth of Jesus. No matter how meager or what painful experiences I carried it was a time of forgetting, a festive, exciting time. I remember one year as a child proudly giving my dad a new box of nails, his tremendous smile and hearty laugh as he engulfed me in his arms and smothered me in kisses. Oh my Lord, I loved my dad! I remember another penniless Christmas as a new, struggling, sober, alcoholic digging through drawers and discovering long forgotten treasures and wrapping them with love. I chuckle when I remember my ex not feeling as much joy about these gifts as I did. For me it was about the giving of the heart. However, now Christmas has changed for me. It is still and has always has been about the birth of Christ and sharing of ones heart but this year and last I feel so inexplicably different about Christmas since the passing of Michael Jackson. I find it hard to decorate the tree, to put out the family decorations I once took so much joy in digging out of boxes every year. Yes Christmas has definitely changed for me since Michael died. I no longer listen much to Christmas music that used to bring so much joy; it no longer has the jubilant, celebratory feeling for me it used to. Michael still plays non stop on my CD player, computer and in my car. Christmas for me will never be the same without Michael Jackson in this world. It's odd since I never met the man... but then life simply just will never be the same, everything has a different feel and meaning now as I look at life through the filter of Michael Jackson's heart and soul.

As a child Michael did not celebrate Christmas due to his Jehovah's Witness up bringing but as an adult Elizabeth Taylor made sure to show him how it was done and decorated his home for Christmas. It was a Christmas of LOVE and laughter that year as he opened many, many Super Soakers, his favorite water toy, besides water balloons, and as it turned out Christmas was Michael's favorite holiday. He kept Christmas decorations up all year long. Just look at the expression of wonder on his face in this picture as he gazes at his first real Christmas tree.

The tabloids, medialoid, led the world to believe many untruths about Michael Jackson but the real Michael Jackson was the greatest humanitarian the world has ever seen. He walked liked Jesus and practiced practical giving and shared quietly and anonymously God's LOVE. He believed that you gave from your heart because God wants us to take care of others who are hurting and less fortunate. Not to ring your own bell and put on display your altruism to the world like so many celebrities you see. He cared genuinely, deeply cared for the afflicted and hurting.

Michael had the ability to look into the eyes and hearts of the hurting and bring peace, assurance, healing and love into their lives. Michael read the bible daily and many including Michael testified to this fact. Michael knew what life was about and he emulated Jesus in so much of what he did in this world as he stated in an interview:
“Each day I take time out to study the Bible, no matter where I am. The teachings of the Bible have added a new dimension to my life. It, somehow, makes me whole."

In another interview Michael commented on what his children have taught him:
"A lot. (Parenthood) reminds you to do what the Bible has always taught us. When the apostles were arguing among themselves over who was the greatest in Jesus’ eyes, He said, "None of you", and called over a little boy and said, "Until you humble yourself like this child.”

Michael Jackson the King of Pop was humble and grounded in the love of Christ, for me too the cornerstone of my life is Jesus Christ. I am unashamed and more than willing to share this fact. Without Jesus I am nothing and I thank the Lord everyday for the lessons and changes His love has wrought within me through the seemingly bad experiences in my life. I must admit there have been several times in my life I have felt as though I have lived several lifetimes of not so graceful change. The Lord has taught me many things as He has carried me through seemingly devastating times when the light at the end of the tunnel that was in view felt like a locomotive bearing down on me; however no lesson quite like what He has taught me through Michael Jackson. God’s timing is perfect too, for I never would have been ready for this lesson of LOVE if I had not already gone through life’s previous hard experiences.

Since Michael’s death a tapestry of LOVE like the world has never seen before has woven it’s way spontaneously into the hearts of millions, the thread of Michael’s spirit joining the world together in a collective force via the internet, woven in God’s healing LOVE, traveling it’s way around the globe and into the hearts of Michael Jackson fans everywhere. I have met the most amazing people over these last 19 months since Michael physically left this earth. I hold these friendships very dear to my heart, and consider them my greatest gifts this year. I can’t list their names for the list would be far too long. I also look at my children and grand children in a different light. Their smallest accomplishments seem so huge and grand to me. Their giggles and small triumphs in life, the sharing of disappointments and heart ache so much more bonding. I listen differently now with deeper insight. I can not express to you the overwhelming JOY and LOVE that abounds when I am in their presence now. I have changed and continue to change. This life for me since surviving abuse and alcoholism has always been a spiritual process with each new level a new and exciting journey… and now God through Michael Jackson has given me this ultimate gift to see life through different eyes filtered by Michael Jackson’s LOVE and compassion for this world.

