Dreams - We All Grow Wings

“Those are moments when fate is unsealed. Nothing is impossible, we can soar, we can fly, walk on fire, navigate the sky” ~ Michael Joseph Jackson 

“When all life is seen as divine, we all grow wings.” ~ Michael Joseph Jackson

I will forever be counting backwards from June 25, 2009 the day my life changed forever. I never met Michael or attended a concert which I deeply regret. Maybe this is the motivating factor that pushes me to all things Michael. I simply can’t get enough Michael Jackson. An overwhelming need to be where he once was fills my days, a force pushing me to strive to be closer to him in whatever way possible even though he is gone. At first the grief over Michael’s loss was so devastating and unrecognizable for me I simply didn’t understand what was happening to me. How do you explain to your family that your heart is shattered and your life has come to a complete halt over the loss of someone you don’t even know and have never met? I couldn’t explain because like millions of other MJ fans I didn’t understand it myself. All I knew is my heart was broken, simply shattered, my life’s axis forever altered, never to be the same.

God knew what I felt. God saw my heart and touched my life in those months following MJ’s death. My mind became filled with words. I had not written in many, many years and such overwhelming sorrow for Michael resulted in words filling my mind non stop pouring out from my broken heart. I simply had to write... write about Michael. I felt the Lord leading me to go places where Michael went. I watched online as thousands of people who felt just as I did also poured out their broken hearts and my heart broke with them and for them because they were so far away from where Michael lived here in Southern California. At least I had that. I could visit Forest Lawn, Hayvenhurst to drop off flowers, Carolwood, the MJ Hollywood Star and many more MJ places and feel some sort of connection to Michael. I felt an urging a prodding from the Lord as if to tell me I must go and walk in Michael’s footsteps and write about my Michael adventures so that others could also feel closer to Michael.  I felt maybe in some tiny way possibly this would help bring a bit of healing to a few of the broken hearted. Consumed by grief with no idea of what to expect or what was in store I could never have imagined in a million years how my life would change with the decision to step out and follow the Lord’s leading. Michael’s compassionate touch brought healing and joy to so many people when he walked this earth. For me even in death Michael still continued to touch my life and change me. It’s been a long road in the grieving process for myself and millions of others around the world and I have been privileged to watch as so many have taken steps to heal and grow through this process.

I could never have believed my life would be filled with so many wonderful and amazing people since Michael’s death. All I wanted to do was to feel Michael in my heart and erase the pain of missing him. A true analogy for me since Michael’s death is a butterfly emerging from a cocoon. For many years I lived a shell shocked life wrapped securely in a church cocoon, protected, licking my wounds, shut off from the outside world healing from a deeply massive pain caused by the devastation of abuse in my life. I really felt I could not go on living at times the emotional pain was so great but God had other ideas for me. I struggled through life and spent every moment I could in church as it was the only place where the pain lifted. I had grown so much and healed so much. Then Michael Jackson died. An overwhelming feeling of devastation inexplicably hit me. A tsunami of grief I could not control took over my life. I was in the process of reading ‘The Shack’ when Michael died. An amazing book which deals with the unfathomable pain of a father helplessly watching as his little girl gets kidnapped and then is later found horrifically murdered by the abductor. Not surprisingly the emotional pain had ended the father’s life as he once knew it. Not to compare that horrific experience to mine but he too like me was no longer living but just existing surrounded daily by a dull shell of pain. A war shocked victim of this cruel world. Then God stepped in took over and healed him. I could relate this pain to Michael and all he experienced on this earth. This book is so beautifully visually descriptive and teaches of a God who deeply LOVES all people on this planet beyond measure. New realms of thinking had opened for me, completely different ways of looking at the Trinity and God as my source and loving Father.  Then... Michael Jackson died and I put the book down unable to finish it... unable to continue... but then everything in my life came to an abrupt halt when Michael died. The world as I knew it ended when Michael died. Looking back with 20/20 hind site I now realize my good and loving Father God prepared me for Michael’s death with this book. Prepared me for the incredible changes that he wanted to bring and mold into my life.

"...I Don't Need No Dreams When I'm By Your Side
Every Moment Takes Me To Paradise
Darlin', Let Me Hold You
Warm You In My Arms And Melt Your Fears Away
Show You All The Magic That A Perfect Love Can Make
I Need You Night And Day..."

by MICHAEL JACKSON

There have been times when other MJ fans have shared dreaming about Michael. They share their dreams and I am amazed and I have to say although happy for them and enthralled by some of the dreams they share I feel a bit jealous because when Michael died all my dreams stopped. The only dreams I have had since his death are a few nightmares about work...Ugh! I won’t go there and another dream I had after praying, “God please give me a dream about Michael.” I had this dream only a few days after praying this prayer and woke up wondering “What? Why Lord after no dreams for soooo long then I have a dream about my boss?” A boss who in my large company would not know me from Adam. Nice guy but another Huh?... UGH! Then I realized his name... yup you got it “Michael.” Yes God has a sense of humor. Reminding me yet once again you must be very specific in your prayers. So I prayed specifically for dreams about Michael Joseph Jackson the King of Pop, "Any kind of dream but please make it about Michael Jackson, Lord.” Yet still no dreams... after all this time still no dreams.

You may be wondering what this all has to do with my Michael journeys... well last night I was so thrilled and blessed to be attending yet again for the third time the Michael Jackson Immortal Cirque du Soleil, Los Angeles premier. I found myself once again in awe of how Michael and God have changed my life as I looked at my good friend Robyn saying, “Can you believe this night?” Suddenly I became acutely aware that in many ways even though I don’t dream my life has been touched incredibly by Michael and I am now living my dreams. 

I bought my ticket to the MJ Cirque Immortal show in October 2010 not long after the first announcement was made that they were available early for MJ fans. I had to wait over a year for that show but I didn’t care. I had my ticket. I clicked and clicked looking at the best seating for the Staples Center until I found the seats I wanted with the very best view middle stage in the loge section left, for the price I could afford. I found them and thought they were just perfect. Then amazingly in September of 2011 I was invited via Bonnie and MJ-Upbeat to Montreal to view one of the last rehearsals of the Immortal show before it’s big premier in Montreal. No I wasn’t dreaming... this was real life. I flew to Montreal by invitation of the Michael Jackson Estate and saw the show with 13 other fans and sat almost exactly in the same spot where I had purchased tickets for the future show in Los Angeles, January of 2012. John Branca had remarked to us that the location of the seats we were in to view the rehearsal in Canada afforded the absolute best view in the house of the show. I had to agree and was simply ecstatic to know I had almost the exact same seat location for L.A. in 2012.

