♥ Neverland 2013 ♥

Bittersweet June... a time of reflection. This seems to never change... like the peeling of the layers on an onion different levels appear as the years tick by without MJ here on earth with us. 

Seems odd to some, who haven’t taken the time to know Michael Jackson, that so many around the world still love him so deeply but to us who have delved into this most interesting and beautiful man’s life and work... who are inspired by the life he led... who have embraced him, his philanthropic heart and his musical artistry deep in our own hearts... to those of us who live his music and his words... it makes perfect sense. 



I have tried to shake this feeling about Michael... telling myself, “It’s been four years now. It’s time to let go... time to move on.” Sometimes even hoping for a personal Cher, “Snap Out of IT!” slap moment. Yet it never comes... Michael is deep in my heart and soul. So even if I left the MJ fan community as I’ve come to live it since his death, Michael’s inspiration would still be in my heart and life forever... in a way he never was before. God has placed me on this path and opened my eyes to so much. Sadly, the bittersweet fact is that my life is changed for the better because of Michael Jackson’s death. It is so like Michael Jackson to keep giving good out into the world even in death.

The thread of love continues to grow. Every year I’m blessed and honored to meet more and more beautiful people because of Michael Jackson. The LOVE for Michael keeps him ‘alive.' The LOVE from Michael continues to grow, weaving an invisible golden-threaded tapestry around the globe, connecting hearts, lives and people everyday. 

In spite of the evil which tried to destroy Michael and continues to dish it’s twisted sorted $$ lies to the mindless public what has become so very clear is that LOVE rises to the top. All the rest... is meaningless. The true man... the beautiful soul God created and filled with more talent than seemed humanly possible for one person will prove to be the Michael that the world will long remember.  



This year’s June anniversary, this entire year, was especially difficult for me. This is why I haven’t written much of anything for my blog in quite awhile... the emotions out weighed the words until today. I truly wondered if God had taken the desire to write from me. Physically and emotionally I was not up to the celebrations. Everyday was like, “Draggin’ yourself out of bed” as MJ said to Michael Bearden in regard to the music for Smooth Criminal in TII. Many events, many fans coming into Los Angeles from all over the world filled everyone’s schedules full and for me resulted in a schedule with events and plans for 13 days straight and no energy to carry them out. Although I must say the joy of meeting sweet friends was like a wash of cool, ocean waves over the pervasive shroud of gray covering my heart. Embracing those in person that I’ve only known via Face Book is a joyful tonic like no other.  The only time I ever felt truly free of the heaviness was in the occasional embrace of beautiful friends or when surrounded by MJ’s music and voice at Westlake Studios and during musical sensory immersion at the Cirque MJ One show and after party in Vegas. It was in these moments alone when the long fingers of MJ’s affirming, life giving music literally wrapped a healing touch around my lagging spirit... filling me with joy.



I realize now why MJ separated himself from his family and the world and spent long amounts of time dancing, singing and literally completely absorbed in his craft. Transforming, uplifting, spiritual music brings joyful, invigorating life and all the worries of life are left behind. No one can touch those moments... or take them away... they are God given. He shared those moments with us, the world, the intimate time of healing with the creator of his gift of music, art and dance. There are many spiritual Christian hymns that make me feel the same way, which bring spiritual healing. In these moments the Spirit of God lives in the notes and words. They too are a God given blessing... anointed. Yes, Michael was anointed predestined by God to share his gift of artistry with the world in a way no one had ever done before. As Michael himself said many times... his musical creations were from God. He never failed to point to God as his source. I believe this is why his music continues to lift and heal the hearts of so many.

Yes this June the schedule was packed; however there was one event that I looked very forward to and knew I wouldn’t miss if humanly possible... most especially if God was on our side. I didn’t know how I could help or how it would unfold but I love those type of plans. If it’s God’s will... it will happen... do the foot work and God’s puzzle pieces all fall into place. We should all live every day that way.



I was first approached by Mark in April, 2013 in a private message asking if I could assist with his plans. He and his girlfriend, a dear friend of mine, Rachael, were traveling in June to Los Angeles for Michael’s anniversary and he had very special, secret plans for her. It was clear he had thought a great deal about what he was sharing with me. I could feel the nervous excitement and anticipation in his request. I was happily and obligingly sworn to secrecy.



Mark and Rachael, a simply beautiful couple, had met many years ago brought together by their love of Michael Jackson in London as MJ fans. They both attended MJ fan rallies and concerts. Rachael was a strong defender of Michael and Soldier of LOVE, as was Mark, a huge MJ fan and a very artistic, talented dancer as well. Michael brought them together; however life separated them. Michael’s loss brought them back together again reconnected in a new and wonderful way. What is so amazing still to me is how Michael’s LOVE grows daily in the most touching, unexpected ways.



Mark has an unmistakeable spirit of appreciation for others rarely seen in today's world. He exudes gentle charm filled with genuine politeness. Not only is he outwardly handsome and beautiful his humble, considerate spirit warms your heart, bringing grounding consistency, lighting up any situation. His deeply engrained trait of steadfast caring and affability is a true treasure. This runs deep in his soul as his bright, white smile beams forth with genuine, heartfelt tenderness. God has gifted him also with the heart of a helper. He shows sincere caring always alert to the needs of others, jumping in to help without being asked. A ‘man’s man’ as they say and also 'woman’s man' too as is evident in the gentle way he treats Rachael and her children. Deeply artistic he thrives on expression through dance and music... thus his love of Michael... his inspiration. He too has had his share of troubles in his life... but as I’ve said LOVE rises to the top. Mark is just that... Top Notch... the cream of the crop. His outward charm and handsome features only grow stronger as you get to know the caring and genuinely kind man inside. Mark's eyes reveal a lovingly, strong and steadfast giving spirit ... so unmistakably Mike Like. 



Rachael is a sweet, enchanting, gentle soul. Her sweet, heady laughter and youthful spirit are in complete opposition to her strong determined nature. She is a force to be reckoned with when she sets her mind to something. She is beautiful and quirky and wonderfully unique. God broke the mold with Rachael. She surprises me every year on her visits to the U.S. from the UK. Her love for her children, family and MJ run very deep in her veins. They are her life blood. Even at first look there is no mistaking her unique, natural, artistic expressiveness. A woman who wears her heart on her sleeve in the most childlike attractive way taking Michael’s love of Peter Pan to heart in her life. Her outward beauty and look of youthfulness are misleading to her age. She has also had her share of pain in this life... however again LOVE rises to the top. Rachael is a survivor and I can identify with her so well... I love her... she is my dear friend. It’s easy to see why Mark has fallen helplessly in love with her as well. They are simply the most gorgeous couple. A perfect match. I am elated for both of them, so blessed to know them and be a part of their lives. I feel like family with them, their protective big sister ready to move mountains for them if need be.


So it was... on the morning of June 23rd that I gathered festive libations for the day and drove to pick up the MJ crew for the drive to the Neverland Flyover 2013. As with most of my plans during June this day's schedule morphed and grew a life of it’s own. I originally was driving four of us; however the group happily and without too much added effort easily grew to seven. If there is anything I have learned while Michaeling it's ‘Let Go and Let God’, schedules are just made to be laughed at and there is always room for one more... well... until you run out of seat belts. 


Very Mike Like Bronze sculpture found on Ventura Blvd.

Marcela and Rachel at Hayvenhurst gate

Susan at Hayvenhurst gate

With a full carload of happy, unsuspecting occupants we began our journey to the Santa Ynez Valley. It seemed at every turn someone asked if I could do something for them or stop here or there over the weeks of June and although I was very tired I tried to oblige where I could. As it turned out on this day all was possible including an unplanned side trip to the Hayvenhurst gates. The guard even opened the gates for us affording us a good long look at Kenya, Michael’s chocolate Lab and gift to his children. She happily wagged her tail hello to us. She is such a beautiful, sweet girl. Then there was a quick stop on Ventura Blvd. as bronze Neverland type statues were spotted while I was searching for the freeway on-ramp. Sometimes I find the best things when I’m lost. The day before even with GPS (don’t ask me how that happens but it always includes laughter) I was lost while searching for the rent-a-car place and much to my complete amazement found Center Staging Studios right in front of my eyes. Center Staging Studios is where MJ last recorded and I had often thought about searching for that particular MJ spot. Yet without planning and as a result of helping out friends in need there it was with no effort at all! A really nice Michaeling perk overshadowing the frustration of being lost which had finally set in.