There is an inescapable comparison this year I feel compelled to point out between the birth and life of Jesus and life of Michael Jackson. Jesus was born hunted by King Herod because of fear, ignorance and greed. A decree went out and many first born baby boys were murdered when Jesus was born. God hid Jesus in a stable with a manager for a bed, not the place you would think a king might be born. God has a purpose for everything. Michael Jackson came from very lowly beginnings himself in Gary, Indiana and lived a life of abuse and hard work as a child. Michael Jackson is not God, is not Jesus but to me it is truly not a coincidence that his life parallels that of Christ’s in many ways, for it was Jesus that Michael turned to for peace and direction throughout his life. He emulated Jesus. Michael was born different… gifted... chosen by God and given special talents and abilities. He was different than his family, different than any other soul on this earth. He was chosen by God to deliver a message via the conduit of his fame, talent and musical genius, to remind the world of LOVE, healing and compassion. He was hunted, stalked, ridiculed and maligned because of this for as the Bible tells us when we are about God’s business:

“If ye were of the world, the world would love its own: but because ye are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you.” John 15: 19 American Standard Version

My Christmas prayer for each of you this year is that no matter what is going on in your life this year that your blessings abound starting today and on into the coming year, as the biblical expression states “Pressed down, shaken up, pressed down again and over flowing"… in God’s LOVE. Just as Jesus was born hunted and stalked by jealous greedy, evil, power driven people in his lifetime and ultimately put to death on the cross for the salvation of all mankind, He fulfilled God’s calling and purpose to teach the world about God’s LOVE, about salvation through Christ Jesus and the cross. Michael endured the same in his lifetime and over came so much to also ultimately die at the hands of greedy, selfish people and ultimately fulfilled the calling on his life as well… to share God’s LOVE with the world… It’s All About LOVE… L.O.V.E. May your lives abound in LOVE! I wish for Peace, Joy, LOVE and a very Merry Christmas to each and every one of you!

"I believe in the Bible and I try to follow the Bible. I know I’m an imperfect person… I’m not making myself an angel because I’m not an angel and I’m not a devil either. I try to be the best I can and I try to do what I think is right. It’s that simple…I don’t just pray at night. I pray at different times during the day. Whenever I see something beautiful, I say, "Oh, God, that’s beautiful." I say little prayers like that all through the day." ~ Michael Jackson

I hope you enjoy this beautiful story of Christmas from the perspective of the lowly shepherds of the field as the angels visited them on the night of the birth of Jesus.

Luke 2: 6-20, American Standard Version:
And it came to pass, while they were there, the days were fulfilled that she (Mary the mother of Jesus) should be delivered. And she brought forth her firstborn son; and she wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn. And there were shepherds in the same country abiding in the field, and keeping watch by night over their flock. And an angel of the Lord stood by them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, “Be not afraid; for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which shall be to all the people: for there is born to you this day in the city of David a Saviour, who is Christ the Lord. And this is the sign unto you: Ye shall find a babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, and lying in a manger.” And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, And on earth peace among men in whom he is well pleased. And it came to pass, when the angels went away from them into heaven, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this thing that is come to pass, which the Lord hath made known unto us. And they came with haste, and found both Mary and Joseph, and the babe lying in the manger. And when they saw it, they made known concerning the saying which was spoken to them about this child. And all that heard it wondered at the things which were spoken unto them by the shepherds. But Mary kept all these sayings, pondering them in her heart. And the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things that they had heard and seen, even as it was spoken unto them.