Friday, January 27, 2012 finally arrived and last night I attended that show. Excited like a kid at Christmas I couldn’t wait to get there. My dear friend Robyn attended with me. We found our seats and found many other fans we knew were also there. It was like a huge MJ party. We waved from across the stadium to our friend Debra who drove in with us as her seat was separate from ours bought at a different time. Another friend from Italy found us and we reconnected. It seemed everywhere we looked we saw beloved MJ fan-amily. Another MJ friend who had just danced in the Thrill the World Flash mob approached and was surprised to find familiar faces as she took her seat next to me on the end of the row. Then as were waiting for the show to start we happily sat talking about Michael and recent MJ events when I was surprised to see John Branca walking up the stairs where we were seated and sit down just on the opposite side of us. Not long afterwards the members of his team all came in and sat down directly across the isle. Now a days I am a celeb watcher at these type events, so I had my binoculars out perusing the crowd for both MJ fan friends and celebs. We were told by excited MJ friends that Usher was in attendance and looking really fine in a blue suit and that Tito and Jackie Jackson were also there, as well as Michael’s children and Katherine. The front row end stage seats were empty so we were curious and hopeful to see if the children would be seated there just like in Las Vegas. Then all those seats filled up but not with the children and Katherine. Also there was no sign of Tito and Jackie. Then as I looked through my binoculars Tito and Jackie's faces suddenly loomed VERY large through my binocular lenses... in fact they were right in front of me and along with them was Jackie's son Siggy and Chris Tucker and his son. I laughed and commented, “Well I sure don’t need binoculars at Staples” and quickly stashed them in my purse. We all curiously watched to see where they would be seated. I joked with Robyn and those around me “Wouldn’t it be funny if they sat right here in our row?” The man in front of me cynically chuckled, “Yeah and Chris Tucker can sit right here” as he nodded to the two empty seats next to him and directly in front of me. We all chuckled about it and then simultaneously our eyes grew bigger and bigger as Chris Tucker and his beautiful son, as well as Jackie, Tito and Siggy Jackson and their girl friends all walked up the isle towards us. Chris Tucker and his gorgeous little boy taking the seats right in front of me that the man had just nodded to. The man smiled at me with an incredulous look of complete disbelief and I looked back at him sharing the same astonished look. Then first Siggy, then Jackie and his girlfriend and then Tito’s fiance and Tito all walked in front of us in our row and over to their seats. The ladies were just beautiful. Those handsome Jackson men certainly do attract some gorgeous women. They weren’t seated long before I couldn't resist saying hello to Tito and asked, "I hope you don't mind if I scream. I get rather loud at the Immortal show." He smiled and said, “No not at all. Go a head and enjoy yourself” which only triggered the Jackson song "Enjoy Yourself" in my mind. I smiled and resisted reminding him of his own song. I wasn’t sure if he was being polite or not but I simply couldn’t contain my rapturous joy as I was unable to stay in my seat hopping up several times to clap and whoo hoo. Even with all the celebs around I just had to be me and danced in my seat, clapped, laughed, waved my arms, sang along and cried. At one point in the show I yelled out "Michael we miss you! Michael we LOVE you!" I think I might have scared Chris Tucker a bit but then again I think he knew exactly how I felt. It just had to be said in the house where Michael last practiced, in the house where Michael's memorial took place. It just had to be said. It was an emotional roller coaster ride the entire night. Chris Tucker was rockin’ out to MJ’s music in his seat in front of me and singing along so I wasn’t alone. Robyn and all those around me also were dancing at their seats. Others around me also jumped to their feet once and awhile and by the end of the show the band had gotten the entire arena to their feet clapping and enjoying Michael’s Cirque show.

When first seated before anyone had arrived we met two cute young girls from Canada who were sitting behind us as we talked about the show and the MJ hand and footprint ceremony on Hollywood Blvd. the day before and they were already fascinated and wanting to know more about our MJ fan activities saying, “You lead such interesting lives. We love Michael Jackson but we don’t ever get to do anything like that.” Then when they saw Tito and Jackie Jackson and Chris Tucker come and sit down I turned around to them and mouthed the words “Oh My God!” Wide eyed they looked like two fawns caught in headlights. I was smiling and grinning from ear to ear seeing their priceless expressions. Yes this is my life. I don’t need to dream. They later said it perfectly “I think I’m in a dream. Is this really happening?” I said “Yes and I have asked myself that same question many times over the last year or so.”

Across the isle from me was, Jeff who I had met in Montreal. He heads up the MJ Online Team for the Estate. He was surprised to see me when I waved at him to say hello and laughed, “You two again?  Everywhere I go there you are!” I laughed as I retorted, “Well there’s no way I’d miss the Immortal show in my own home town. I bought my tickets over a year ago.” We exchanged some fun conversation as I joked, “I didn’t realize I’d be sitting in the VIP section.”

Then I just sat there drinking in the joy. God is always treating me to the most delightful things. He perfectly knows the little things that bring me great joy. Anything Michael of course. My affordable seats which I had scrimped to pay for were ‘good seats with a great view of the show’ now suddenly became 'VIP seats with celebs and a great view of the show.' Ironically I had just prayed the same day about stepping back from the MJ fan life for a while to concentrate on ‘me’ as I had lost my temper with a fan, be-lie-ver, just the day before at the hand and footprint ceremony. I had just told God I didn’t want to be that person. Michael is about LOVE and the LORD is about LOVE and I don’t want to be that person who rips someone’s head off because they are sick or sadly mixed up. My patience for those who believe Michael is alive or living somewhere in some warehouse as a slave music maker for Sony is just plain gone. Yet still I don’t want to be a person that hurts others. I keep my distance from them but don't like to lash out. So I was telling God maybe it’s time for me to step back and if so give me a sign. This thought was still in my mind when I heard my name called and turned to hear, “Betty, I want you to meet someone.” I turn around, look up and see Siedah Garrett looking back at me. Unbelievable! Of course I squealed like a crazy fan... something I always tell myself I’ll never do and proceed to tell her how much I love her and admire her and gush on and on. Thankfully I got out something intelligent about how wonderful her new project is. She gives me a hug and thanks me and then returns to her seat. The gentleman with her was smiling at me really big so maybe I wasn’t too far over the top... hopefully. I have never been the star struck type until Michael died and now... well I admit it... the previous words tell you how I’ve changed; however these people are so special. They worked with Michael. They knew, respected and still LOVE Michael. Now I could probably meet any other celeb and it just would not be the same. I’d be impressed and I’d just say, “Hello and nice to meet you” and go on about my business unfazed but these people are special uber talented, beautiful people Michael chose to work with. That says it all. Michael chose them.

The show begins and although I am a star struck fool it is not at all hard to focus on the show. The main character, a mime dancer, Salah from France which I feel Michael would have so enjoyed takes us on a journey through Michael's genius. Salah’s amazing abilities and talent are showcased throughout Immortal, here at the very start he begins interacting with the audience. My heart skips a beat and tears come when the Neverland gates and bronze statues come to life before my eyes. The band is spectacularly, “kick ass” amazing. There are changes in the show from the very first moment which make it feel like I am watching a completely different show. Later as we talk to Stephane Mongeau, Executive Producer of the MJIWT Cirque du Soleil, we compare the ever evolving Cirque way of perfection to Michael’s perfection and his now iconic This Is It phrase, “Let it simmer.” Daring aerobatics have been added and amaze. Stunning backdrop curtain effects make each act bigger than life. Then the most surreal moment happens as the Jackson 5 music plays and I just simply can’t resist a big smile as I look down the row at Tito and Jackie to my right. They smile back at me... now that is an awesome memory. The show is simply spectacular. The music is of course electric and Michael’s beautiful voice moves me to tears more than once. The show ends with everyone on their feet giving a thunderous applause and cheers for each cast member. This was the most magnificent tribute to Michael in the very house where he last practiced before his death. As Michael's drummer Jonathan Moffett, Sugar Foot, phrased it this morning: Last Night, "The Immortal", "M.J.'s Return" INVADED Staples Center and "Took Hollywood and L.A. by STORM" and it was 'ELECTRIC'!!!