No matter the shift in plans at every turn I kept in the back of my mind Mark’s request. Knowing it was of the highest priority... above all else I had a mission... a quest to get him and my lovely, unsuspecting friend, Rachael, to the gates of Neverland by dusk. Michael’s favorite time of day. Rachael had no clue of any plans, as far as she knew she was the one taking Mark on a very special first helicopter ride over Neverland and to visit the Neverland gates for the first time. Little did she know what was in store. 



First on the loose agenda was the Heli Flyover, each of us set to fly in groups of three on our flights. Our scheduled time was ticking by closer and closer as traffic held us up. We stressfully forged through bumper to bumper L.A. freeway traffic. It seemed everyone in L.A. and the San Fernando Valley had decided to go to Ventura Beach via the 101 Freeway on this lazy overcast Saturday. I affirmed to myself and out loud to others that everything happens for a reason and took long slow breaths to try to relax against the time crunch. Finally in Ventura literally hundreds of cars lined up to get off the freeway for a day at the beach. Breathing a very large sigh of relief that I wasn’t one of them on that crowded beach the road opened up and we flew by them all on toward our destination, Santa Ynez Airport. 



We could relax now moving more easily with the flow of open road. As we looked to the left ocean waves lazily washed upon the sandy shore under the overhang of misty clouds. The sky still overcast  was a good sign that our hold up was for a purpose. Heli flights in cloudy weather are not as mesmerizing and afternoon skies over Neverland are usually always clear in the summer.

At a certain point in the journey with the vast horizon on our left stretching seemingly forever out over the deep Pacific I like to listen to a CD a friend of mine made of Michael talking. His beautiful speaking voice in a collection of speech excerpts, amidst a back drop of several of his songs. Susan popped it in and Michael’s voice filled the car. As usual it was very emotional, touching each person’s heart in a very personal way... resulting in very few dry eyes. No matter how many times I listen to his voice on this journey along the shore somehow it always has the same effect on me. Always it seems the perfect place to listen to his inspirational words. Those words that encourage each of us to bring just a little more LOVE into this world. 



For many in the car this was their first Neverland Flyover. It is always so exciting to watch the bliss and euphoria on the faces of the flying new-bees. For me this was my third flyover and although I knew what to expect it was as always just as magical the third time as the first.

Basket Ball Court Neverland Logo
Pic not from flyover - credit unknown - night picture in Fall

Each flight over Neverland I have searched for something special. The first flight spotting and discovering the Memorbilia House on the hill where Michael kept many of his honors, plaques, gold records and award statues. He didn’t like to keep them in the main house so he stored them in this three bedroom, ranch house on Neverland property as well as many other warehouses. The second flight gifted me with the close up sighting of the spectacular Giving Tree. I will never forget it, sitting so stately at the end of the bridge and spotting Michael’s platform which still remains snug in it’s branches. This flight, the third flight, my desire was to spot the Neverland Basketball Court with the Neverland logo of the little boy sitting on a crescent moon painted on the court. We flew over the property three times peering down into Michael’s magical world. Sadly the rides are gone but the grounds are pristine, restored as if waiting for their return one day. The fountains were not on for this flight as they had been the previous year yet the lake was just as beautiful and enchanting. I also had a deeper feeling of sadness this time that I have not felt previously... there it was again that shroud of gray. Shaking it off I continued intently searching for the basketball court to no avail. Finally letting the gray take over I settled into acceptance this time may not result in my discovery of a new special Michael place at Neverland. Quite possibly it was hidden by trees around the house area. Then just as I decided to enjoy the rest of the ride unfettered... no sooner than I’d surrendered the search... there it was! Right there before my eyes protected from the afternoon sun... the basketball court lay just nestled up against a wall protected from the afternoon sun... which might explain why the logo is still in such terrific shape, unless it’s also been restored as so much of Neverland has been. It was hard to tell which... but there it sat just along the road leading out to the rides and the petting zoo. It was much further from the main house than I had anticipated. Joyfully I realized I had been looking in the wrong place. Yet before the flight was over, and those flights seem to always never be long enough, we never want them to end, right there like a gift out of no where... it lay before my eyes. I could see Michael playing around down there... in my minds eye... and wondered how many times Magic Johnson, Kobe Bryant or Mike Tyson or any of Michael’s other friends or cousins played around on that court with him. My mind drifted thinking about how incredibly giving and generous Michael was with his precious home, Neverland. How notorious he was for letting his friends use and fully enjoy Neverland while he was away on tour or working. How many people allow others into their homes in such a way? No one I know... especially such an incredible home? Michael was generous to a fault... too trusting... too caring if there is such a thing... Michael was just that. Sadly it was just that amazing quality that opened his life and home up to greedy, users, liars and manipulators. Oh... if only we could turn back time...


For me at that point the Heli trip was complete. Settling in, no picture taking needed as I’d taken pictures on previous flights and just wanted to relax now, drink in the flight and view of Michael’s most beautiful, magical home of LOVE. I regret not capturing a pic of the basketball court. It all just went by too quickly. Neverland is truly such an incredibly gorgeous, enchanting oasis... there again comes that shroud of gray. If only things had been different Michael might still be living there today in the home he created. I wondered about his daughter, Paris, who is hospitalized and deeply misses her father... and if the world would ever leave Michael’s children alone long enough for them to live their lives and fully heal from the loss of their father. I wondered if they would ever move back to Neverland as I pictured them all happily playing on the grounds of Neverland together. All these thoughts circled in my mind and heart and with a heavy, ‘time will tell’ sigh... I surrendered it all to God in a silent prayer. All I know is that LOVE rises to the top.



Soon each of us, like Peter Pan and Tinker Bell, had taken our joyful, magical flight in the clear blue sky over Neverland. Some were speechless as they tried to assimilate what they had just experienced. Some were giddy, talking away. I however was mostly quiet or talking to myself quietly about time management. Compartmentalizing as I knew 'dusk at the gates' was the end game plan... and I needed to make that happen for my dear friends.

Most definitely on my list of ‘To Do’ items was to show my band of merry men... errrr... ahhh... MJ friends... quaint Los Olivos with the flag pole literally in the center of town. The town down the road from Neverland where MJ had shopped and walked the streets so many times. Just as if planned that way it fit just perfectly with the 'gates at dusk' plan. Yes, God was in charge and it seemed to be falling into place. Not even an accidental bashing in of the license plate on the rent-a-car hindered us, as both Mark and I worked feverishly with the aid of the J. Woeste, Phillips-head, screw driver to pound it back into a flattened state. Smiling as we worked (well mostly Mark worked & I supervised) and conferring on the 'dusk at the gates' plans... we both looked at one another not knowing what was in store and shrugged. His nervousness did not seem to be assuaged by my, “You will know the right moment. God will show you.”



Like kids on an adventure we were all anxious to see the magic of J. Woeste Nursery. Although most had no idea what I was talking about when I attempted to explain where we were going... and after only a few words all that can really be said is, “You’ll see.” This magical escape truly fails description... a waste of breath really to even try. Only your eyes and senses can explain a trip here. I simply LOVE to see the look on the faces of those who enter these gates for the first time, to hear the astonished, gleeful gasp as they take in their first visual and sensual experience behind the gate as it opens and another world envelopes them. 

