"We need peace, we need giving, we need love, we need unity." ~ Michael Jackson ~
~ Lori Berenson ~
Something has been weighing heavy on my mind and heart, haunting me, this last month since the two year anniversary of Michael’s death. During the week of the anniversary of Michael’s death there were so many activities and events, so many wonderful MJ fans, who are now friends to me, who came to Los Angeles strangers one day and friends the next. Our hearts bonded in LOVE and grief over this amazing human being, Michael Jackson, who was torn from this world, Gone Too Soon. There were several moments in June where I felt God’s hand on my life and knew beyond a shadow of a doubt I was where I was supposed to be just at the moment God chose me to be there, my divine appointments. Each time it was clear to me why, except for one. There was one moment when I wondered out loud, “Why? Why Lord? Why did you put me here? For what purpose?”
At first I decided I wouldn’t, just couldn't share that moment on a public blog and then it seemed I needed too. Suddenly it became important to share it. So much so that it began to weigh on me, I couldn't get it out of my mind. I kept pushing it away but it kept coming back, haunting me. The first thing I saw and thought about in the morning was that day, it has replayed in my mind over and over. Finally I reached out to the only person who I knew felt exactly what I felt that day, the only person I knew I could discuss the day with, who understood because she walked hand in hand with me as it unfolded, my wonderful friend Robyn. She agreed that I needed to share as I felt directed. We hadn't really talked at depth about that day or those moments, since it happened until now. As we discussed the particulars of our shared moment in time I felt a stirring in my soul as God began to show me why. I may never fully understand with my finite mind all of it but at least I have a glimmer of WHY.
As we talked the Lord brought to my mind a picture of the billions of people who populate this earth... seemingly endless billions. What am I in those billions? Just one little human being, minuscule, like grains of sand on the beach... billions of grains of sand, just one grain of sand among the others. What are the chances in time and space for that person out of billions... really those two people out of billions, myself and Robyn, to end up together where we ended up that particular night?
Only God can create that connection, that divine appointment. WHY?
We were happy to be spending time together. We met and joined forces on our Michaeling adventure. We were on our way to not just any Michael Jackson event but the preview of “Michael's Thriller Jacket” which was up for sale at Juliene’s. This sale broke our hearts but it was also our one and only chance to ever see Michael’s Thriller Jacket in person, as well as many other Michael items, like his glittery Billie Jean shirt from Motown 25, worn the night Michael birthed his stratospheric stardom, and the pointy black shirt from Michael and Janet's Scream video... all up for auction. Soon they would be sold, gone forever. It was very sad... more and more of Michael's belongings dispersed to unknown places around the globe. No longer his, no longer the children's. Yet with all Michael Jackson events since his death there was also joy in the air that over shadows the sadness. For you just simply can’t think of Michael and not feel the joy and beauty he brought to this world, brought to those billions of people in this world. Michael was so very special, so gifted, chosen by God to be the modern day musical messenger of LOVE to those billions of people. Michael was no grain of sand. He was chosen before birth to be special, anointed with a talent and tender heart of LOVE not given to others ever. NO ONE, simply no one else has ever accomplished all that Michael accomplished in his life. Not even the masters he studied for they did not live at the time when jets flew to all corners of the earth and literally hundreds of thousands would fill stadiums night after night to see the master at work. They did not live in the technological age Michael lived. God chose him for this space in time to fulfill a purpose and Michael Jackson did not fail, but greatly succeeded beyond anything ever seen on this earth before, nor will ever be seen again. For me there is no wonder at all about the small minded men of little or no vision who could not and still do not understand Michael Jackson. He was created from the beginning of time for a greatness that they could not and do not still comprehend.
So there we were, Robyn driving and myself shotgun, all dressed up for a cocktail party preview at Juliene’s in Beverly Hills. We were excited and our emotions were wavering between sadness, anticipation and joy as Michael’s voice filled the car and carried us effortlessly onward. It was L.A rush hour and wanting to avoid the freeways to ensure we would arrive on time, Robyn decided to take the side streets. I only had a general idea of where Wilshire lay over the hill and was no help, since I am directionally challenged. I always find where I am going; however it's usually by way of the less scenic route, so I was utterly no help at all as a guide. She however had a general idea of where to go until she found her self at a quandary unsure which way to turn at the light we were sitting at. As the light changed she decided to quickly pull into a fire station on a corner to verify we were headed in the right direction toward Wilshire Blvd. I have had to stop many times in my Michaeling adventures to ask directions and love to meet new people in the process but this was one time that looked to be particularly entertaining as there were several good looking fire men standing outside the fire house, so I certainly wasn’t objecting to her decision. Hee hee! I very willingly pushed the button and lowered my window as one of the firemen came over to the car, with a friendly banter he relayed the needed directions as he stretched out his arm, pointing the way down the road telling us we were on the right path, along with an encouraging, "You can't miss it!"