I was completely taken off guard and gob smacked when I was told during intermission I was invited back stage after the show. Immediately following the last applause we stood from our seats and began to move across the main floor to the back entrance of the arena where we met the Cirque cast, directors, producer and the band. Steve Perry from Journey was there as a guest. Chris Tucker was now mingling as were Jackie, Tito and Siggy and their group.

I had met Greg Phillinganes in Montreal with the other fans but this night I also met his beautiful girlfriend, Jory Steinberg, who is also a sensational singer in the show. She was wearing a stunning Swarovski crystal chain and lace out fit from the show. When I first saw Jonathan Moffett I gleefully yelled out "Sugar Foot!!" Although he smiled and seemed to like hearing "Sugar Foot" I felt a little embarrassed to say the personal name which Michael used to call him having never met him before, so then called him Jonathan instead. He was gracious and kind and posed for a picture with me while still holding his drum sticks and before going to change. Travis Payne who I met as a fan in Las Vegas I teased again about his jacket as he wears the most gorgeous jackets. He was gracious and kind as always. The extremely hot and incredibly talented Cellist, Tina Guo, was also very humble, sweet and kind and it was such a pleasure to talk to her. So many from the incredible Cirque du Soleil cast were present and everywhere were their familiar faces. I was thrilled to be able to thank the lead dancer, Salah for his incredible, stunning, moving and inspirational performance. One cast member I so wanted to meet was Cameron McKinlay, a French one leg dancer from Canada, originally from Vietnam. His performance never fails to amaze and inspire. I managed to get a picture of Cameron and beautiful Shantal Tremblay, Director of Creation. All these talented genuinely gifted performers bring so much of Michael’s heart and drive for precision to this fantastic show. The LOVE they have for Michael is so evident as we talked to several of them a heartfelt look of admiration and respect for Michael glows on their faces as they respectfully pat their chests over their hearts as we thank them for honoring Michael’s legacy. Although I felt out of place in my comfy, bull dog sweats I normally always wear. It was simply surreal to be so close to so many extremely talented people. 

It was a night of amazing and special memories... yet another incredible night to add to the list of dreams I have lived since Michael’s death. That being said ultimately I’d give up all of these wonderful experiences in a heart beat to have Michael Jackson back on this earth again with his family. I have come to accept that Michael has found his forever bliss in heaven. This night was a magical and beautiful celebration of Michael's amazing legacy, his genius, music and LOVE which he generously shared with this world.

God knows the desires of our hearts and is only too happy to fulfill those desires. Thank you God for the gift last night of a very blessed and magical Cirque du Soleil and thank you to Jeff and the Estate for your kindness and generosity on such a special night.

 ... and I'm so very sorry Chris Tucker and Tito for Woo Hooing so loudly in your ears.


“Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4

Jonathan Moffett "Sugar Foot" commented the following on his Face Book Page after Saturday night's show. Jonathan, thank you for being such a loyal and loving friend to Michael For All Time. You are an honorable and wonderful person. God bless you Sugar Foot!

Jonathan Phillip Moffett

Staple Center, The Building of "Bittersweet" for me. For 'This', is where I am Now Performing our 'Astounding' Show presentation of the Tribute Show and Tour, Cirque Du Soleil Michael Jackson "The Immortal" with performances last and Friday nights. And "That, Is the Sweet." But also, for me, Personally, This building holds significance in a greater, more darkened way. For it is the place where 'Last' I Saw and was With Beloved Michael. Rehearsing for the now ill fated World Tour "This Is It" on the day and night of June 24th, 2009. The place, also, where I had to play, and perform at the services televised of his public funeral, while he lay there. And 'This Evening' Still, I'll be there once again for our 3rd and final show of L.A. dates. It will be a Good Day, A Good Day Indeed. But a Bad Day as well. 'Good' as Another Day to Celebrate his life and legacy to Honor him in a Positive Way. To bring the public together 'All As One' as he wished and tried to do in his life and time World Round And he 'DID'!!! But a Bad Day as I will once again, face the inner visions of that Other Last Day which haunts and has haunted my memory for the past 2 days walking the backstage halls and tunnels ways of the Final place. Of the time and the dreadful Day, of the Dreadful news I came to find were Really True when I arrived there. But, I am Resilient and I am Strong now. And I am Determined, to mask the Dreadful, with the Wonderful Light', this show and tour Celebrates his life and deeds in. So I shall focus on the positive, and Overshadow the Negative. I will "Turn On The Lights" in my mind to Drown Out the Darkness of the bitter day. I will Perform, as I've Always performed in his presence for the 'Greatest of Perfection' as he always did. "I Will Perform for Him, . . . . . Michael, . . . My Friend, . . . . The Jackson, and Once Again, strive to find his grace upon My Work, he put faith in me in....."_ "Look Down My Friend, . . . . AND 'STILL Find', . . . . . . . "You Are Not Alone, . . . . I Am Here With You, . . . . Though You're Far Away, . . . . I Am Here To Stay, . . . . You Are Not Alone, . . . . I Am Here With You, . . . . Though We're Far Apart, . . . . You're ALWAYS In My Heart, . . . . And 'Tonight', You Are Not Alone........"_

Much Love and Peace I leave you All my friends.
Jonathan_

A Mother's LOVE - Mrs. Katherine Jackson

It wasn't too long after Michael died as fans were collectively grieving around the world and connecting in a way never before seen on this planet via the internet, sharing their grief and broken hearts over loosing Michael that my dear friend, Bonnie Lamrock, from MJ-Upbeat asked the MJ fans who visit her beautiful website to share notes, letters, poems or writings expressing their hearts for Mrs. Jackson. MJ-Upbeat was my lifeline in a sea of grief and I felt so honored when Bonnie posted my writing next to so many other fan's contributions for Mrs. Jackson. All the writings were then lovingly put into a book by an MJ-Upbeat MJ fan, Sheril, for Mrs Jackson which I was then honored to deliver to Hayvenhurst on behalf of MJ-Upbeat, Bonnie and the fans. 

https://www.mj-upbeat.com/Mrs.KatherineJacksonsBookDeliverybyBettyByrnes.htm 

When Bonnie first asked for contributions for Mrs. Jackson's book I remember thinking there was just simply no way to put into words how I felt at the time knowing her heart was so shattered. What do you possibly say to someone who has lost their child especially the mother of Michael Jackson? I simply had no words, every time I sat down to write the words just seemed to get stuck in the caverns of my own broken heart. Then I went to church, prayed about what to write and felt the Lord tell me, "Just write what's in your heart... set your pain aside and write from your heart." Then the words came pouring out. I am not a poet... never have been. That is not how words come to me. God gave me the words that day and I feel the very same today. I felt my writing was so inadequate for what I really wanted to express especially next to so many who write so wonderfully, but sent them to Bonnie anyway. I was absolutely amazed when a lady at work told me she had Googled me and found my note to Katherine. Then even more shocked when she said she had read my contribution to Katherine and it made her cry. She is not an MJ fan so it was even more poignant for me. I felt blessed that I was able to share with someone in the world the LOVE I feel for Michael and the gratitude and respect I feel toward Mrs. Jackson.