Icons & Idols - Michael Jackson

It had been a long week at work already, although it was only Wednesday, and I was feeling a bit down, tired and already stressed. The holidays just have a way of doing that sometimes. Feeling the pressure of Black Friday and Cyber Monday, the twist commercialism puts on Christmas is just wearing sometimes. This is the time of year when we should be filled with the most joy and celebrate the birth of Jesus, his LOVE, his peace. I was just leaving work and contemplating the bah-humbug Christmas poem a friend had shared with me about working our tails off, running here and there to keep up with the Joneses, shopping, parties, functions, dinners and on and on with stress as the main course served up daily for the last month of the year. It was then my cell rang and on the other end I heard the high, excited exuberance of my dear friend telling me “Betty, You just HAVE to go to Julien’s Auction House in Beverly Hills. They have SOOO much Michael stuff on display. YOU JUST HAVE TO SEE IT!!” She went into detail about her day seeing MJ’s belongings and suddenly, magically as Michael has done so many times I felt my whole being change. Michael just has a way of doing that to those who love him. I most certainly couldn’t deny I wanted to see anything… simply ANYTHING… that belonged to Michael up close and personal, but there was a gnawing in the pit in my stomach. My heart began to ache, like so many times before, as I thought of what Michael endured over the last two decades of his life. Those that wanted what was his, those that used him, the hangers on, the opportunists, the greedy, those that plotted, planned and put into motion schemes that would lead ultimately to Michael’s death. In that process many items which belonged to Michael had vanished, apparently showing up at auctions and then disappearing again.There has been so much controversy and speculation about where Michael's belongings have gone.

Holding a private conversation with the main man in my life I prayed, “Dear Lord, are these some of those items and if so what gives me the right to go and gaze upon them?” Encouraged by my friend’s exuberance I simply felt I needed to go and see for myself the next day. One of Michael’s gold fencing shirts from the Dangerous Tour was on display. That in itself was the final straw… the magnet that drew me toward Beverly Hills. I placed my desire to see MJ’s items, my car and the California freeways in the Lord’s hands and asked Him to guide me there, as I set out on my Michaeling mission.

Once the car was parked which was an adventure in itself and I might say to the inexperienced here, be forewarned you need to take a fist full of bills to park in Beverly Hills, I made my way to my destination, as I opened the doors and entered from the cold, dark night into the warm, bright light of the showroom, it seemed as though I stepped into another time zone. Yes in fact it was the Julien’s Auction show room zone. The nicely suited attendants greeted me and an invisible force drew me to the display of the “Beat It” jacket, the sequined glove, make up case and so much more than I can list. Most all items signed personally by Michael Jackson. I looked at his famous signature and thought of Michael’s hands, and seeing each item the thought that he had touched, used or had worn almost every item there suddenly hit home. An attendant walked with me and I asked the burning question in my heart, “Where did all these things come from?” As I looked around and witnessed with my own eyes he assured me “Almost every item here was signed my MJ and given freely to people as gifts or to auctions by MJ, to be sold to raise money for charity because that is just how Michael Jackson was. He was always giving away his things to make people happy.”

Now I was drifting from display to display effortlessly, no more stress, or holiday pressures… what holiday? I had now entered the world of Michael Jackson’s closet as I gazed at his jackets, jumpsuits, hats, “The Belt” he wore on his 45^th birthday, this belt along with many other items designed and tailored by Michael’s very good friends, Michael Bush and Dennis Tompkins, a sequined white glove, and YES the gold fencing shirt... which… oh yes indeed… I smelled! Up close and personal I sniffed this outfit. YES… that’s right, I freely admit it... I smelled MJ’s fencing shirt and I have to say… but can’t be sure… I may have detected a hint of Bal a Versailles. Ok… I know only a die hard MJ fan would go sniffing for traces of MJ’s sweat and cologne, but then how many times does someone like me get to see up close and personal the stage costumes or clothes of Michael Jackson?! Was it just wishful thinking… another sniff… No I really think it…

I took many, many pictures. I asked to see the secret backroom. The Executive Director, Martin Nolan, who was lovely to me and so much fun to joke with, wanted to know how I knew about the secret back room. I told him I couldn’t reveal my sources… only that, “Fans just know these things.” He shook his head at me, not for the first time that night, rolled his eyes and we laughed and then he asked one of the attendants, Allen, to escort me to the back room. Others, Julien family members, who were working there also came along as they were surprised to learn about the back room items as well and wanted to take a gander. To my surprise on display were full sized, soft rubber, wax looking statues of Indians and cowboys, which MJ had set up in the Indian Village at Neverland near the train tracks. I must say the Indian sitting cross legged with the peace pipe made me step back. He was a bit scary looking but I am sure in the outdoor, tee pee setting he fit quit well. They were simply amazing to view, like a secret peek into Michael’s longing for his boyhood and his wonderful childlike, fun imagination.