Robyn was smiling, thanking him when suddenly this stricken look came across her face as she pointed in the opposite direction toward the Fire House exclaiming, “BETTY! Look at the number on the fire house! It’s Engine House 71!” I looked and in disbelief said “What!? OMG! No Way!” The fireman looked at us with a puzzled look at first then in almost a whisper I said “Are you the fire house who picked up Michael?” Realizing we were MJ fans he said, “Yes, we are Engine House 71.” I felt my heart suddenly become so heavy in my chest. I was also so completely shocked to be sitting there in ‘that’ driveway... that particular driveway. All our joy came crashing down. We both sat there in the car, cross wise in the Fire Department driveway with our mouths hanging open, unable to speak, unable to move. For me there were pictures I had worked so hard to get out of mind that were now glaring before my minds eye. Then shockingly as the fireman pointed in toward the end of driveway he said, “Pull your car up right here. I will show you the paramedic truck he was in.” Then pointing further inside the fire house said, “It’s parked right there you can take a look.” I looked where he pointed and there was the truck 71 with the doors wide open. We both looked at one another in shock as I barely breathed, “Should we? Should we?” Some how it didn’t seem right... could God want this to happen? A disbelief that this was happening hit me immediately as I thought what are the chances? I felt I was right where God wanted me. I believe there are no coincidences. We most certainly didn’t plan this, or seek out this moment in time. It had never in my wildest imaginations ever entered my mind at any time to visit the fire house that picked up Michael from 100 N. Carolwood Drive... most especially so close to the anniversary... only two days shy of two years ago. Was this God’s timing? I conceded to my heavy heart it must be.
Robyn pulled the car up where the fireman directed her to park. As she pulled on the emergency brake setting it firmly into place it felt as if she didn’t lock it just right we’d be beamed to some other world... we both looked at the emergency brake and then each other and said, “Ok I guess we're supposed to do this." Then I prayed a silent prayer, "God help us.” My feet were heavy as we climbed out of the car. Then as if in an out of body experience we were given a tour of the Engine House 71 Paramedic bus that rushed to Carolwood on that fateful day. We had no breath, we kept gasping, we moved slowly, taking in everything. Michael's words from ‘Keep Your Head Up’ tell it all... “Suckin up the air in the earth from under me.”
Why? kept running through my mind. All this equipment, all these highly trained professionals and they could do nothing? I needed to know, I asked him, “Was Michael already dead when you arrived?” Shaking his head he said, “Yes for sometime.” I continued, “Was there anything you could do?” He answered, “We tried everything we could and then the Dr. wanted him transported. The paparazzi took the last picture of Michael right through this window.” He proceeded to show us the exact location of the lens on the window and the angle of the shot. It all lined up with the haunting picture I had seen of both Michael and the call monitor screen inside the truck. “Then he said you can get in. Take your time. I’ll be right over here.” Again we looked at each other and whispered, “Should we?” Then like in a time warp we climbed in. As I looked down on the gurney as he was walking away I asked him, “Is this the gurney that Michael was on?” He said “Yes the very same one.” Then went off to leave us alone. I looked at Robyn and she was sitting in the chair closest to the cab, holding her hands to her face unable to speak, tears brimming in her eyes. It was only later I realized she was sitting in the chair of the Paramedic who was working the air bag for Michael on the way to the hospital. I wanted to cry, to sob, to cry out, “NOOOO This needs to change!!! This can't be real!! We need to turn back time!!” Then as I looked back down to that gurney I realized this... this very spot was the exact place... the last time the world saw Michael... right here. I gulped hard, swallowed the lump in my throat, my aching heart and my tears and before I knew what I had done I reached down and laid my hand where his head had lain that day almost two years earlier... trying... trying hard to feel him... to feel his presence. Wishing with all that was in me I could will him back to life. Wishing I could have been there that night to protect Michael from the evil surrounding him. I could not move, frozen in that spot, that place in time for several minutes my hand stayed riveted there where his head had lain. We looked at the monitor which had read those dreadful words, “100 N Carolwood Drive, 50 year old male not breathing at all.” It was surreal to say the very least. Then after what seemed an eternity we climbed out. I wondered again “Why? Why did we end up here? This place, this moment in time?” We thanked him for being so cordial and kind, for allowing us to take our time inside. Then continued on our way. We were different now and different ever since. The joy was gone that night and we just went through the motions. The reality of 'Why' we were going to the preview was heavy on our hearts. When I looked at the Thriller Jacket it of course was amazing but I could not shake the real reason it was up for sale, could not get it out of my mind that night or ever since.