Now again over two years later there seems to be a shameful, unbelievable attack of disrespect from some misguided MJ fans towards Michael's mother, Katherine Jackson. So I deeply feel its very necessary to speak my heart again.

I just want to publically thank and acknowledge her and express my LOVE and gratitude.

God bless you Mrs. Katherine Jackson. 

Thank you for sharing your gifted son with us, with the world. 

Thank you for caring for and loving Michael's children.  

Below is my contribution to Mrs. Jackson's book just as it is still posted on the
MJ-Upbeat website as well as the link to the original.
There are many, many beautiful writings much better than mine on Bonnie's website.
Please visit and read them. Be blessed by them

https://www.mj-upbeat.com/ToMrs.KatherineJacksonFromBettyByrnes.htm

November 14, 2009 To Mrs. Katherine Jackson From Betty Byrnes

Perfection

You were there....
When God filled Michael’s little body, as he kicked in your womb, did you feel him dancing?
You saw his first beautiful, radiant smile and heard his first sweet angelic laugh.
Your ears heard the first time his sweet crescendo rose, filling the house.
You witnessed his first dance steps as he grooved to the sound of the washing machine.
Did you marvel to see his first audience clap for him at the laundry mat as he danced and sang?
You woke him for late night TV shows and sat with him watching his idol James Brown.
You were with him and your hearts broke together as you both sat watching and crying for the dying children in Africa on TV, you were the one he turned to and promised
“I will do something about that someday.”
Oh how he DID!

You carried his life within your heart and upon your shoulders as you walked along side him through joyful times and oh so very difficult times.
You were his beacon in the night, his comfort, his shelter, his lifter of spirits, his rock.

A Mother’s love...
He loved you beyond measure...no others could come close to his esteem for you.
No other could ever hold a candle to the bright, shining love he carried in his heart for you.
He emulated your love for him as he reached out to heal the world with empathy and compassion.
God filled him with a tender, sensitive, sweet, caring, giving spirit.
God instilled the most intelligent, creative, genius and musicality.
Of all the women in the universe God chose you to teach him how to share it with the world.
Oh how you DID!

A Mother’s heart ...
The world has lost the kindest, most loving man that has ever walked this planet as he emulated Jesus. I wish I could say we valued him as you did while he was here.
I am so sorry for all he endured by those who could never understand what a precious gem he was. Only a mother knows a son’s pain. I am so sorry for all you have endured.
No one will ever know what you feel. No words can describe a mother’s loss.
The world is left darker, more silent, and less joyful as his perfect pitch now entertains the heavens.
A love angel... yes, he truly was... but you have always known that.

You loved and shared him... he loved and changed the world...
He will forever be the fabric of love that governs my life... given by the Lord to bless.
I thank you Katherine, for sharing your beautiful, God gifted, seventh child, Michael.
Michael Joseph Jackson in life and in death has changed my life, and is still changing the world.
His love...the love you nurtured in him... lives on.

You are prayed for ...
I just simply can’t imagine the loss and emptiness you must feel.
We, his fans, all mourn; but you... you truly knew him with a mother’s heart.
The missing him, the loss, the grief must be unfathomable.
I pray for you, your whole family and especially Michael’s children.
I pray for peace, comfort and sweet memories to fill the void, to fill your days, nights and dreams.
I pray his smell lingers and a sense of closeness be there for you,
and chimes of his sweet laughter fill your ears on the difficult days as waves
of grief and acceptance ebb and flow.
God bless you always. You are a wonderful woman, mother and grandmother,
for as Michael said “My mother is perfection”.

God Bless You and Yours Always,
Betty Byrnes
(California, USA)

Most pictures care of Bonnie and MJ-Upbeat. Thank you Bonnie.

Michael: as a Verb

Michael: (Related forms) Mich·el·ing, Michael-ism, Michael-ness, Michael-ed;
noun, adjective, verb
1. to go from one Michael place to another, as by car, train, plane, or ship; take a trip; journey: to travel for pleasure to follow in the steps of Michael Jackson.
2. the act of a Michael journey.
3. to journey, to traverse distance places, to proceed, to go from place to place as a Michael Jackson fan in pursuit of, seeking all things MJ.
4. to associate, consort with other Michael Jackson fans who pursue all things Michael Jackson.
5. to travel, journey, or pass through or over, as a country or road, town or city where Michael lived, visited, traveled, performed or shopped.
6. journeys; wanderings; pursuing all things Michael Jackson
7. to express ones Michaelness.
8. to focus on, watch, listen to, to attend, to buy, dance to, sing, embrace all things Michael Jackson.
9.  to spend endless internet and video hours in pursuit of all things Michael Jackson; to blog, to post, to text, to You Tube, to instant message, to email, to tweet all things MJ.

We had never personally met. Like millions have done around the globe since Michael Jackson’s death we became friends on Face Book via the LOVE we hold dear for Michael Jackson. I had wondered what I was getting myself into as you never really know someone just from posts and messages on Face Book. I have learned you can have a great back and forth posting relationship with someone and then you meet them and they are not at all what you perceived them to be. You just never really know someone from Face Book communication. The old fashion face to face communication of expression is lost in the technological world of text messages, email, Face Book and the internet. It’s so easy to type (((HUGS))) and another thing to embrace someone in person. To look them in the eye and say, “Hello” or “How are you?” let alone “I LOVE you.” A term which is the mainstay of all Michael Jackson fan pages. So I was a bit nervous; however I had prayed for months about our encounter and vacation time together and had a sense of peace and anticipation. I also knew God was in charge and I was on yet another Michael journey. I was excited for what was in store and how the next 10 days would unfold.

I arrived early at LAX airport as I didn’t want her to land in a strange place alone without someone to welcome her. We had exchanged pictures of each other to know who to look for but pictures don’t always do justice to the real essence and appearance of a person’s spirit. They can look so different in person. Then there she was, you couldn’t miss her even though she was just a “little bit” as my dad used to call me when I was small. I am not a tall person but Susan was a bit shorter than myself and very thin and trim. Yes small in stature but there was no mistaking that great big MJ LOVE. MJ shirt, jacket, loafers and a big smile. I called her name as a question, “Susan?” with instant recognition as we made eye contact. Gathering her up, off we went wheeling her suitcases to my car as we embarked on the beginning of a new Michael adventure. It seemed from that moment on for 10 full days our Michaeling only stopped long enough to garner a few hours sleep before moving on. It was a wonderful whirlwind of activity, restful sharing, constant MJ music, laughter, commiserating over the sadness of broken hearts over the loss of Michael Jackson and a full years worth of Michaeling crammed into 10 days.

At times there was silence as we digested a day and felt our own feelings over a subject or adventure. What is it that makes a friendship? The ability to be who you are and feel what you feel and not have to constantly tell someone what that is... a knowing... a communication without words. This is what we had. Although there were ALOT of words too. Many, many as we stayed up late into the wee hours of the morning, night after night talking and watching MJ videos, never able to get enough of Michael Jackson and not wanting to waste a single moment of her time in California.