Returning to the main floor the pedestals outfitted with MJ’s jackets were being strategically placed for Saturday’s auction, a world wide event where anyone, any where can bid on items by phone, online or in person. The chairs were in place, the sound system was being set up, podium at the ready, display cases lit and organized, computers were up and running. There were many items from other iconic legends like Marilyn Monroe, Rock Hudson, Madonna, Paul McCartney, John Lennon, The Beatles and many, many others. The jacket… I mean “The Jacket” that John Lennon wore on the Sgt. Peppers album was on display and was later to sell for $240,000. It was amazing to see this piece of history from my teen years up close and personal…and did I detect a hint of Marijuana, good ole’ Mary Jane on this one? So many cool and interesting items… yet I continually was being drawn back to MJ’s things.

John Lennon's Sgt. Peppers Jacket:



My friend who had raced against time and rush hour traffic to arrive before closing popped in the door and I greeted her with a big hug. The stress of the road melted from her shoulders as we began to peruse the displays together and take more pictures of one another. We posed grinning from ear to ear next to MJ’s “Beat It” jacket. I was so thrilled to see a jacket from the world’s BEST Super Bowl half time show EVER signed by Michael and a game football signed by both Michael and Troy Aickman, an original Michael Jackson doll from the 80’s with the original price tag of $14.95 on the box, gold records, platinum records, J5 memorabilia signed by all the Jackson 5, The original Motown contract the J5 signed as children, This Is It tickets, Victory Tour memorabilia, a signed Smooth Criminal hat, a Hungarian military hat signed with a written note from Michael saying “Thanks for your support. All my love, Michael Jackson, 1994”, there were 3 black, stage worn, signed fedoras with Michael’s name printed inside, and the Julien’s Auction catalog from April 25, 2009 signed in gold by Michael Jackson. This one stopped me short and my heart sunk, as I read the date and realized, two months later to the day Michael lay dead. I felt a wave of nausea come over me and I felt the anger rise. Still there is NO justice! God hear our prayers!






The Julien’s director, Martin, allowed me the privilege of roaming the displays with the catalog in hand. I was juggling the camera, the catalog, my purse and sweater when I realized the other catalogs were chained down and then asked how much they were. He smiled and said “For you, $100.” I laughed and then made my way back to the desk and gingerly put it back on the stand like I didn't want to break it. As I set it back on it’s easel he said to me, "I have one just for you." I thought again he was joking and meant if I paid the 100 bucks. Later just before I left he handed me a catalog with both hands and slightly bowed like he was handing over the crown jewels to the queen, royally presented me with a catalog. I felt very much honored and thanked him. Later the next day checking online I realized he wasn't joking they really do cost $100. All I could say was “Wow!! It was definitely my night!!” If you are reading this Martin, again I thank you for your generous kindness.

I had taken 100's of pictures, a fact that Martin did not miss and approached and commented in his Irish brogue, “Well gone are the days when the Instamatic took 24 pictures and that was it and you had to take them into Rite Aid or the drug store for development.” I realized suddenly maybe I was crossing boundaries saying “Oh I’m sorry! Do you want me to quit?” He laughed and said “No you go right ahead and take your pictures. I guess then all that photography we worked so hard on in the catalog is not good enough?” I then revealed “Well I write stories and like to use my own pictures.” He laughed out loud and shaking his head again gave me a jovial, “Oh! NOW you tell us!”

MJ fans are still fiercely protective of MJ, his children and mother, so after checking out every last item including the back room three times I went to the main desk where Martin was working and where Darren Julien was standing close by and again voiced my concern about the source of all the MJ items, with an ache in my heart for MJ I inquired of Martin, “Please answer this question for me. I need to know, are any of these things taken from MJ? What is the source of all these items? What about the family?” He assured me saying “All items are donated and they were gifts from MJ to fans and friends. Some were items MJ donated, when he was alive to other auctions to raise money for different charities and causes. They did not sell and were returned to Michael Jackson and are now in this auction. Some are from the family, the estate and Katherine and the family all gave their blessing, all except Joe. The items belong to others and were freely given on consignment for this auction.” There have been many false rumors and it felt good to hear the family had given approval for this auction, well all except Joe, so for me it was the majority. I believe it is just like that in large families, not all members agree on everything or join in each venture. It was also very clear that the vast majority of items displayed for auction were clearly signed and had been given to others by MJ and that supported Martin’s statement.