We were happy to be spending time together. We met and joined forces on our Michaeling adventure. We were on our way to not just any Michael Jackson event but the preview of “Michael's Thriller Jacket” which was up for sale at Juliene’s. This sale broke our hearts but it was also our one and only chance to ever see Michael’s Thriller Jacket in person, as well as many other Michael items, like his glittery Billie Jean shirt from Motown 25, worn the night Michael birthed his stratospheric stardom, and the pointy black shirt from Michael and Janet's Scream video... all up for auction. Soon they would be sold, gone forever. It was very sad... more and more of Michael's belongings dispersed to unknown places around the globe. No longer his, no longer the children's. Yet with all Michael Jackson events since his death there was also joy in the air that over shadows the sadness. For you just simply can’t think of Michael and not feel the joy and beauty he brought to this world, brought to those billions of people in this world. Michael was so very special, so gifted, chosen by God to be the modern day musical messenger of LOVE to those billions of people. Michael was no grain of sand. He was chosen before birth to be special, anointed with a talent and tender heart of LOVE not given to others ever. NO ONE, simply no one else has ever accomplished all that Michael accomplished in his life. Not even the masters he studied for they did not live at the time when jets flew to all corners of the earth and literally hundreds of thousands would fill stadiums night after night to see the master at work. They did not live in the technological age Michael lived. God chose him for this space in time to fulfill a purpose and Michael Jackson did not fail, but greatly succeeded beyond anything ever seen on this earth before, nor will ever be seen again. For me there is no wonder at all about the small minded men of little or no vision who could not and still do not understand Michael Jackson. He was created from the beginning of time for a greatness that they could not and do not still comprehend.
So there we were, Robyn driving and myself shotgun, all dressed up for a cocktail party preview at Juliene’s in Beverly Hills. We were excited and our emotions were wavering between sadness, anticipation and joy as Michael’s voice filled the car and carried us effortlessly onward. It was L.A rush hour and wanting to avoid the freeways to ensure we would arrive on time, Robyn decided to take the side streets. I only had a general idea of where Wilshire lay over the hill and was no help, since I am directionally challenged. I always find where I am going; however it's usually by way of the less scenic route, so I was utterly no help at all as a guide. She however had a general idea of where to go until she found her self at a quandary unsure which way to turn at the light we were sitting at. As the light changed she decided to quickly pull into a fire station on a corner to verify we were headed in the right direction toward Wilshire Blvd. I have had to stop many times in my Michaeling adventures to ask directions and love to meet new people in the process but this was one time that looked to be particularly entertaining as there were several good looking fire men standing outside the fire house, so I certainly wasn’t objecting to her decision. Hee hee! I very willingly pushed the button and lowered my window as one of the firemen came over to the car, with a friendly banter he relayed the needed directions as he stretched out his arm, pointing the way down the road telling us we were on the right path, along with an encouraging, "You can't miss it!"