Thus here we enjoyed the late afternoon cool of the day, bathed in the warm, yellow-amber tones of the sun as it sank into the horizon of pale blue California sky. Here through this portal of fantastical escape from everyday normal life, surrounded by the winding paths of succulent heaven, we lost ourselves, strolling the seemingly endless enchanted paths, investigating every nook and cranny until finally emerging at the front gate where giant wind chimes hung in the ancient Eucalyptus tree. The heavenly sounds engulfing us as we posed for a group picture. Then with the license plate flattened and reattached, none the worse for wear, and a hearty, smiling, “Thank you!” to our host at J. Woeste we reluctantly pulled ourselves away from this fairyland, and set out into the quaint and quiet town of Los Olivos. Here we walked the country streets looking for a place to eat dinner. It was late and not much was open as Los Olivos rolls up it’s welcome mats early everyday even on the weekends; however we were blessed to find a coffee house with minutes to spare before the registers closed. They were still serving a light dinner of small personal pizza and soda. Most everyone decided to try Root Beer and the reactions were very funny. Some not liking it so much and wondering who would ever want to drink that stuff? Some feeling it was a great U.S. treat reveling in getting their hands on an ice cold bottle of the rich brown beverage. With dinner complete and unbeknownst to most in the car enough time was purposely passed to just make a slow drive down the road to arrive just before dusk at the gates. We all situated ourselves back into the SUV and moved on down Figueroa Mountain Rd., Michael’s road to Neverland...
just there... the second star to the right.

Upon arrival at the gates the merry band piled out of the car to the sounds of, “Oh my God... we’re here! We are actually here! I can’t believe I’m actually here at Michael’s Neverland gates!”

I parked the SUV in a place where I don’t normally park, knowing I needed to have handy and quick access to the hidden ice chest in the back while they all wandered the peaceful grounds at the gate and along the fence perimeter. I could feel Mark’s nervousness. Again privately I nodded encouragement whispering, “You will know the right time.” I was worried my anxiousness and whispering too would give things away. However there was no clue in Rachael eyes as the presence of the place filled her heart. She decided instead of visiting close to the gates she needed to be away from the many who were visiting this day. In search of some quiet, alone time Mark and Rachael began to walk down the road. Mark gave me a look of, “What should I do?” I shrugged as I glanced at the sun sinking in the afternoon sky and said a quick prayer, “Ok Lord, you know the desire of Mark’s heart. If this is meant to be then You make it happen.” It was at that exact moment as I fiddled in the ice chest a car pulled up along side me and stopped. A smiling familiar face said, “Hello! How are you?” I was utterly amazed... again as if it was planned just that way. I quickly relayed the plans for dusk. His face beamed and with a giant grin he said to me, “Follow my lead. Just get them back down here... now.” 



So I urgently waved for them to return to the gates and swiftly confided my secret to Marcela and sent her scurrying down the road with Susan to gather them both back to the gates. At their urging Mark escorted Rachael back to the gates trying not to answer her many questions about why. The gates opened and I led Rachael forward. Mark stepped inside looking VERY apprehensive as if he was experiencing an out of body surreal like state. I thought maybe he was going to need to pinch himself at any moment to see if he was dreaming. Rachael excitedly asked me, “What is happening? I don’t understand. What is going on?” I gently guided her by the arm calmly saying, “Shhhh... it’s ok... this is for you.” Nodding yes and directing her inside, “This is all for you. Step inside.” 

There just inside the gates Mark gently, lightly pulled her by the hand to him, then retrieved the ring box from of his pants pocket where it had been safely hidden all day. Here in this moment, this place and time with the giant Sycamores and ancient graceful California Oaks that have witnessed centuries of history on this land a silent hush fell over Neverland. The trees whispered a soothing song in the gentle breeze urging Mark forward. Everyone’s eyes were on him attentive, listening, no one breathing. Just listening intently to hear his words. He began to pour his heart out to her. His love overflowed...  words overwhelmed him. He had told me so many times he needed to be on one knee when he proposed to her as he wanted desperately to fulfill her life long wish... yet at this very moment he seemed frozen. Rachael was shaking like a leaf in the wind unable to comprehend what was happening. Then in sudden realization as she saw the ring box she nervously laughed and chided him, “Well, get down on one knee.” Assuring her he smiled and dropped to one knee, opened the ring box which contained a very special ring especially engraved with "Neverland", looked into her eyes and found the words deep in his heart as he told her how much he loved her, ending with the words which completed the magic of the day, changing their lives, “Will you marry me?” He took a huge breath as she said, “YES! YES!” Then he slid the ring onto her finger and they kissed. Everyone even those not in our group were watching and enjoying the amazing moment. It was magical, memorable and so incredibly beautiful! The very first proposal at Neverland gates. Yes... God always makes a way and LOVE always rises to the top! 

Of course there is one red rose in full bloom!


Pictures were snapped and much joyous celebration took place as I pulled the chilled champagne from the ice chest and laid out crackers and cheese and fruit plates. The happy couple made a special engagement toast with my family’s special silver goblets that have been used for several generations of marital and anniversary celebratory toasting. It seemed appropriate for them to use them as I feel they are so much a part of my family now, my sister, my brother. Champagne and raspberries and special pics together at Michael’s front gate just at dusk when the light is so special.
Yes... Michael’s magical, favorite time of the day... the perfect setting for engagement pictures.

Our loose plan was to wait until dark to view the Super Moon. To see the view Michael would have seen from his property in this corner of the earth. On this particular night coincidentally, of all nights, the Moon was the closest to earth. The biggest and brightest moon of the entire year. A Moonwalker, special engagement gift to this very special couple. However just like most of my plans... this one morphed as well. This night, the Super Moon night, most unusual for summer it was an extra breezy, very cool night which delivered a layer of foggy, low clouds not normally seen so far inland during June. As a result we couldn’t see the moon at all. However it didn’t dampen our spirits after a very beautiful, fulfilling day. By this time I could finally take a deep breath. I had completed my main mission for my sweet friends, now able to just relax before the adventures of what would be a hectic coming week filled with many MJ events. However for now things were calm... I reveled in the glow on the faces of all my friends. Thanking God to be apart of this special day.
 Yes for me the most important mission was now over. She said, “YES!” Mark and Rachael were simply beaming... clearly floating in a world all their own. Mark had given her the most memorable proposal any MJ fan could ever want... a day they will both cherish For All Time.

It was difficult to pull ourselves away from the peace, joy and new found memories of Neverland’s gates; however with no sight of the Super Moon we needed to move on, embark on the long journey home. We all took one last look at Los Olivos twinkling in the night as we turned left off Figueroa Mountain Rd. We traveled through the night toward home, a quiet satisfaction filled the car. Lost in our own personal thoughts it wasn’t long before the country road Michael traveled many, many times lifted us up out of the Santa Ynez Valley to the bluff over looking Santa Barbara. It was here the giant, silver moon rose before us in the sky and shined magnificently down upon the Pacific to our right. Much to our elation and joy it was now crystal clear... only wisps of clouds remained here and there. The glow of the moon on the clouds lit them up like tufts of cotton candy in the dark sky as the Super Moon like a beacon in the night guided us on our path homeward. The giant moon shined so incredibly bright on the still ocean water it was as if a mirror shined back providing the view of two Super Moons. Simply Magnificent! I had to pull over a couple of times for pictures and just to drink it all in. It was simply breathtaking! The most spectacular sight of the moon I’ve ever seen on a most special day. My life has been connected to the moon in many ways as my father worked for NASA and I grew up focused on the journey to the moon during the Space Race of the ‘60s and the first men walking on the moon. Then of course with MJ our Moonwalker and now this beautiful, remarkable memory added to them all. This day never to be forgotten with some of the most wonderful and lovely people God has brought into my life since Michael’s passing. Only God could have provided this day so perfectly. 



Yes again Michael’s wish coming true... his wish that all men and women would be united in LOVE on this planet. In our MJ community which wraps its loving arms around this globe this happens every single day. For those of my friends who don’t understand why I can’t give up my Michaeling and MJ celebrations... or maybe just for that part of myself that wonders why... THIS is why... the awe and the wonder... and the LOVE. Here in this vehicle traveling south along the California 101 freeway with the Super Moon as our guiding light, shinning ever so bright over the Pacific I am at complete peace as I listen to the “Oooohs” and “Aaaahs” and the joyous laughter and conversation of those in tow...