I had planned a massive Michaeling tour session fitting in as many of the So. Calif. Michael spots as possible. Neither of us had any idea what was truly in store. This was a trip of a lifetime for Susan. Each day ended up evolving as the agenda was loose with only 3 major days with scheduled plans; Disneyland, Neverland and Shambala. It was all a first for Susan and although I had been to many of these spots before I was just as excited as she was and felt anxious to share them. We simply had no idea how much fun we would have sharing our common interest and endless stories and research about Michael.

Her English dialect was so fun to listen to and I learned many new English meanings in our journeys across the So. Cal. landscape as we endeavored to walk in Michael’s footsteps. Words such as: ‘motoring’ as we drove, ‘car park’ as we found ourselves lost in the Kodak Theater parking structure (is that possible? Apparently for me Yes!). We readily agreed on the name of the old restored surfer wagon, the ‘Woody’, we passed at least 5 times while I maneuvered in unending circles to find my way to the surface of earth again and up out of the parking structure or ‘car park’. I had no idea the Kodak went so deep into the earth, but there is a dead end & it holds a maintenance material area which is really not at all interesting... but still I managed to find it. The ‘que’ is the line we wait in whether by foot or car. The ‘sponge cakes’ are the pancakes she ate at IHop. The media is ‘blinkered’ in the UK and I have to agree in the US as well with all their fallacious lies about MJ. I have the biggest ‘dust bins’ or trash cans she has ever seen... super sized by UK standards. From the very first day she pitched in with chores like the dishes or bringing in the dust bins from the street and also the mail. We both had a good laugh at my neighbor's puzzled response and strange look when she asked how to open my ‘postal box.’ 

Most times getting lost can be very entertaining and adventurous and I always meet interesting people. I had pondered buying GPS for her visit and even priced them, as I knew I’d be driving quite a bit but decided against the extra expense and thought I’d just wing it as usual. Of course as a result I became lost innumerable times. It was fun and exciting sometime and bewildering and exhausting other times. There were a couple of nights past midnight when I just said “I’m too exhausted to keep looking. Let's just go somewhere else.” The trouble was I was so engrossed in thought and conversation so many times I would forget where I was and would get lost even while taking her to places I have been to many times. We laughed so hard when I was searching at one point for Michael’s tattoo salon, Anastasia’s, off Wilshire in Beverly Hills. When we finally found it I realized I had been there before as it was only doors away from Julien’s auction house. I circled the area searching for the salon and played good tour guide pointing out Julien’s where Michael’s clothes and the Thriller jacket were recently auctioned and kept pointing it out each time we passed missing Anastasia's completely each time announcing instead, “Well there’s Julien’s!” Susan laughed heartily as she said “I saw Julien’s so many times as we passed by that I thought there were several Julien’s.” Good thing she wasn't paying this tour guide. It was hilarious.

Then there was the time we searched all afternoon and into the evening for Ed Hardy only to learn after visiting three different Ed Hardy stores, and to make it more confusing two of them are on Melrose, the Ed Hardy store we actually had in mind, the one that Michael visited with Christian Audigier, is now the Ed Hardy Outlet. I didn’t realize so much Ed Hardy history existed until I talked to the many Ed Hardy sales people in each store as Susan shopped or we asked for directions to different stores. After searching for hours and shopping at each store we arrived at the outlet with only minutes to spare before closing but Susan immediately spotted the items she wanted to purchase and snagged her booty. As the store closed for the night I promised I’d bring her back... if I could ever find it again. Then as I was taking her to dinner days later in Santa Monica to a restaurant I have been to several times before I again found myself completely lost yet again. We traveled up and down a street, I now have forgotten the name of, that was in the middle of West Hollywood. Her comments while lost there that day consisted of, “OH MY! Betty! I just saw some naked men dancing on the table shaking their bits about!!!” I howled with laughter and informed her, “Oh! I forgot to tell you about that part of the tour!” U turns and I are a well adjusted duo. If all else fails make a u-turn and try again.... this way of traveling about L.A. of course enabled Susan to again view the ‘shakers of the bits’ a few more times. This time she hid her eyes. Let’s just say I have learned if my instincts say to go west I better turn east.

No this is not Alzheimers... I'm just 'Directionally Challenged' and I have surrendered to this sometime mind boggling and frustrating fact, embracing it as part of who I am. At least as an independent woman I can freely ask for directions and meet great people I would never have met otherwise. I have been known to call friends in Colorado while driving for directions to the Grove in Los Angeles. Thank God for cell phones and helpful, loving friends with a sense of humor. However, this time I called my son who is always accommodating no matter the time of day or night, asking for directions to the restaurant we were in search of and when he asked me where I was I looked up absolutely, utterly astounded to see right before me the Ed Hardy Outlet that I had searched for endlessly the previous day. There it was in all it’s glory! Susan and I broke into rolling gales of laughter as we both realized where we were. My son has long ago accepted the crazy part of his mother but he was not as amused as we were about discovering the Ed Hardy Outlet in our quest for dinner and supportively said, “Ok Mom. Uhhh Let’s just get you where you’re going.”

So the first day in Los Angeles I decided I better take Susan to Disneyland, the happiest place on earth, and one of Michael’s favorite places on earth. I thought it best we go while we were both fresh and had plenty of energy. Disneyland was amazing as always and everywhere we looked we were reminded of Michael, from the train station to Mickey Mouse. I snuck her in the back entrance to see Michael’s huge Capt. EO portrait and then of course went straight to the theater to see the Capt. himself on the big screen. The whole day was filled with Disney magic. I think we sat through Capt. EO 5 times ending the night front and center at the Castle to view the most amazing fireworks and then one last visit to say good bye to the Capt. Oh that gorgeous smile. Michael no don’t wave good bye... PLEASE come back don’t leave...

Finally we ended our Disney day with a visit to Michael’s rock in the moat at the castle and the rebel that I am had to stand where Michael stood. We took turns. Yes my bad.

The remainder of the agenda except for the Neverland and Shambala journeys was very loose and whatever we found and experienced just flowed. I took her to the MJ Hollywood Star where she met Jovan the impersonator from Haiti. It was good reconnecting with him and to see he is doing well and still very inspired by Michael Jackson. Very close to MJ's Hollywood Star we took a look at the Hard Rock Cafe Hollywood display where MJ’s fedora is behind glass with a sign stating that MJ traded his fedora for a box of McDonald’s Happy Meal Toys along with an MJ signed Dangerous album on display. It always makes me smile to think about Michael giving away his fedora for MickeyD toys.

At Gardner St. School she saw the wonderful results of the fans from all over the world speaking up for JUSTICE for Michael as his name gleamed bright on the Michael Jackson Auditorium. The principle of Gardner St. is a fan of Michael's and has instituted many art and music classes which honor Michael and teach the children about his genius and beauty.

We visited Michael twice at Holly Terrace, Forest Lawn and also the main mausoleum where the majestic white angel stands above the space where Elizabeth Taylor now rests and is not far from Michael. While there we also viewed the beautiful Michelangelo show room and Last Supper stained glass window display. The gorgeous water lilies I had been waiting to capture in photos were in full bloom and contented Wild Geese were gathered at the front gate fountain. We visited the Forest Lawn Florist and Susan chose special flowers for Michael which included a sunflower and butterflies and decided to have them delivered inside to Michael. We went up to the Holly Terrace patio so we could personally watch them go inside. The second visit I brought Michael a Charlie Brown sunflower from my garden, one of the last of about 30 that bloomed throughout the summer, and left it outside with many other beautiful flowers the fans have brought or had delivered from other florists shops. There are always flowers inside and outside on the patio for Michael. 