Then Martin began to tell me about the previous auction at the old Robinson’s May in Beverly Hills where Michael’s beautiful, ornate Neverland gates were being offered, as well as many other items from Neverland. I had heard several media rumors about these items. I felt so blessed to hear from someone who personally had witnessed these very gates being restored to their original home at Neverland. Martin assured me that “The Gold Gates” were reinstalled at Neverland. That he personally was present on the property at Neverland to witness the restoration, sadly and ironically the very weekend of the week Michael died the gates were reattached to their original place of honor at Neverland. They are there and working just as they did when Michael lived there.

A sudden burst of hope leaped in my heart spurring me on to ask, “MJ’s Carousel?” Martin’s response filled me with even more hope and again put to rest yet another untruth as he assured me, “You know MJ himself hand painted some of the horses on that carousel. It has special meaning. MJ made sure to dismantle it and store it carefully in a warehouse on Neverland where it still is today, untouched.” My heart was over flowing and like the unashamed MJ fan that I am I blurted out, “Really? Oh my God! It’s STILL there? Really there? At Neverland?” which elicited Martin to reveal, “Yes, there is a huge, massive warehouse on the property at Neverland where MJ’s things are stored. Safe and protected.” Astounded I slapped the desk happily and heard myself exhale with great enthusiasm, “Thank God! Another rumor put to rest! There are so many false rumors!” I then thought about the other Neverland treasures that had also been on auction like the train and all the bronze statues MJ so lovingly collected and had displayed about Neverland. I had read they were all gone now, just a memory of past glory days. I needed to know, “What about all the bronze statues that had been on auction? Were they sold? I read they are all gone now.” Martin’s quick emphatic response dispelled all previous stories as he said “No, NONE of them were sold. They were returned to Neverland and are also in storage.” In a ‘Need to Know’ voice I added, “And the train? What about the train? Michael would not have wanted to sell the train!” He again emphatically replied “No. The train was never on auction. You know Michael named that train after his mother, Katherine?” I shook my head up and down as he continued, “He would never sell that train. It was special. No, it too is stored away.” So many rumors went…puff… up in smoke, vanished in one short conversation. Maybe the one positive rumor of Neverland being restored is not so impossible after all. Yes in my heart and mind there is definitely hope now. I do not want to think about the people who partially own Neverland now or how they were involved in anything horrible that happened to MJ… yet that thought looms large in my mind. My hope and prayers for MJ3 are that all that is rightfully theirs will be restored to them.

It was a great evening at Julien’s Auction house in Beverly Hills. Every one of the people who work at Julien’s are wonderful, warm, friendly and accommodating. I smiled all the next day every time I thought about MJ’s belongings still safely stored away and that I was able to be so close to so many items MJ owned, wore, performed in and gave to others in love. It’s a funny thing when someone dies how their belongings become so much more important. It was like that with my mom…just a piece of her near me. MJ’s generous giving heart was so apparent in many of these items, and in every signature I saw. The thought of how many thousands of times he must have signed his name to make others happy just makes me love him all the more. Of course thoughts of how wonderful it would be for the MJ3 to be able to acquire Neverland and all of their father’s belongings, which really should rightfully be theirs anyway, allowed for hope to spring anew. I know Michael was so crushed at Neverland and expressed his deepest hurt about that when he said “I won’t live there again. It’s a house now. It’s not a home anymore”, but this was the children’s first home with their father and in protecting them MJ never let them see his broken heart and spirit while living there. For them I am sure there will always be many wonderful Neverland family memories.