Marcela, Rachel, Kathy, Mark & Rachael, me (Betty), Susan

... Mark Anthony Anderson and Rachael Foster, the lovely UK couple I was so blessed to be apart of their engagement plans and whose love for one another was simply effervescent and overflowing. I am so very happy for you both. Also Susan Brookes my sweet, gracious friend and MJ room lover from the UK whose enthusiasm for all things Michael is so contagious and love of animals so inspiring; sweet Kathy Beaudoin from Canada whose face glowed with pure joy and magic the entire U.S. trip. Then of course glowing and simply stunning Marcela Torres from Argentina who literally radiates a natural, sweet spirit of LOVE for everyone she meets and finally Rachel Gillard-Tew from New Zealand who showed us all what pure bliss and rebirth looked like as she found her true self on this journey to America.

All but two of you I met in person for the first time this June yet felt I’d known you all for a lifetime. We are connected... we are bonded. God bless everyone of you and thank you for including me in your plans this year. Your open hearts and compassion helped lift the pesky shroud of gray in my life. A Big Thank You for sharing and gifting me with these moments and these adventures and a BIGGER congratulations to our engaged couple, Mark and Rachael. May your dreams all come true and may you be blessed with a beautiful life together. 



I’ll be expecting an invite to the wedding... wink ;)


A Place Without No Name

                                                         
I will forever be counting backwards from June 25, 2009. The day the world stopped rotating, when millions of people in every country on this planet stopped in their tracks and just stood still in shock. The day the void was felt around the world as the shining, bright light of Michael Jackson was snuffed out, ripped from this earth, Gone Too Soon.

Soon it will be Feb. 25. Exactly 20 months since Michael Jackson died, the anniversary day when my life changed forever, along with legions of fans around the world who believed their Peter Pan, King of Pop would live forever. I ask God all the time “Am I over Michael’s death? Am I done grieving now, Lord?” My answer comes with tears that flow, but thankfully it has gotten better. I know there are many people who personally knew Michael who grieve deeply still and may not ever be over loosing their dear, beloved friend. I can’t imagine their pain and heartache. I wondered many times why I have felt so deeply the loss of Michael, a man I had never met. Yet I know there are millions of Michael Jackson fans around the world who feel as I do. I talk to them daily on the internet. I am not alone.

There are so many beautiful people I have met since Michael’s death that I would simply not have ever met otherwise… they have greatly enriched my life. Sadly with no ill intent or desire to hurt anyone’s feelings I must say I would give up those friendships in a nano-second to have Michael Jackson back in this world again. The reality most have reluctantly come to is 'acceptance' since June 25th, 2009, acceptance that Michael is gone forever. It has been a process, the whole world grieving together. We still do research via the internet looking for anything new, holding on to anything we can about Michael Jackson, especially meaningful for me are new, true stories or articles and interviews. We are very excited when someone who was blessed to spend close personal time with MJ, like Dave Nordahl or Patrick Treacy, share about their personal accounts of time with Michael. Those stories are particularly precious to me.

Michael’s creative energy and genius will be forever memorialized in videos, books and music. Everywhere are traces of MJ in this world for all time. To those who love him those touches from Michael are unmistakably EVERY WHERE you look and listen. Wonderful reminders of how he has touched, changed, inspired and encouraged people every where. I wish so much that these things would have been more openly shared when he was alive so he could have seen and appreciated how much he was loved and admired while he walked this earth. That being said I believe he is in heaven, looking down, seeing all the LOVE.

Magical things have happened at Forest Lawn, Holly Terrace in the last 20 months. Too many to list them but I will touch here on only a few. One day on a visit to Holly Terrace my friend, Robyn, looked up into the sky to see Michael's toes pose crafted in the clouds at sunset. It was dusk, Michael's favorite time of the day. After a few double takes, the consensus was, quite unmistakably, YES! God had Michael’s famous feet on display directly over Holly Terrace. It is just SO like Michael to continue to entertain his fans in magnificent and imaginative ways.

I visit Forest Lawn’s Holly Terrace on a regular basis. I love to hear the different languages at Holly Terrace from visiting fans from all over the world. Although there have been a few special, quiet, reflective visits; I have rarely ever visited when no one else was present sharing their love for Michael, tears, hugs and heartache. At times the grief is palpable and paradoxically at the same time there is so much LOVE and joy. Michael Jackson went through living hell on this earth but paradoxically he was filled with immense portions of God’s LOVE. I believe it was that grace of God’s love that carried Michael through many hellish attacks. Michael’s good friend Michael Bush, his designer and friend for over 35 years once shared with me as a fan attending the MJ Autry exhibit, "Yes Michael glowed. He glowed. He could light up a room, a stage, an arena. You could be standing in a room alone and with no sound, he would enter and the feeling in the room would change. You could just feel him. You could have your back to him and you knew he was there with no words. He lit up the room." That glow was the LOVE of God in Michael. Every day he read the Bible. Every day he prayed. Michael turned to God as his source and continues to inspire me to do the same.

Today at Holly Terrace you can still feel that LOVE on occasion… the L.O.V.E. MJ talked of, the special love that filled Michael in massive portions and enabled Michael to glow. It is as if the Lord left a bit of Michael’s shining LOVE to fill the area and bless all who visit there, all who have come to honor His chosen one.

I am remembering back to a very special time, a particular day when the MJ fans, about 30 of us at the time, visited Holly Terrace together. That spirit of LOVE that filled MJ came down from heaven so heavily on that special day and very special visit. The breath of LOVE was so thick in the air it felt as though you could cut it with a knife. I felt it meld around me like a warm flowing blanket. Then like a living breathing being it moved and covered those around me. I remember turning to others and asking, “Do you feel that? Do you FEEL the LOVE?” and wondering if they would think I had lost my mind completely. Their faces still shine in my memory smiling back at me, glowing and nodding their heads and saying “Yes, Betty, I feel it too.” We were all glowing that day. I literally reached out into the thickness to grasp at air to try to touch it still saying, “Can you feel that? Can you feel the LOVE?” The spirit of LOVE descended out of heaven and I watched as each person perked up and settled down all at the same time, there was a massive joint effort to console, comfort and reassure others that they were loved and accepted. So many present seemed to be filled with that un-matchless peace that only God’s LOVE can bring. Tears always flow at Holly Terrace but this was a much different day. As it grew dark and we were forced to leave as the park closed, I reluctantly pulled myself away. I was floating on a cloud of MJ LOVE. We all shared meaningful and caring hugs and cried tears of joy that day. We all mourned together but that day the bright light of joy, happiness and LOVE that Michael shared in this dark world touched us all. A very tangible feeling of LOVE which I wore all the way home. The most luxurious, comforting feeling so uplifting and penetrating it lasted for days. That experience is one I will never forget and will treasure forever. I will also hold those who experienced that day with me in my heart For All Time. Some have become so very special to me, and are etched forever in my heart, I love them dearly. Only God could make that day happen. Only God could share such a gift of LOVE that way to confirm to us that Michael Jackson was a chosen child in his kingdom from the beginning of time, that God LOVES the King of Pop, has him close by His side where no one can ever hurt him again. Yet also knows and acknowledges our broken hearts, our need for healing.

Then several months ago at the end of summer, I received a special invitation to go inside Holly Terrace. I was able to walk the halls openly. Visit Michael up close. It is a very beautiful place inside. The “Ascension” windows are gorgeous. There are many sculptures of children through out the halls which I am certain Michael would have loved, but sadly not one of those sculptures is near Michael’s crypt. Although they can be easily purchased and placed anywhere you specify. Not far, only just down the hall from Michael’s beautiful marble crypt at the Ascension windows is a beautiful stained glass “Christmas” window designed for Dr. Eaton, the founder of Forest Lawn, who like MJ also loved children very much. The window depicts children celebrating on Christmas morning and immediately reminded me of Michael and his children and how very much they loved Christmas.