 She was happy to see the Thriller House in person where Michael filmed his most famous short film of all time. This old house has been restored leaving portions just as they were for the filming of Thriller. It sits in the most amazingly beautiful, refurbished neighborhood of Victorian homes in Los Angeles and not coincidentally on Carroll St. That eery coincidence is never lost on me. 

The Palace Theater where Thriller was also filmed isn't what it used to be but we made sure to stop momentarily to see it. One day I hope to go inside. The same ticket booth that was used in the scene of Michael and Ola Ray while filming Thriller still sits inside behind closed gates. The lights still look the same. It would be so wonderful to see this great theater restored to it's former glory one day.

We made sure to stop by the court house where we had made arrangements to meet Larry Nimmer on the first day of jury selection. It was awesome to be able to take her to the court house to speak her feelings for JUSTICE for Michael Jackson. She displayed her shirt which clearly displayed Conrad Murray as Dr. Death. I carried the same t-shirt to the court house for her throughout the trial. 

Off The Wall antique store in Hollywood on Melrose is always fun to visit. I was not surprised to learn from the owner that one of the pieces from the 1900's medical school set that Michael had purchased but never took delivery on before he passed away was now gone. I was happy to hear that the leg in the set was sold to an MJ fan. The two heads still remain and are as intriguing as ever.  The antique Disney figurines that Michael loved so much are still in the corner display and on the day we visited there were also wonderful antique toys in the front window which so reminded me of Neverland. Seemed everywhere we looked there were Michael reminders.

The Autry Museum was also fun to see and we learned this exhibit of Michael’s clothes will not be open much longer. We also were shown a very cool tribute, guitar belt buckle which is a replica of the one which Michael wore is for sale. The original that Michael wore is on display there in the exhibit that Michael Bush and Dennis Tompkins designed.

 The Grammy Museum now has a new permanent Michael Jackson display which is not to distant from the Graff Lab Mural so we made sure to swing by the Graff Lab after visiting the Grammy so Susan could see that incredible TII Michael mural.

  The Super Bowl MJ Mural off Hollywood Blvd is always so much fun to share with fans. I just love that mural and it always brings a smile to their faces along with many ooohs and ahhhs from those I take to view it. Susan loved this mural as well.

Once we finally found them the Ed Hardy and Moist stores were interesting, as well as Anastasian’s and Julien’s. The woman who waited on Michael at Moist was there and we were told that a video plays on occasion of Michael's visit to Moist. Michael liked to shop in both Moist for Men and Moist for Woman, gender never had boundaries to his fashion taste. The day we visited the video of Michael was not playing; however across the street was definitely a reminder of Michael. A full size Peter Pan statue (albiet the face looked a bit evil to me LOL).

Carolwood was last on the list but we ended up seeing it the day we were searching for Ed Hardy. This place is always difficult to visit. To me it will always be a crime scene... then maybe not just for me because not long after Michael’s death it was included on the Hollywood Star Tours Crime Scene Map. Long before Conrad Murray was found guilty. Every time I visit this place the incredible, unnecessary loss of Michael Jackson is felt. This day the tour buses were coming by on a regular basis, as usual, much to the chagrin of the home owners who happen to be Christian Audigier and his wife, who at times post guards to keep tourists away. This day it was guard free but we kept our distance to respect their property.

In my search of Engine House 71 which I know is just around the corner from Carolwood, not that I like to go there but in an attempt to be a good tour guide I thought I’d point it out to Susan. Following my inner directional instincts we ended up going the wrong way. It was only a short distance and I realized with no surprise we were headed instead for San Fernando Valley where Michael lived at Hayvenhurst so instead of a U turn we rolled on up and over the hill into the San Fernando Valley and ultimately were dumped out on to Ventura Blvd. Thus we decided to go to Hayvenhurst for a visit instead. We stopped to buy a lovely orchid for Mrs. Jackson although she and the children are not living at Hayvenhurst, it was the gesture of love that mattered. We walked down to the compound rang the bell and the guard kindly thanked us for the gift through the intercom and assured us he would come out to retrieve it. We left the orchid on the brick planter and stepped across the street to wait, he came out shortly and we started a conversation with him. He was so polite and friendly and as we talked we looked down the drive way and there was Kenya! Beautiful Kenya... Michael’s family dog, a beautiful chocolate brown retriever, the children’s dog. She was wagging her tail and so happy and content, very well behaved. We talked for sometime to the kind gentleman and again as always with every time I have ever visited Hayvenhurst and spoken to the guards I was once again assured simply by this man’s gentle, kind spirit that MJ3 and now also Kenya are being very well cared for.

On another day when I was showing a friend, Sara, from Colorado around L.A and we were in search yet again for the Ed Hardy Outlet I instead did in fact find Engine House 71. I dunno... it makes no sense.... but there on the right was Engine House 71. Baffling. Seems sometimes Michael leads me where he wants me to go.

This next part of our Michaeling adventure was not the best time; however with all things the Lord can turn the seemingly bad completely around. One of the highlights of the week was our trip to Neverland. I was very excited for Susan as this would be her first ever trip to the gates of Michael’s Neverland. I have learned to just take life as it comes most days... most especially when on vacation and Michaeling. We first had so much fun spending some time in my MJ guest room where Susan was staying going through many of the MJ items I have collected before leaving on the journey. A day which started with so much joy quickly changed as we traveled slowly toward our destination. Our journey to Neverland this day was not my typical joyful adventure. Fear can squelch freedom of expression and inhibits fluidity. God tells us to be free of fear. I have worked very hard for many, many years to turn my fear into faith. Today I wander freely through life working hard to avoid the pitfalls of fear. It's still not an easy thing to do. On this journey to Neverland I found myself and Susan unwittingly at the mercy of someone else’s fears as another insisted on driving. Preferably I'd have rather been lost anytime than ever endure this experience again. Never have I visited the gates of Neverland, Los Olivos and Solvang and not felt exhilaration, peace and joy except for this day. Let me just say this for the person out there who has never been to Neverland... who knows nothing about the lay of the land around Neverland; there are indeed back country roads and if you don’t know how to drive a country road I would suggest a bus, taxi or just let someone else drive. Yes Neverland is in the country far away from everything. That is why Michael loved it. There are far reaching rolling hills with animals and wild life, ranches with cows and horses and if you are afraid of such things this may not be the place for you. For me a trip to Neverland is also a time to stay late and take in Michael’s moon and millions of twinkling stars that Michael gazed and wished upon when he lived at Neverland. Why else go? Bring a jacket if you don’t want to be chilly in the summer night. Yes it is dark for the only lights are the lamps at the drive way and the stars and the moon above. The crickets chirp, the bull frogs ribbet and if a coyote’s howl frightens you to death, again this may not be the place for you. For me I LOVE it. I am comforted by the distant coyote’s howl, it energizes me. For me a walk in the dark on Mnt. Figureroa Rd. while looking up at the stars and moon is like a spiritual journey. Also I must share with you if you are afraid of dirt and don’t like plants then Woeste nursery in Los Olivos down the road from Neverland is also not the place for you because after all it is a nursery, a plant nursery and there WILL be plants and dirt there, everywhere. For me it is like a fantasy wonderland.