Two days later I contemplated if I should attend the Saturday auction personally or take part from home on the computer. I opted to save the headache of parking and stayed home. As I watched and listened I wondered how the auctioneers were able to get so many words, facts, and details out so quickly. Although the internet auction was full of energy and moved quickly through thousands of sales I thought Michael’s section would never come, finally the time arrived. His section was last and certainly the most exciting. Even over the internet I could feel the mood become very much energized as the auctioneer’s voice rose and he exclaimed, “Now we have Michael Jackson’s items. Michael Jackson had a relationship different than any other entertainer in the world with his fans. MICHAEL JACKSON, the greatest entertainer of all time and he will NEVER be replaced! Michael Jackson who transformed music! You see why he transformed music and why he was the KING OF POP! Nobody will EVER be like him! Everything he did he did to be the best!” Although I have no idea if this man is an MJ fan, even sitting at my computer I felt he was a kind person who truly loved MJ and who also knew my heart and the heart of fans around the globe. I felt a rush as I witnessed the first flurry of bidding on the 4^th item, a signed black and white, 8x10, glossy picture of the Jackson 5, soared quickly to sell for $10,625.

I thought, “Ok… Heerree we go!” I was not disappointed. I simply couldn't resist and bid on several items but was out bid which my wallet and budget thank God for. My MJ love wishes so much I would have won. I about died as I noticed the gold fencing shirt was coming up just two more down on the list. I reached for the key board to be ready, grabbing it randomly I hit a key and suddenly the screen read in bright green, “You are the top bidder” and I realized in shock I was now accidently bidding on a 2^nd Neverland Golf Cart. The 1^st one had sold for only $1,200 so in my clumsiness I just put myself in the running for the 2^nd one at $2,250. Quickly realizing the other one went for less, I prayed “Dear Jesus, please let someone else bid. I really don’t need a golf cart!” In slow motion the auctioneer began to say in a parent “Peanuts” voice “Theeee… wiinnnner… issss…” then my prayer was answered and someone else bid, with many others jumping on board, a flurry of bids took place making the winning bid $8,750. Of course it could have been much worse and I could have accidentally bid on a $40,000 item. I would have just fallen out right then and there with no one around to revive me, in the end though, once the shock wore off, I actually felt sort of sad as I thought about taking the grand kids and friends on rides in MJ’s Neverland golf cart. How cool would that have been?
I was shocked to see that the gold fencing shirt only brought in $37,500 as I had really expected to see it sell for much, much more. The highest item sold was the white, sequined glove which was sold to an international bidder for $330,000, chills covered my body as I watched the flurry of bids on this one. Not to demean MJ’s love for mankind or in anyway compare dollar signs to love but I just couldn’t help but see in all this the love and attention from fans all over the world for Michael.
Oh how I pray MJ sees how much he is loved and thought about as he watches down from heaven. It was all very interesting but several times I could not help but think about how MJ would feel about this auction. I just kept feeling like maybe MJ would have wanted all this money to go to charity…. as Allen, the attendant said, “…because that is just how Michael Jackson was.” Yes the facts prove Michael Jackson was one of the kindest, most generous, caring humans on this planet. We will be missing you forever MJ!

A random sample list of great items with end sale prices:

3 black, stage worn, signed fedoras:

1 - $53,125

2 - $31,250

3 - $72,000

White Smooth Criminal, stage worn fedora, signed: $72,000

Hungarian military hat, signed: $8,960

MTV award statue: $72,000

Helmsley Palace doorman’s jacket which MJ wore many times, signed: $31,250

Bubbles’ MJ matching racing outfit, signed: $9,500

Beat It Jacket, signed: $96,000

Beat It sheet music signed by MJ, signed: $6,500

Studded, Bad, black leather arm guard: $31,250

Military style jacket MJ wore when he met Nelson Mandella, signed: $60,800

Gem encrusted football bag, gift to MJ by Katherine Baumann, with MJ’s name: $1,750

MJ’s make up case, signed: $5,760

The belt MJ wore for his 45^th birthday party: $12,800

Promotional Invincible sign, signed: $1,664

Neverland Valley T-shirt, signed: $1,500

Michael Jackson doll, original box, signed: $1,625

I am so thrilled to know that two wonderful Michael Jackson fans were the winners of the both of these amazing items. The Neverland T-shirt signed "Love, Michael Jackson" and the studded belt Michael wore on his 45th birthday!! It is so wonderful to know these treasured items will be cherished for all time by people who love Michael Jackson!!!!

Deborah Soroky from Glendale, California wins the Neverland T-shirt signed by Michael!!

Final winning auction price: $ 2,100

Debbie Jackson from Auckland, New Zealand wins the studded belt
Michael wore to his 45th birthday party, final winning auction price: $12,800!!