I took my personal moments at the crypt with Michael and paid my respects and said a few words I had wanted to share with Michael for a very long time, while touching the marble Bible that stands open in front of the gates where he lays just under the floor. There are large bronze wall urns on each side of the crypt which were filled with beautiful fresh flowers and many more large and small floral bouquets were placed inside the gated area at the base of the crypt. I was astonished to learn as I drank in the scene, and this was several months ago; there was something very important missing here. There was no identifying plaque or name of any kind on Michael’s crypt. There are name placards everywhere throughout the mausoleum but the most famous man who ever lived on this earth has “No Name” on his crypt. Now here it is 20 months since Michael’s death and still Michael’s crypt has no name.

The fans can peer through the tinted glass in the door, cupping their hands just right when the sun hits the Ascension windows at just the right time of day you can see to the end of the long hall and glimpse where Michael lays. No one is allowed in unless invited and approved by security. I respect that. Forest Lawn and the family have their rules. We still go and pay our respects to Michael from outside, meet one another and share our friendship and LOVE for Michael. We are still blessed on our visits to Holly Terrace but Michael deserves MORE! Why is there no place for fans to honor Michael openly, freely? Why hasn’t Michael at the very least received a plaque with his name?

All this came rushing home for me when my friend sent me a beautiful poem. She was pouring out her heart of feeling like a wandering, lost soul searching for her King, her beloved Michael. I have posted her poem with her permission below at the end of my blog. Please take time to read it. It is lovely.

Also my son’s beautiful girlfriend, Megan, traveled to New York City and shared her pictures with me of John Lennon’s “Imagine” Memorial in Central Park, which even more so planted the feeling that Michael needs MORE! Deserves MORE! The fans cry out for a place where they can go and honor their King publicly.

In New York City‘s Central Park across the street from the Dakota apartment building where John Lennon was assassinated on Dec. 8, 1980 there is a simple, circular, black and white tile, mosaic memorial and at the center the word “Imagine”. One simply can not read that word and not think of John Lennon. Hundreds of fans visit daily from around the world and freely leave flowers or tokens of love and respect for John Lennon.


Then surprisingly in Havana, Cuba, where his music was once banned, John Lennon was celebrated as a hero and immortalized in bronze by Fidel Castro, who in his later years considered Lennon a "fellow dreamer" and personally unveiled the statue in 2000 along with a tribute concert to John Lennon.




Then of course there is Elvis’ Memorial at Graceland which most certainly pays great homage to him. In thinking about Graceland and how beautifully they honor Elvis and allow the fans access to visit and leave flowers and tokens of love for him in beautiful ways that all can openly see, it certainly gave root to the feeling that having Michael back home at Neverland, with it fully restored to the glory days when MJ was happiest there with his children would be a wonderful thing indeed.




Jimmy Hendrix too has a beautiful memorial at Greenwood Memorial Park in
Renton, WA, his home town, which honors his creativity and a heart searching for love. It stands as a wonderful testament to the artistic talent God gave him. His own portrait and signature forever engraved on his tomb.



These wonderful entertainers who died tragic deaths are freely and openly honored. Fans visit and show their love and respect from all over the world. Yet for the most famous, the biggest entertainer in the world, the one who owned “The Catalog”, the one who continues to bring in BILLIONS of dollars for Sony and the Estate there is no fan access to his grave and STILL NO NAME plaque honoring Michael Jackson.


MJ’s unreleased 2009 Song “A Place Without No Name “
To me this double negative actually means ‘Take me to a place WITH a name!’ Could this have been prophetic? When it comes to MJ it is highly possible.


~ LOST Army of LOVE ~

We have no place to say goodbye
We have no place to stand and cry

We try to find a place close to your heart
To try and understand why you had to part

We write notes, burn candles and flowers we bring
We try to stay close to you, as we watch you dance and sing

We have lost a part of us and can’t believe you are not here
For all the photos and memories of you, we still hold dear

It's just so hard we have no place to grieve
But you are everywhere or so we believe

We go to Forest Lawn, Carolwood, Hayvenhurst
and Neverland just so we can see your face
But we are lost and have no tangible place

We are very sad, your Lost Army of L.O.V.E
We still try to find you in the moon and stars above

We listen to the wind, see the flowers and butterflies
And hope your spirit and soul did one night rise

We hope you are at peace and rest in your eternal sleep
Michael you were our gift so in our hearts safe we will always keep...

We have no place to say goodbye
We have no place to stand and cry

© Copyright Robyn Starkand July 9, 2010

** The beautiful picture of MJ silhouette in the Ascension windows is photo shopped by MJ fan Jan Carlson onto a picture she found online. 

UPDATE (Dec. 31, 2013):
Since first writing this story only 20 months since Michael leaving this world... I've made peace with the fact that Michael is laid to rest in the most appropriate place... fit for a King. The subject of the name on his tomb is a private matter for Mrs. Katherine Jackson and the children to deal with. I've no idea their reasoning, whether it is religious or personal but it's not for me to say. One day it is my hope that the fans are able to purchase a marble statue of children playing and place it near Michael's beautiful marble resting place. It would be so appropriate.

Magical Journey - Neverland 2011

I had felt it now for several months… Neverland and Los Olivos were calling me. I invited a good MJ friend, Robyn, to join me for the journey. We had met the first time over a year ago, while visiting Michael Jackson at Forest Lawn, Holly Terrace. There is a special bond that MJ fans have. No words need to be spoken and then suddenly every word spoken is about Michael Jackson. I remember the first day we met, both of us heart broken, tear filled eyes, and feeling lost. Although we had never met before we hugged, immediately shared both the love and grief that was suddenly flowing uncontrolled from our hearts and an instant bond formed. We are so different in many ways yet I knew she “Got It”. She knew I “Got It”. Since that day through the thick and thin of the MJ fan world we have remained friends. I have many MJ friends I have bonded with just this way, immediately sharing the invisible thread of LOVE for MJ and a seemingly endless sorrow and grief over his loss, coupled with an enormous joy of celebration over his life, music and all he shared with the world. I am so grateful for all my beautiful friends.

Robyn checked the weather for Los Olivos and in spite of record freezing temperatures and some mighty crazy winter weather which trounced the Southern California area over the past several days, pouring down hail storms, rain, wind and freezing cold the forecast said it would indeed be sunny and clear on Sunday. That we decided would be the day.

Sunday morning arrived miraculously bringing THE most beautiful, inviting, glorious day. The new morning sun glowing magnificently crystal clear, not one cloud in the sky, any signs of a storm had vanished, the air was fresh and crisp, washed clean. I simply can not remember a day so beautiful for a very long time, as if it was a special delivery gift straight from God, just for our Magical Journey to Neverland. 

We met at our appointed rendezvous spot, and with no time wasted joined forces, setting out down the road. Turning left out through the first beautiful valley, filled with rolling hills, orange and avocado trees which leads to the beach and on up north to the Santa Ynez Valley. As always this area felt like a comfortable old friend. I love this drive, it just simply never gets old, but today it was something even more special. Everywhere you looked the landscape was green and lush after the recent rainstorms, a feast for the eyes and senses. The green hills glistened shiny bright in the morning sun and urged us on to the Pacific. I felt a tug of resistance in my heart leaving the beauty of this little valley behind. I always see so many places of great interest and think, "I want to stop here... one day soon." No time to stop now... because my mission takes me onward toward Neverland. Feeling I must not waiver from what is calling me I make a mental note to return soon. My friend who has never seen this part of California before asks me, “What is the name of this beautiful valley?”  I have lived in this area for over 30 years and I draw a blank, “Hmmm.... I just call it ‘The valley that leads to the ocean’.” I had to laugh, sometimes you just take a road in life by habit and never look at the signs. Pondering this I nod to myself... "Oh so true on so many levels." 