Robyn was smiling, thanking him when suddenly this stricken look came across her face as she pointed in the opposite direction toward the Fire House exclaiming, “BETTY! Look at the number on the fire house! It’s Engine House 71!” I looked and in disbelief said “What!? OMG! No Way!” The fireman looked at us with a puzzled look at first then in almost a whisper I said “Are you the fire house who picked up Michael?” Realizing we were MJ fans he said, “Yes, we are Engine House 71.” I felt my heart suddenly become so heavy in my chest. I was also so completely shocked to be sitting there in ‘that’ driveway... that particular driveway. All our joy came crashing down. We both sat there in the car, cross wise in the Fire Department driveway with our mouths hanging open, unable to speak, unable to move. For me there were pictures I had worked so hard to get out of mind that were now glaring before my minds eye. Then shockingly as the fireman pointed in toward the end of driveway he said, “Pull your car up right here. I will show you the paramedic truck he was in.” Then pointing further inside the fire house said, “It’s parked right there you can take a look.” I looked where he pointed and there was the truck 71 with the doors wide open. We both looked at one another in shock as I barely breathed, “Should we? Should we?” Some how it didn’t seem right... could God want this to happen? A disbelief that this was happening hit me immediately as I thought what are the chances? I felt I was right where God wanted me. I believe there are no coincidences. We most certainly didn’t plan this, or seek out this moment in time. It had never in my wildest imaginations ever entered my mind at any time to visit the fire house that picked up Michael from 100 N. Carolwood Drive... most especially so close to the anniversary... only two days shy of two years ago. Was this God’s timing? I conceded to my heavy heart it must be.
Robyn pulled the car up where the fireman directed her to park. As she pulled on the emergency brake setting it firmly into place it felt as if she didn’t lock it just right we’d be beamed to some other world... we both looked at the emergency brake and then each other and said, “Ok I guess we're supposed to do this." Then I prayed a silent prayer, "God help us.” My feet were heavy as we climbed out of the car. Then as if in an out of body experience we were given a tour of the Engine House 71 Paramedic bus that rushed to Carolwood on that fateful day. We had no breath, we kept gasping, we moved slowly, taking in everything. Michael's words from ‘Keep Your Head Up’ tell it all... “Suckin up the air in the earth from under me.”
Why? kept running through my mind. All this equipment, all these highly trained professionals and they could do nothing? I needed to know, I asked him, “Was Michael already dead when you arrived?” Shaking his head he said, “Yes for sometime.” I continued, “Was there anything you could do?” He answered, “We tried everything we could and then the Dr. wanted him transported. The paparazzi took the last picture of Michael right through this window.” He proceeded to show us the exact location of the lens on the window and the angle of the shot. It all lined up with the haunting picture I had seen of both Michael and the call monitor screen inside the truck. “Then he said you can get in. Take your time. I’ll be right over here.” Again we looked at each other and whispered, “Should we?” Then like in a time warp we climbed in. As I looked down on the gurney as he was walking away I asked him, “Is this the gurney that Michael was on?” He said “Yes the very same one.” Then went off to leave us alone. I looked at Robyn and she was sitting in the chair closest to the cab, holding her hands to her face unable to speak, tears brimming in her eyes. It was only later I realized she was sitting in the chair of the Paramedic who was working the air bag for Michael on the way to the hospital. I wanted to cry, to sob, to cry out, “NOOOO This needs to change!!! This can't be real!! We need to turn back time!!” Then as I looked back down to that gurney I realized this... this very spot was the exact place... the last time the world saw Michael... right here. I gulped hard, swallowed the lump in my throat, my aching heart and my tears and before I knew what I had done I reached down and laid my hand where his head had lain that day almost two years earlier... trying... trying hard to feel him... to feel his presence. Wishing with all that was in me I could will him back to life. Wishing I could have been there that night to protect Michael from the evil surrounding him. I could not move, frozen in that spot, that place in time for several minutes my hand stayed riveted there where his head had lain. We looked at the monitor which had read those dreadful words, “100 N Carolwood Drive, 50 year old male not breathing at all.” It was surreal to say the very least. Then after what seemed an eternity we climbed out. I wondered again “Why? Why did we end up here? This place, this moment in time?” We thanked him for being so cordial and kind, for allowing us to take our time inside. Then continued on our way. We were different now and different ever since. The joy was gone that night and we just went through the motions. The reality of 'Why' we were going to the preview was heavy on our hearts. When I looked at the Thriller Jacket it of course was amazing but I could not shake the real reason it was up for sale, could not get it out of my mind that night or ever since.
I have to say I placed this experience on a shelf somewhere in my mind, refused to feel anything about it. Only shared it with a chosen handful and went on to enjoy a week full of the most amazingly wonderful and blessed moments, filled with so much LOVE. Finally after a full weeks worth of events in Michael’s honor, utterly exhausted I slowed down the pace and returned back to the daily catching up with friends on the internet and Face Book. It was then I have to say I felt a bit like Moses when he came down from the mountain top, glowing from the beauty he had just beheld to find tawdry ugliness. I flipped on my computer and opened up Face Book to find the most vile and horrid comments being made about Michael’s family and friends, and sadly as always the MJ fans fighting like rabid squirrels. I was so angry at first. How could they not see??? I thought out loud "What the Hell is wrong with these people?" I had just spent over a week surrounded by so much LOVE... so much joy.... even the people who disagreed with one another were loving and kind, agreeing to disagree. The reality of why we were even gathering together had hit me like a ton of bricks in that Fire House, completely grounded me.