Now after a long day, it was turning dark and we were very SLOWLY heading back from Solvang to the gates of Neverland before the next leg of our journey into Santa Barbara. I was pondering the absurdity of the day, and how it had been a very long time since I had felt hostage to fear, as we were driving back on Mnt. Figueroa Rd. when suddenly there was a baby calf in the road. We swerved almost hitting it then just kept going. I was shocked and sat up in my seat turning to look back, openly asking “How do you think it got loose? Maybe we need to go back.” My question was stonewalled with absolute refusal to stop the car in the dark on a country road. The driver not giving a hoot about the calf or the fact that any other cars might possibly hit it, or that someone could be hurt. Susan was beside herself with concern about the little calf. It looked so frightened. We pleaded to turn around to help the calf but there was no reasoning with her. We went on to the gates of Neverland but all joy was gone, only disappointment and shock in it’s place. Only Susan and myself emerged from the car for any length of time to take in the gates and the night sky. It was barely dark and the stars were not fully visible but soon I was the only one taking in the view. She wanted to leave for the night. I sat on the stone wall at the gates and looked up at the stars wondering what parallel universe I had stepped into this day. Susan who is a huge animal lover could not get the worry over the baby calf out of her mind. We were all so miserable at this point that we loaded into the car to drive on down to Santa Barbara. On the way again we saw the baby calf... or as our fearful driver put it “It’s just a cow. It’s fine.” All I could see was a dead cow, or dead calf, if someone didn’t intervene in some way so we again begged for her to stop. Finally she begrudgingly stopped and Susan and myself piled out of the car. I immediately found a phone number on a near by fence and began calling the number hoping to arouse someone to gather up their livestock. Susan on the other hand went directly to the baby calf and began shusshing it gently along the road disappearing into the dark up over the bend. The driver of our car began to scream out the door “Get In the car!!! NOW!!” while gunning the engine and pretending to leave. I was shocked to say the least and by that time was also on the phone with another friend we were planning on meeting up with. Our plan had been to meet around midnight. Those plans now scratched as well. Something else to remember when Michaeling is that very few nights end early as there is no time in Michael land. In any event by this time all I could say to my friend on the phone was “Oh the joys of MJ fan drama. I have Susan saving a cow and another screaming at the top of her lungs demanding we get in the car.” I wondered for the life of me why she ever wanted to join in our adventure, was it just to play the part of the squasher of dreams? So with the screamer in the car vocalizing her total disregard for the calf and her passengers and the local phone call made to the neighbors I walked up the road to collect Susan and tell her we needed to get in the car or be left behind as our driver gunned her engine and threatened to leave us there on the road in the dark. She reluctantly acquiesced as her mission was incomplete. It was a VERY long, SLOW, uncomfortable ride home. I was enormously relieved to finally see my house, walk through the door and close it behind me on this day. One more time realizing you never really know someone until jealousy and fear looms it’s ugly head in your life. Thank God for positive choices in life and the freedom to close doors.

So very happy to be home, I literally closed the door behind me, turned looked at Susan and in one accord we simultaneously gasped, “OH MY GOD!” Then the relaxed laughter and easy flow immediately returned. It was like night and day. We stayed up that night unable to sleep watching MJ videos and talking about the day and Michael; however neither of us could shake the memory of that poor frightened little calf. The last we knew the calf had run along the road and the last sound Susan heard in the murky blackness of the night was the clinking of chicken wire and much skidding and scuffling. We had no way of knowing if the calf was ok or if it was entangled in a ditch snagged in chicken wire. I looked at her and said... “SO why not go back in the morning? Let’s go back to NEVERLAND! There is no way you are going back to the UK with just ‘that’ Neverland experience under you belt!”

So we drove back to Neverland the next morning. This trip was the opposite of the previous day. The sky was blue and bright, the drive moved along at a quick clip, MJ serenaded us the whole way and soon we arrived at Mnt. Figueroa Rd. to check on the wayward calf. It seemed to be a week full of animals of all sort. As we traversed the road in search of the calf we saw Muscles in the road and swerved to miss him. In this case we were not about to save the snake as he was on his way to where ever he needed to be with his belly full of what looked to be a small mouse or some other meal. Then happily we spotted the calf. He was back behind the chicken wire fence where Susan had shooed him and now standing under a tree with his mum and dad and also two friendly donkeys. Clearly we could see where he had gotten out. We attempted to cinch up the chicken wire to no avail so decided to seek out the owners of the ranch. Susan being from England approaches easily and bound out of the car to knock on doors. I on the other hand being from L.A was a bit apprehensive and in the end regretted letting her go door knocking alone while I sat as the get away driver. We were directed to a ranch who as it turned out was Michael’s immediate neighbor and the very home of the Milk Money Cows Michael leased his land to for grazing money. Susan climbed the porch stairs and knocked, sitting just inside beyond the screen door at a desk a gruff voice responded “Yes. What can I do for you?” Susan looked into a face of a David Nordahl looking mountain man with a scruffy long beard and wild lumber jack way about him and explained about the calf escaping the night before and he said he would send someone down to mend the fence. Our job done on behalf of the calf we felt relieved the little guy would now be safe and moved on not much farther up the road to the gates of Neverland. We parked under the giant old oak that stands sentry at the gates, it’s bark riddled with wood pecker holes. A blue jay perched up in the branches of the old Oak lit down to the split rail fence to say hello. A lizard skittered out and posed for a picture. We seemed to draw animals at every turn this trip. It may have been Susan’s Dr. Doo Little personality. My cats simply loved her as well.

 This return trip to Neverland Valley as it turned out was a perfect blessing because Young’s Art Gallery was open this day and we were able to spend time visiting with Ralph. It was fun to watch and listen as he entertained Susan with stories about Michael’s love of art and his visits to the shop. Then we moved on to Woeste nursery once again and spotted some wonderful new items on display that had just been delivered that morning. It was an amazing ‘Do Over’ at every turn. Moving on into Solvang we ran into a wonderful lady who knew Michael and whose children had been to Neverland many times. She shared heartwarming stories about Michael’s visits to Solvang stores and other local areas. The love in her heart and deep admiration of Michael was so evident. We clearly connected and again it was so comforting to know Michael was loved and appreciated by his neighbors. Along this part of the journey in Solvang we also saw a beautiful momma deer and her twin fawns. They were swift but I managed to capture one in a picture.