We now make our right turn North out on to the 101 freeway and there I see just off to the left the Pacific Ocean begins to peek at us in the distance. We move at a quick pace along the freeway and suddenly there in all its majestic full view is the Pacific Ocean laying calmly, serenely, with waves lapping at the shore. The blue green ocean waters greet an azure blue sky, dotted by the Channel Islands lying in line one right after the other off in the distance. Words fail me here. It does not seem possible to adequately describe the beauty of this sight nor do my pictures capture it. Robyn points out, "Pictures can't convey this... it is truly an experience." This is simply not the usual view off the coast in Southern California, due to the smog that sadly fills the air most days. Also this view is not easily seen in the summer months when I usually make the trek to Neverland. June gloom, the low lying marine layer of clouds, which I also love, that creeps in over the ocean and down into the surrounding valleys prevents the view of the Channel Islands almost completely. Today though is an amazing gift, a most special treat for the eyes and senses and I drink it in completely. Lowering my window I’m greeted by the refreshing feel and smell of salt air on my face and laugh out loud as I ‘Oohhh’ and ‘Aahhhh’ while snapping pictures of the incredible shades of blue as far as the eye can see. I won't mention here in much detail how much this frightened Robyn as I drifted over the line while driving and said, "Ooops!"

 

The miles and the journey pass quickly, we talk easily and are lifted effortlessly along our way as we sing along with Michael's perfect voice. Soon we take the turn inland from the beach up into the mountains surrounding Santa Ynez Valley. I feel the pull of Neverland in this section of the drive even stronger. I think about all the times Michael must have taken this drive and how he must have loved the beauty of this land as well. The landscape here I am amazed to see still has the bright, summer wild flowers even in winter and we both wonder out loud “Is this Paradise?” Up the winding mountain road we climb. On the right I look over and see the snow topped mountains towering high above the the Santa Ynez Valley where Lake Chacuma is seated. Everywhere the trees are full of leaves, bright green with new dark red and purple spring growth sprouting out at branch ends creating an amazing contrast of color. The rolling hills and gentle mountains are spotted with wild flowers in white, purple, yellow and orange. I find myself wondering, “Does winter ever truly come to this magnificent part of the world?” Yet as I think this thought I smile as a picture of MJ pops into my mind. In this picture he is smiling a big gorgeous smile, dressed in a very warm looking leather jacket, on a very clear winter day much like the one I am currently experiencing. He is standing in front of one of his amusement rides in Neverland and is bubbling over with joy. I share this thought with Robyn, before I even finish my explanation of the picture she knows exactly which one I am referring to and she finishes my sentence. We laugh.

Figueroa Mountain Road or Neverland Road as MJ fans refer to it, is now ahead and as we take the right turn toward Neverland we find today our companions on this leg of the journey are some very easy going cows, many young calves nursing with their mommas and some bulls with mean looking horns. Squirrels are romping through the pastures at play and just as we turn a bend we come upon a group of wild turkeys taking shade under a tree. As we take in this sight I smile as I recall sweet Michael in one of the thousands of depositions he was forced to give. Michael politely confounds a greedy, snake of a lawyer when he talks about the leasing of the cows at Neverland for "Milk Money".



Before we know it we have arrived. We pull off the side of the road at the Neverland gates and within moments are greeted by a friendly security guard who tells us that although we are the only ones present now, on average according to their most recent count about 350 people a day visit the gates of Neverland. We tell him about the wild turkeys we just saw and he happily shares with us there is wild life everywhere on the nearly 28,000 acres which encompasses Neverland. I am very happy to learn from this security guard, unlike some in the past, that Michael’s land originally named Sycamore Valley Ranch, according to this friendly man, is still affectionately called Neverland by many currently on staff there now. Sharing about the wild life he tells us many times deer, come right down to the guard shack and find the flowers very tasty. They heartily resist being shooed away from the flower beds they nibble on and are not the least bit intimidated by the humans. Big wide eyed owls share their "Who? Who? Whos?" in the night air. It sounds as if even the animals have the sense to question just as the MJ fans do, "Who? Who? Who will be accountable for Michael's death?" Most interestingly he shares about three Gray California Foxes which actually climb trees and were spotted climbing up into the trees at the front gates where they sat lookout in the branches for quite some time. Also rattlesnakes and tarantulas have been spotted on occasion, as well as squirrels, bunnies, coyotes and even Bob Cats. Amazingly he shared that once Michael Jackson even saw a bear in his travels around Neverland along with his colleagues on another occasion.

I find a soft spot in my heart for this kind and amiable man as he shares with us that everyone who comes to Neverland falls in love with this place. I know what he means and I have never been inside the gates to the house. He shares his love of working at Neverland and simply can’t imagine working anywhere else, and also many who work there feel the same way as he does. Sharing that some days when they are off work for three days in a row they really miss it and long to come back to work. So much so that if he didn’t have the job anymore he would try to find a way to volunteer just to be on the land. There is a feeling here today, that is very special. I know that Michael left Neverland long ago, his world shattered, hurt, devastated, his heart and spirit broken. He stated he never wanted to return, saying “It isn’t a home anymore” after the Santa Barbara Police Dept and DA Sneddon invaded, ransacked and violated his home; but in spite of this I have found that anywhere Michael has been his beautiful spirit seems to fill the space now. The feeling of LOVE is ever present as if God has poured out a portion of MJ’s love over special ‘Michael’ places. I feel this spirit of Michael’s LOVE at Forest Lawn and Neverland the most. Yes, today I feel a special feeling at Neverland I have not felt before.

The guard takes a picture of the two of us from the other side of the gates looking out.

We stay for a while and meet other fans, take our pictures and then move on down the road to Los Olivos. I simply love this now familiar, picturesque little town, filled with wine tasting rooms, Inns, restaurants and art galleries. In talking with the local store owners I have learned that Michael used to drive into town, hop out of his truck or SUV and walk the streets just like all the other residents. There are many famous people who live in this area and they are always left alone. Today we stop by Young’s Gallery for a visit with Ralph. We share hellos and catch up a bit. He fondly shares his memories of Michael and his trips to Neverland and remembers a time when he visited Neverland while delivering a collection of framed art for Michael and relays that he and Michael were standing in Michael’s office when he noticed a mannequin of a man in the corner and on Michael’s desk was a huge collection of trinkets and nick-knacks that Michael had haphazardly arranged which he had received from fans from all over the world. My mind wanders to a video of Michael’s home movies which showed his collection of belongings and trinkets in his bedroom closet piled haphazardly this way and I laugh. 

It is now lunch time and I had learned from Ralph on a previous visit to town that Michael shopped at the local Grocery store many times, so we decide to visit and order lunch. The store owner freely and happily tells us Michael used to come in and buy goodies all the time. A man behind us with the heavy smell of alcohol on his breath over hears us talking about Michael Jackson and slurs a rude, vile comment about Michael. The mood immediately changes. No one is smiling now. Everyone in line including myself are shocked and disgusted. He is so offensive. The store owner who is standing behind the counter immediately displays an unappreciative look and chastises him, speaking up in Michael’s defense. My friend and I turn our focus on this vile excuse for a man and immediately tell him,”That is not true, a complete lie. Michael Jackson never hurt a child EVER.” He backs down, back peddles and says “Well... I knew the guy.” My New York friend minces no words, and in her N.Y. take no bull attitude lays the truth out for ALL to hear, “Well if you REALLY knew him then you most certainly would not say something like that. The fact that you said anything like that about him says you didn’t EVER know him.” Then a woman behind us speaks up, “Hey you need to shut your mouth. You don’t know what you are talking about!” The foul man tucks his tail between his legs and scoots out of the store. As we finish paying or our items amongst apologies from the store owner and his accolades about Michael's wonderful kind heart, I look at him and his assistant behind the counter and say, "Well he just picked the WRONG people to mouth off in front like that. Hopefully he learned a lesson." They both laugh and nod their heads. This whole conversation then leads us outside where some of the town folk who have lived in Los Olivos for years are gathered. They began to talk about the obnoxious, foul man, who made the ignorant comment about Michael in the store, telling us that everyone in town is just fed up with him. He is generally a miserable person who makes everyone's life miserable. A very interesting point is brought up stating that usually people who continually bring up that topic are themselves haunted by it in some way. They reassure us that he is an isolated jerk and that most all residents loved Michael Jackson. The offensive man retreats from the store and slides off to the safety of shadows on the other side of the street. The town folk we are talking to, who look like local ranchers, continue to glare toward him and look as if they could kick his butt at any moment, and as I watch them watching him I think to myself, “Hey I would so love to help on that one! If he says one more word about Michael...” but in my heart as much as I'd love to wallop him one... it is a waste of energy. I walk in LOVE and turn my attention to more positive things. 