I hadn't really thought in depth about the Fire House experience. I think truly I was afraid to think about it. It seemed macabre at best. Then this weekend it finally became real to me why I had been placed in that moment in time... as God would have it. He is always so to the point. Not complicated like humans... the purpose was simply to convey the reality of what happened to His chosen child, His messenger, Michael Jackson. Simply to share it.
The fact sadly, sorrowfully is the very thing that has brought us all together:
Michael Jackson is dead. He was murdered. He is gone. Gone forever. That Is IT! Pure and simple.
It isn’t about what 'Jackson' is doing what, what tribute is happening or not happening, what betraying friend of Michael’s said what about what, or what one fan said or did to another. Sooo much ugliness. All of it means NOTHING! Absolutely NOTHING! It does not have one iota to do with why we are all gathered together connecting on the internet or at events. NONE of those things would be happening if Michael were still alive.
The travesty is that he was murdered and there still has been No Justice for Michael Jackson. The reality is that he was dead long before the paramedics were even called. The reality is even when the paramedics were called still not one person in that room with Michael tried to effectively revive him. The fact is there are many besides Conrad Murray responsible for the death of Michael Jackson who are NOT being held accountable. I for one will NOT BE SILENT! I want to see justice served on every last slimy, greedy excuse for a human being that took part in the demise of Michael Jackson. I pray every day for this to happen and I will not stop until my dying breath. If Michael Jackson can be murdered... I am still at a loss of words as to the magnitude of the coldness, the evil, the cover up and greed in this world.
The travesty is that he was murdered and there still has been No Justice for Michael Jackson. The reality is that he was dead long before the paramedics were even called. The reality is even when the paramedics were called still not one person in that room with Michael tried to effectively revive him. The fact is there are many besides Conrad Murray responsible for the death of Michael Jackson who are NOT being held accountable. I for one will NOT BE SILENT! I want to see justice served on every last slimy, greedy excuse for a human being that took part in the demise of Michael Jackson. I pray every day for this to happen and I will not stop until my dying breath. If Michael Jackson can be murdered... I am still at a loss of words as to the magnitude of the coldness, the evil, the cover up and greed in this world.
All this made me remember the beginning... when I had first through my own research began to see that Michael had been murdered and it wasn't just Conrad Murray who was responsible and tied to his death. I was shattered by grief over Michael's death. I felt the call to go to the first court house hearing. I felt God wanted me there. I dug out that story and here I am sharing it again. I needed to reread that. That feeling, that reality of true evil that took Michael Jackson from this world is WHY! Why we need to mobilize, Unite and rekindle a mammoth fight for JUSTICE for Michael Jackson! Why we need to put all ill feelings aside and stand for JUSTICE for Michael Jackson!
After attending Conrad Murray’s first arraignment at the Airport Courthouse I wrote a story for the MJ-Upbeat website. Bonnie, founder of MJ-Upbeat, has run this wonderful website and has always loved and supported Michael Jackson through the years and kept her website running for MJ since 2003. I am posting the story below because I want everyone to read it and realize:
It’s Time! It’s time to lay all else aside! It’s time to get back to what it’s all about!
Get Back To Why!
Get Back To Why!
It’s time to UNITE in PEACE! It’s time to stand again and demand JUSTICE!
The first day of court is Sept. 20th. If you can’t be there then pray. Pray for JUSTICE!
Start MJ Justice groups in your own towns and cities. Call the press and let them know!
Let the world know we will NOT forget, we STILL
and ALWAYS WILL LOVE and SUPPORT Michael Jackson, his children and his family.
Let the world know we will NOT forget, we STILL
and ALWAYS WILL LOVE and SUPPORT Michael Jackson, his children and his family.
We are NOT going anywhere!
We will continue to stand as Soldiers of LOVE for Michael Jackson!
What do soldiers do? They focus and they concentrate on the task at hand. Let go of the petty bickering, ridicule, judgement, backbiting, jealousies and futile, useless competition over meaningless things.