After feeling fully saturated with all things Michael in Solvang and with it now truly dark enough out to see the stars crystal clear we returned to the gates of Neverland for a real visit where we listened to the same night sounds that Michael listened to and looked up into the night sky at the same stars and moon Michael gazed at. We were taking our time at the gates when suddenly there was much activity inside the gates, security walkie talkies were buzzing. Perimeter and building checks were being done. Security was on high alert this night. We stayed for a while at the gate and under the Oak and then returned to our car where we sat facing the property wondering what was going on. Then we noticed a long line of headlights. A long caravan of cars lined up with their head lights beaming out toward the gates seemingly waiting to leave Neverland. Still curious we got out of the car and approached the gates as all the cars began to leave. In the second car was Tom Barrack. He was very friendly, smiling and waving hello to us as he slowly drove by. After the excitement died down and all cars drove away, we stayed for a while longer, listening to the Neverland night sounds then made our way back home. The drive home that night was filled with Michael’s music and lots of free flowing conversation. Much to think about with the goings on at Neverland this night.

For the last day of Susan’s visit we had made reservations months in advance to visit Shambala where Michael’s big cats Thriller and Sabu now reside. They will have a home here for the rest of their lives. I had met spunky Tippi Hedren at Julien’s when the Thriller jacket was up for auction and had been really looking forward to this visit. There were many people visiting Shambala this day. There were three groups each assigned a tour guide with a megaphone. It’s a long day visit and you are invited to bring a picnic lunch to eat at tables set up by the man-made lake at the end of the tour. All food is gathered and kept back at the picnic ground before embarking on the tour through the facility. Each group has a tour guide, two to three docents and another staff member following along to keep visitors safe and to make sure they don’t wander away from main trail or reach over near cages which is totally understandable. These are wild animals not trained house pets. They can be very dangerous and I suppose sometime the humans do stupid things as well like trying to feed or pet them.

Thriller and Sabu are in a cage at the edge of the compound up against a hill, we were pleased to learn were also at the beginning of our particular part of the walking tour. Sadly our tour guide knew nothing about Thriller and Sabu and seemed to believe the hype of the media about Michael. He clearly didn't want to talk about or answer questions about Michael's big cats. He completely skipped over MJ’s cats and moved on to the other part of the tour. I controlled myself to a degree but finally had to speak out about how disappointing our tour was since we paid the $50 a person to see and learn about Michael Jackson’s cats. I had made it clear we were MJ fans coming to Shambala specifically to see Thriller and Sabu. It was confusing to me especially since Shambala’s promotional campaign for 2011 was using Michael Jackson’s cats to promote and bring in donations, yet our particular guide knew 'nothing' about these beautiful animals, seemed to not want to talk about the cats and quickly moved on to other cats where he then spent long amounts of time talking about each animal. Anyone who knows me knows this just wasn’t going to fly with me. Not to detract or negate from how beautiful the other cats are it seemed extremely insensitive, ignorant and prejudicial toward MJ to me. As the tour moved on away from MJ’s cats I became more and more frustrated and disappointed, moving toward the back of the group I quietly voiced my complaints to the docents to no avail. My words however did not completely fall on all deaf ears, they were heard by a facility staff member standing at the back of our group. This man was so kind, as I stood next to him he quietly offered information about Michael’s big cats and confided to me that he fed Thriller and Sabu every morning and threw the ball for them to play.

Finally someone who knew about MJ’s cats! He shared that Thriller was very aggressive with the food and was the ruler of the roost so to speak. Sabu the male cat was more laid back and would allow Thriller, the female cat, to eat the food first every time, then he would eat his food when she was done. I smiled and couldn't help but think, “What a gentleman” but I am sure it is more about being territorial. He pointed out that they had a portion of the lake in their cage and would play and lay in the water. There was also a giant ball and other toys for them to play with. Sabu was laying on top of what looked like a giant dog house type shed which had a hard plastic green awning type roof over it. Thriller was laying inside the shed. He said those were their normal places they lay at rest. That Thriller was always inside the little shed and Sabu on top, they had claimed their own spots and they most always laid in the same place. I asked about water for them to drink and he pointed out the large water bin that looked like a metal trash can hanging on the fence and said it is filled often. He explained that they were nocturnal and slept most of the day and became much more active at night and feeding time.

There is a replica of an African Safari tent with a wooden floor which is set up and furnished for over night stays for guests. It sits just adjacent to Thriller and Sabu’s cage and those who stay over night are entertained by their growls and the sounds of their night time antics as they prowl in their cage as well as all the other cats in the compound. Night time becomes very active at Shambala. I was surprised when after going through the rest of the tour we arrived at the gift store and were then taken back by our tour guide to Thriller and Sabu’s cage. It was then that he began to show just how unknowledgeable he was about Michael Jackson and his animals, much of what he began to tell us was media lies. Such as Michael abandoned all of his animals and fled the country. Susan and I quickly put him right about that and ended up sharing the truth with him about Michael on many things. In response he said he had no idea. I was shocked that he was allowed to share such things on this tour. They are all volunteers but to allow someone to talk in a negative way about Michael especially when they were using Thriller and Sabu as their promotional income for the year of 2011 was just terrible to me. After eating our lunch I approached other staff members and met a wonderful, kind lady who also takes care of Michael’s cats regularly. She was adamant that Michael NEVER abandoned his cats or any of his animals. There was a veterinarian in charge at Neverland and it was the same vet who brought Michael's cats to Shambala. She also shared how the video of Thriller doing the moon walk happened accidentally one morning while she was present as none of the cats are trained or perform in any way. She just happened to have a camera in her pocket that day and captured Thriller moving backward as if Moonwalking. At Shambala these big cats are allowed to live out their lives with no human pressure to be anything other than the natural wild cats that they are. Sadly these magnificent animals should be free in the wild but for these animals who were originally pets or zoo animals, such as Michael’s cats, this is a wonderful place for them to live comfortable safe lives. After lunch Tippi Hedren also gave a speech and signed books and met with visitors.



For Susan’s last night in Los Angeles we watched more MJ videos and shared until late. We continued easily talking the next morning on the way to the airport. I have driven to LAX more times than I can count but of course on this day I was talking and of course found myself completely lost. What better way to end this 10 day Michaeling tour? We laughed as I pulled into a strip mall, got out of the car and asked for directions. It wasn’t long before we found our destination, Virgin Airlines at LAX. It was sad saying good bye to Susan our hearts and lives now bonded. A lovely lady who will always be welcome in my home, in my MJ room.

She called me from the UK today to wish me a happy Christmas as I prepared to write this story and I was so pleased to tell her that among other wonderful amazing MJ presents that I received was GPS from my son and his girlfriend!!! Apparently the time I called my son at 5 a.m. on the morning of the first day of the Conrat Murderer trial convinced him I needed GPS. That morning I was once again in the dark of night, alone and lost in downtown Los Angeles. After dialing him I didn’t realize I had forgotten to hang up before he answered as I had come upon some bus drivers on the way to work who amiably gave me directions. He over heard my asking for directions and back and forth conversation with these friendly people as they directed me to Temple St. After I realized my phone was still on I just hung it up. I laughed when he called me back very curious and amused with the question, “Mom, For the Love of God where are you now and why?” Funny how roles change with our children. Somehow he wasn’t surprised my answer had to do with JUSTICE for Michael. I had a mission that morning to receive the sunflowers to hand out for the Call For Love Face Book group. My family has come to know and accept my Michaelness and the directionally challenged part of me as well.

So now to all my MJ friends who have been nagging at me about getting GPS, and my response has always been “maybe someday"... someday is here... now to learn how to use it.
 
A late Merry Christmas and very Happy New Year to everyone...
and of course Shamone! Happy Michaeling!