We have found a common ground with these people we just met and immediately strike up a conversation learning that in 2005 during Michael’s most painful days they all lived in Los Olivos and some were Michael’s neighbors. Each had met Michael at one time or another and were invited by Michael to visit Neverland several times and enjoyed the amusement park, the rides and theater. Somehow I wasn’t surprised that generous, loving, giving Michael freely invited many of his neighbors to come and enjoy Neverland. They shared with us that most of the town’s people admired Michael greatly and thought he was a beautiful man. One man expressed passionately that he never hesitated for one minute to take his children to Neverland. He said everyone in town was happy to have Michael Jackson in their town and there was never any problem with him being there. No one ever bothered him and he freely walked the town as any other resident. Most importantly they felt he was one of their own when he lived there.

One story in particular which touched my heart for Michael, was shared by the lady who had just moments earlier stood in line behind us and come to Michael’s defense. It was about her aunt who lives on Figueroa Mountain Road, Michael’s road to Neverland. She shared that Michael’s neighbors who regularly visited Neverland with their children and loved him dearly were so upset for him during the trial in 2005 they decided they needed to let him know they supported and loved him. So her aunt  made a big sign and she wrote “Your neighbors love you and support you Michael!” Then when she knew his caravan would be traveling down the road on the way home from court, she stood out at the end of her drive way and held the sign high and waved to him. Michael was so touched he had his driver stop the car and he rolled down the window and personally thanked her. I wanted to cry with happiness to hear of the town’s support for Michael, especially during the trial. This is the first time I have had the chance to talk to several residents in Los Olivos about Michael Jackson. Several people openly and loudly stated they NEVER believed for a minute that Michael Jackson was ever guilty of hurting anyone, especially children. They stood by him the entire time and were very sad about what was done to him for money. They too were very sad to see him leave Neverland after the trial but they also understood why he felt he needed to go. 

Amazingly on our Neverland and Los Olivos journey we also met a wonderful man who had been on staff for Michael at Neverland. First he had been invited to visit Neverland as a guest and then was appointed a job working at Neverland. He shared some amazing stories. One story that was especially interesting to me was that it was rumored among the staff when Michael still lived in Neverland and before the trial that Michael had planned on purchasing the land just on the other side of the highest point of land on Neverland property. As you look through the front gates and straight up to the highest point just on the other side of that point you will find Zaca Lake, also referred to as the bottomless lake because it is so deep. According to Michael’s previous employee he had planned on buying Zaca Lake and the surrounding land which also lines right up to the border of the Neverland property. This land is also known to be an old spiritual Indian ground connected to another old Indian spiritual ground and town named, Ojai. I was intrigued when he further explained that Ojai lays just across the way in the adjacent, sister mountain range. Chumash Indian legend has it that these two are connected by a ‘spiritual energy bridge’ which looks much like a rainbow and this rainbow over looks Neverland. 

He also tells us of the days when he worked on Neverland and how beautiful and peaceful a place it was. I was so envious to learn he had even been privileged once to climb up into the ‘Giving Tree’ and sit for a quiet time just as Michael had so many times. I so long to reach out and hug the 'Giving Tree' for all she gave to Michael and the world through Michael. He shared that it was in the ‘Giving Tree’ that Michael wrote ‘We Are The World’ which is still this man’s favorite song of Michael’s. Also after having sat in the tree he could very easily see how Michael could have been so deeply inspired to write his music there, especially with Michael’s acute mind for music. He shared it was simply the perfect place for inspiration. He said anyone, an average person, could be inspired sitting up in the tree and looking down on the incredibly beautiful, peaceful lake and landscape. He too had felt the great inspiration which Michael must have felt while sitting in the ‘Giving Tree’. He revealed that Michael had a small platform built up on the high branch where he liked to sit, there were metal handles Michael used to climb the tree and also electricity for late night visits to the tree so Michael could see to write.

Having just seen the graffiti and broken lamps and missing stones from the front gates I felt I needed to take the opportunity to ask someone who had worked for Michael if anyone ever wrote on the walls when Michael lived there. He said occasionally people would write on the walls by the road and Michael did not like it at all. He would have it removed. He said Michael would say that he liked to receive the cards, letters, flowers and gifts and enjoyed those that were left for him by fans but absolutely did not like the writing on the old stone walls. I was astonished to learn it was not a new thing that fans would break and take things from Neverland as they have since Michael has been gone. He shared about one time in particular when the visitors were out of control with taking things. It was a weekend day when Michael had invited about 1,000 people to come and enjoy the amusement park. They arrived by bus loads about 10:00 a.m. staying until 6:00 p.m. enjoying all the rides, snacks, candy, ice cream, movies and music for free. Then at the appointed end time the security detail joined hands, stretched out in a line across the property and slowly began moving the group of people along, gently telling them it was time to go, that the day was done and everyone needed to leave. As the crowd moved and arrived at the bridge suddenly they realized they were in fact leaving Neverland, and began ripping up flowers out of the ground, grabbing plants and anything they could grab to take with them as memorabilia. The thought that they had been freely invited onto private property, Michael’s home, never seemed to matter to them.  I found myself shaking my head in disbelief at his words, yet just having seen the destruction to the front gates and lights; I felt in my heart he was telling me the truth. I just find it so hard to comprehend the selfish behavior of some people. What I would give to go back in time and visit Neverland and show Michael’s home the respect it deserved. I never cease to be shocked and amazed by the attitude, arrogance and sense of entitlement some people seem to have in the area of Michael Jackson, which is complete utter, stark contrast to Michael’s kind character. Michael, who had the purest heart, was one of the most giving, kind, considerate and humble human beings to have ever walked this planet. 

We left our new friends and went on to our next stop, the local hardware store. I had learned on my previous visit that Michael had purchased a red adult tricycle here for the ranch and I wanted to show Robyn. Maybe it is just MJ fans who notice these things but not far inside was also a Skittles candy machine and a straw type fedora aptly named "Jackson" Panama Hat. I have no idea if they have named this hat after MJ but leave it to us to spot these with no hesitation as if pulled to them like a magnate. We put the hats on and fool around posing and laughing but there is much more ground to cover and only so much day light in the winter months.

Moving on down around the corner is the next very special stop, Woeste Nursery. As we pile out of the car once again we are delighted by the sound we hear from the giant wind chimes hanging from the century old tree, playing their ancient, deep, harmonious notes. This sound greets us at the gate, inviting us, pulling us deeper in. We find ourselves lost in this fantasy land. I could spend hours and hours in this magical place. Simply everywhere you look you are reminded of Michael and I have to keep a tight reign on my wallet when visiting here. Robyn finds a succulent which she says looks like ‘dreads’, a light green group of layered, stringed succulent discs with red edges. We laugh out loud when she later names her new plant “Blood on the Dance Floor.” This time I escape without one purchase because sadly the string of giant butterflies I had planned on buying are sold out. I promise myself I will return in the summer when they promise me they will restock them.  

The day has moved on to afternoon and realizing that both Los Olivos and Solvang roll up the welcome mats and close up shop very early, even on the weekends, we reluctantly decide we need to move on to Solvang, but first we must check out the Lavender fields to see if they are blooming. Moving past the midtown flag pole and out toward the edge of town we are disappointed to realize that they will not be in full bloom for another couple of months. Ahhh Hah! Another great reason to come back soon. 