Focus on praying and standing for JUSTICE for MICHAEL. We are going up against Goliath’s stacked deck and only God can make that change... and I have learned that as Soldiers in God’s army prayers are important instruments of battle. Michael needs our prayers! I don’t care what group you are from or what level of misdeed toward Michael you believe took place... it all comes down to one thing... JUSTICE for Michael Jackson!
Come to the Courthouse, find a way to get there and stand UNITED in PEACE for JUSTICE for Michael Jackson on Sept. 20th. Let there be no mistake about WHY we are there...something very evil happened to Michael Jackson and we want JUSTICE.
Focus on praying and standing for JUSTICE for MICHAEL. We are going up against Goliath’s stacked deck and only God can make that change... and I have learned that as Soldiers in God’s army prayers are important instruments of battle. Michael needs our prayers! I don’t care what group you are from or what level of misdeed toward Michael you believe took place... it all comes down to one thing... JUSTICE for Michael Jackson!
Come to the Courthouse, find a way to get there and stand UNITED in PEACE for JUSTICE for Michael Jackson on Sept. 20th. Let there be no mistake about WHY we are there...something very evil happened to Michael Jackson and we want JUSTICE.
We Are His Voice Now!
Sept. 20, 2011 Be There!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
February 14, 2010
Betty Shares With Us Her Moments At Murray's Arraignment February 8, 2010
A Day with Dr. Death
by Betty
A call to action for all MJ fans had gone out via the internet to protest against Conrad Murray’s Non Arrest. Fans were now making plans to rally and stand together in protest against the “Non Arrest” on arraignment day at the Los Angeles Airport Court House. I had been one of the thousands of people calling in and emailing to demand Conrad Murray’s arrest “in handcuffs” for the murder of Michael Jackson, seven long months after his death.
I had no idea that my decision to hold a sign and stand for Michael Jackson would turn out to be a spiritual experience for me. I began to doubt I should be there at all, so I prayed asking for direction. I was also hesitant to make the drive there alone. Fear and anxiety had loomed over me... but I wasn’t sure if it was the sickening feeling of confronting Dr. Death or the not knowing where or what I was walking into. Although the drive was more than an hour it seemed to pass in just moments as I sang along with MJ the whole way... but as I reached the end of the journey fear gripped me again. I was praying and asking the Lord to help me as I pulled off the freeway and on to city streets. Feeling not so sure that I would actually take part I sent up one last request for an answer, some sort of assurance that I was truly suppose to be there and… then so crystal clear over the loudly playing MJ music that is the backdrop of my life…I heard MJ's voice from This Is It. "It's an adventure. We're going to go places we've never been before, do things we've never done before." All trepidation lifted from me, joy literally filled my heart and determination took root. Instead I now NEEDED to stand strong as an MJ Soldier of LOVE.
Because of this experience and a few others I feel MJ is so truly in heaven with the LORD! The Lord confirmed it for me again that day as I heard MJ’s words ring in my mind. I now know beyond any shadow of doubt that MJ is with his heavenly Father.
I arrived to find news crews and media from all over the world everywhere. A plethora of cables, trucks, satellite feeds, antenna towers and people just everywhere. Picking up my step I forged on up the drive and as I approached the curve to the front entrance suddenly a police officer barked “Mammm!” I looked around for the Mammm and realized he was referring to me. Ha-ha!. The sheriff impatiently repeated “Mammm” adding “PLEASE move to the side!” I did a quick side step and turned my head to see and feel the heat from the front Jackson caravan SUV glide by me. SUV after SUV motored up the driveway to the court house. I tried to quickly raise my sign to show them my support. Heaviness began to fill my heart. I was to find out later that the 1st SUV was indeed Michael’s dark blue Escalade.
Quickly I sought out familiar faces and found my wonderful, loving friends from MJFSC (Michael Jackson Fans of Southern California Face Book Page) were there at the front line. Every where I looked fans from other websites and Face Book pages were there in support of Michael. Some famous faces and every day people like me. Many new found friends with one common thread of love that ties us inexplicable together. My friend Robyn says “Each fan is a thread of a large tapestry woven together in a shroud of love to protect Michael forever”. Before me were people of all races, nations and creeds, there to stand as Soldiers of LOVE for Michael Jackson, standing now for JUSTICE FOR MICHAEL JACKSON.
As I approached the front of the line, with sign in hand, where MJFSC friends stood, a sheriff deputy instructed me to stay back on the other side of the court yard. Signs were not allowed within 150 feet of the walk way. I stepped back a few feet and lowered the sign. I was given a red armband to wear by Heidi and we helped each other attached our arm bands. Moments later the Jackson family emerged from their cars. The entire court yard seemed to take a simultaneous breath in. It may have been me but it was suddenly VERY quiet in spite of the clicking, flashing and camera jockeying everything suddenly seemed to all move in slow motion. The air was thicker and the grief was palpable.
First Jermaine and his wife stepped out and began to move up the walk toward the building, and then Joe Jackson who stood and waited for his wife and family, Tito also waited at car side and extended a helping hand to his mother, Katherine. Then Jackie, Rebbie and Latoya emerged along with some of Michael’s nephews, family members and friends. Katherine stood waiting for a moment or two for her family to gather around her and then began the slow, painful walk to the courthouse to confront her son’s murderer. I had the feeling Michael was at her side.
Oh how he loved his mother. Perfection is how he described her.
There were some fans who cried out “We LOVE you Katherine”,
“We LOVE you Jacksons”, “JUSTICE for MICHAEL”.
About fifteen minutes later Randy Jackson arrived. At first everyone thought it was Conrad Murray and the energy level immediately shot up several hundred notches, then realizing it was Randy immediately another collective breath out. Randy stepped from his car looking fresh and sharp but clearly weary from grief. He too received the same encouraging cheers of “We Love You Randy”, “JUSTICE for MICHAEL”. Then while sitting in the courtroom on Twitter Randy told the fans: Sitting in court and I'm sad. Those profiting most from my bro’s death: AEG, Randy Phillips, Kenny Ortega, Estate Executors r nowhere in sight 12:17 PM Feb 8th
We all took to our posts to wait for Dr. Death to arrive and then 1 hour later a white SUV pulled up. Was it just a coincidence a white SUV taxied him to the courthouse? I remembered a white SUV many years earlier in a slow chase by the L.A.P.D. down the 405 freeway as O.J. ran for his freedom. Others made the same comment. If CM’s lawyers had planned to bring him in on a white horse the plan had failed in our eyes. It was a detail not missed by most. The energy level shot up. I felt sick. My skin was crawling. I have never ever felt anything like it in my life. There was a force taking over. I had chills; the hair on my arms was standing on end. My feet left the ground as I sprang forward toward him hoisting my sign.
The justice on this day was quite different from the harsh treatment Michael received in his lifetime. Michael was handcuffed, humiliated and drug off to jail and he was completely innocent. This man admitted to giving the fatal medication which killed Michael Jackson and Homicide charges are already filed. I am hoping that at the very, very least the sheriffs will have him in handcuffs. He however stays true to his deceitful self and emerges from the car with his hands behind him and I am asking everyone around “Is he in handcuffs?” Everyone is looking and acknowledging “Yes he is in handcuffs!” Then he reveals as he walks and swings his arms freely to the front and adjusts his suit jacket that he is not hand cuffed at all.
We the fans had promised the Jackson’s we would be dignified and handle ourselves respectfully and I for one tried very hard to follow through with that request and stay civil and calm but when Dr. Death walked down the path I simply HAD to scream MURDERER! MURDERER!! JUSTICE FOR MICHAEL!! Most all of us did! Some just yelled WE LOVE YOU MICHAEL! I guess that would have been the more loving and dignified thing but I just couldn't muster it.
Everyone could see him clearly. He is very tall. People began to talk about him openly. I was disgusted he was not handcuffed. Somehow for me if he would have been hand cuffed it would have been a sign that justice would be served. Seeing him walking freely spoke volumes to me and it suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks. The gravity of the injustice extolled to Michael Jackson in his life and I began to cry openly. I had my sign and hid behind it and sobbed for Michael. That is when a journalist from Japan approached and behind my sign asked if he could interview me. He was a kind, soft spoken man and told me in Japan, Michael has many, many fans, which I already knew but hearing him share it was comforting. He seemed to love Michael too. So I spoke to him about my feelings and why I needed to be there as I cried for Michael.