Solvang is now on our radar so we move steadily on down the back roads past the pristine horse ranches. This back road drive is simply gorgeous with its exquisitely fenced properties, plump, happy Shetland Ponies and beautiful horses with shiny coats, feeding on carpets of emerald green pastures.  I was very happy I knew the way already from previous visits and unlike previous visits did not get lost once. We rolled into Solvang and quickly found a place to park near some of Michael’s favorite candy and antique stores. I love walking the streets of this wonderful town, little Sweden nestled in the mountains of Santa Ynez Valley, filled with Tudor type architecture which Michael loved and white Christmas lights all year long. I found my souvenir for the day which of course reminded me of Michael, a necklace with a pair of floating silver wings on each side of a floating crystal heart. Yes that was my take home for the day. 

We quickly narrowed in on the antique store where I had previously met Dorothy, the owner of the Mole Hole who had met Michael several times. She originally had shown me the Violano Virtuoso, and today, Crit, was our salesman and historian. He shared with us that Michael shopped in this antique store many, many times and according to the store log he bought mostly gifts, womens jewelry but also some mens jewelry, as well as some antique pieces. I asked if I could take a gander at Michael's list of purchases but he declined saying it would be meaningless to me since they were all listed by item numbers and not piece names. I wondered if he was just trying to pull in a sale to buy a similar item that Michael bought. Then I remembered an interview with Geraldo where he spoke of not buying jewelry very often for himself but bought gifts for women in his life. Then thought well it is entirely possible Crit was speaking the truth but I never got my look at the list... at least I asked.  I had found a gorgeous antique ring I loved until I heard the price and Crit encouraged me by saying, "If Michael was here he would buy that for you as a gift." I thought, "Well, I wish he was here to buy it for me too!! I just wish he was here!!"

One antique piece Michael had definitely purchased for Neverland was the unique Violano Virtuoso. It is from the early 1900's and is a player piano and player violin in one machine. Crit proceeded to insert a coin and it began to play. I am not sure if it was the amazingly emotional day, or the fact that we knew we were standing where MJ had stood at one time and most likely listened to the same sound, or possibly the fact that moments earlier we were fondly remembering his beautiful and endearing "Yoo Hoo... Yoo Hoo" from another antique store when he became excited about a new find, or maybe just simply knowing that he loved all these type things and we did too, but when the sound poured out of this giant music box a flood of emotion took over. To us it was simply the most beautiful sound you can imagine, other than Michael's voice. I felt as though I was immediately transported back to a simpler time, at the turn of the 1900's. A lighter than air musical, carousel sound of both piano and violin simultaneously filled our ears. Robyn who had never heard it before was over come by the beauty, caught breathless, was unable to speak and began to cry. When the music finished we talked to Crit and another salesman about the emotion the piece brought forth and they smiled very kind, knowing smiles and comforted us saying, “Please don’t feel like you are the only ones to have ever felt this way. Everyone who hears the music has said the same thing. In fact there was one gentleman who came in and when the music played he immediately bought one of these for $60,000 without a second thought. He said he must have it because it took him back to early years, back to childhood with his mother and father.” That was in the 1980’s now they are selling for $72,000. Crit confirmed what was told to me by both Ralph, from Young's Art Gallery, and Dorothy, that Michael Jackson did in fact purchase one of the intricate music boxes.

Dorothy had also shared that Michael would take day trips out to Solvang, walk the streets, poke around and shop. He especially loved the book store, ‘Grand Tales’, which is no longer there but was on the corner next to the Mole Hole when Michael lived at Neverland. One day he was on just such a visit and entered the book store looking for his favorite book, ‘The Reluctant Dragon’ by Kenneth Grahame. She knew already from previous conversations with Michael this was his favorite book and made sure to keep them on hand. He would enter, she would greet him and then immediately smile and point him right toward the book. She said he liked to just stand in the store and read the books but also bought many. Dorothy was eager to share with me that Michael was a valued member of the community and gave generously to the local Rotary and also donated many items for auction to raise money for the town. You can always tell a true fan of Michael’s by the look on their face when they talk about him, and in Dorothy I saw that look of deep love and admiration on her face as she happily and freely talked about Michael Jackson. She shared that Michael was always polite, kind and generous. She jumped at the chance to share about one time in particular that clearly showed Michael’s sweet and considerate character. He clearly was just out shopping, looking for some quiet time and dropped into the bookstore. She had just pointed him toward his favorite book when suddenly patrons and tourists in town began to realize it was Michael Jackson. Soon he was surrounded by a crowd. Dorothy discreetly approached him and quietly offered to shut down the store so he could shop freely in peace. His response was an emphatic, “No, No this is your business!”, then stood there for hours, all afternoon, signing autographs and giving hugs. He never left once to take a break, get a drink or go to the bathroom. He just gave LOVE all day long. Yes, this was the kind heart of Michael Jackson.

We next decided we must have the traditional Swedish desert. We sought out a great Swedish café and as we entered the scrumptious smell met our nostrils and suddenly we were there for dinner instead. So we partook in the down home, comfort food, goodness of traditional Swedish Meatballs with mashed potatoes smothered in scrumptious gravy, along with a side of sweet and sour cabbage, topped off with a serving of delicate Apple Skivers covered with powdered sugar and drizzled with raspberry sauce. Pronounced ‘Skeevers’ as in Beaver Cleaver. I was amused to realize apparently our lovely waitress had tired of hearing tourists mispronounce the name and left me duly corrected. Robyn chimed in as she walked away, “Like Beaver Cleaver.” We laughed and both of us will now always remember the correct pronunciation.

After enjoying our scrumptious dinner we headed back to Neverland to see the very thing I had been waiting for all day… the waning crescent moon hanging over Neverland. I was surprised to learn that they no longer turn on the outside lamps at the gate and it is pitch black there except for the guard shack spotlight. I am unsure but it seems there has been so much damage to the lights by fans that they no longer work or it could be for conservation reasons. In any event it does make gazing up at the stars easier. To our amazement and my disappointment, and contrary to the moon phase calendar I checked before embarking on this Magical Journey there is NO moon out tonight at all, no waning crescent, no sliver of any kind to be seen anywhere. We walk up and down the road in the pitch dark listening to a group of bull frogs serenade us, thinking the view might be blocked by a tree but still find NO moon. Is this possible? I know nothing about astronomy except stars are pretty and the North Star is always near the moon. Tonight there is no moon so I am not even sure where the North Star is or which way is north so I can find it. Then I remember it is the brightest star. I look up at the stars and they are all so bright, in my mind there is no way of knowing. I have never seen stars this bright in my life. Robyn owns a telescope and loves to star gaze and we simply can’t take our eyes off this deep black ink sky. She, like a kid in a candy store, is pointing out constellations and naming them for me one after the other. I nod my head in amazement gasping over and over again, “Wow...Wow... this is so incredibly beautiful!” I have no idea what I am looking at beyond the Little Dipper except to say it is absolute utter beauty. Looking up it seems as though Tinker Bell has cast her wand and strewn across this black, velvet blanket hanging above us an array of glistening, sparkling diamond Pixie dust. As this scene grabs our attention it no longer matters that we can’t find the moon. The coziness I feel under this massive blanket of diamonds in the sky is beyond explanation. We stand, heads tilted way back and mouths hanging open gazing into the night sky… Speechless.

Having fulfilled our Magical Journey we climb on board, turn our car toward home, second star to the right and on past Neverland. Singing along with Michael sigh deeply and share, one... then the other “I still miss him so much.” “Yes… me too… I miss him so much.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The sound of this amazing music box has been described by MJ fan Siren from Canada as "The sound of angels weeping, touching the depth of your soul"

Some Violano Virtuoso facts: There are only 2,000 in existence today and one of them belonged to Michael Jackson. In the 1904 was listed by the U.S. government as the 8th greatest invention of the decade. Hand built by the Mills Novelty Company in Chicago, IL between 1900 and 1930. Violano Virtuoso was a 1900  equivalent to the modern day juke box. These music boxes were sometimes seen and heard in diners.

It is virtually impossible to get the beautiful sound of this music box via You Tube but I have attached a video here so you can see a comparison. This is not the song we heard but it is very pretty.