The media was interviewing all the fans. It was so crazy. Media frenzy at every turn. I called in sick so couldn't let my face be seen on TV but apparently when you want to hide from the pap they only get intrigued. I realize now that I may have ‘possibly’ looked like Debbie Rowe hiding with my blonde hair behind my sign. I think every one of us was interviewed by news centers and stations all over the world. TMZ and CNN ran live feed. I hid behind my poster most of the day until my son called my cell and said "Uhh mom, I know you don't want to be seen but you are on live feed on CNN right now and they are filming your face" So I gave up hiding and helped to hold up the JUSTICE banner too. I was very low key but was personally interviewed by Los Angeles, Japan, South American and Australian news crews; those I remember but there were more. I was dizzy there were so many. I declined many requests. Most especially ALL of the Channel 7 interviews letting them know it was because they hired Martin Bashir to cover this trial. Martin Bashir a despicable man who I also hold accountable for Michael’s death, as well as Tom Sneddon. They might as well have been in the room with Murray that night. It felt good to voice that I have boycotted channel 7 because of Bashir’s dirty, twisted documentary and untrue, salacious treatment of Michael Jackson. I am sure the reporters really could care less about not getting an interview with a nobody like me but it felt darn good to stick up for MJ and voice my opinion to someone from the ABC.
We waited for any news from inside the court room, as crew after crew photographed posters and banners and interviewed fans non stop for what seemed like hours. I lost all track of time. It was a complete whirlwind. I began to get a tiny glimpse at Michael Jackson’s life. The non stop paparazzi frenzy that followed him everywhere was really too much to bear. The delicate way you have to word everything so it isn’t misconstrued or twisted. So much disregard for personal space, wishes and privacy. My heart ached for him, his family, his mother and his children.
Slowly messages were passed from friends who won lottery tickets to sit in the courtroom. The DA was asking for $300,000 bail. Not enough as far as the fans were concerned. Then shockingly it was lowered to $75,000. That was worse but better than the unfathomable $25,000. First no handcuffs and then a drop in the bucket bail amount, we all wanted him in jail NOW. Then the biggest insult, the end to this day of so called justice is just so sad.
My stomach aches. My heart breaks. My tears flow.
The arraignment is over. The judge sent the case "for safety reasons" to L.A. court after a minor scolding. CM’s punishment for murdering the biggest, most beloved entertainer in the world is:
1. He is no longer allowed to administer propofol.
What? Wouldn’t an anesthesiologist and not a cardiologist administer propofol anyway?
2. Oh yes and the very harsh disciplinary action by the judge also prohibits him from practicing medicine in California. Oh yeah that’s right…hmmm… his practices are in Texas and Nevada. 3. He was ordered to surrender his passport.
4. The next court appearance is set for April, if continuances are not granted.
Like a hot potato the judge said good riddance to the case and sent it downtown. Slapped CM on the wrist and basically sent him out the door. He arrived with bail bondsman in tow... paid the bail and left, somehow smuggled out. A travesty!
MJ’s song “They Really Don’t Care About Us” springs to mind.
Let's all pray the next judge is an MJ lover or at least a lover of common decency and
true justice. In the end Michael’s family went out the back door and the paparazzi ran to the back to mob them and Katherine was practically crushed. I felt so badly for her having to go through such a terribly long and unbelievable difficult day.
Myself along with many other fans were rooted where we stood waiting for the press
conference to begin. Several fans who only met one another that day stood together to hold up banners and signs for “Justice for Michael”. We placed ourselves directly behind the
Conrad Murray’s defense team on a wall where we were visible during the conference.
Conrad Murray’s defense team on a wall where we were visible during the conference.
They said something about “If the prosecution had any real proof of Conrad Murray’s guilt they would not have taken so long to bring charges." Our signs and chants calling for justice countered their typical hype and posturing.
Michael’s little brother, Randy Jackson, came out the front door, the same door he had gone in upon arrival and escaped most of the paparazzi. There was a sad and respectful silence in the courtyard as he walked through. Then shouts of “I Love You Randy”, “Thank You Randy”, “We Love You Randy” rang out. He very humbly waved to the fans and unceremoniously climbed in the front seat of the limo with his driver and they left. We waited and checked several doors but Conrad Murray was smuggled out.
Every time I picture those police officers huddled around Conrad Murray protecting him from the "fans" I just feel sick. How deeply I wish the fans could have protected Michael Jackson from Conrad Murray and so many others. I picture the raid on Neverland and the bruises on Michael’s arms. I am certain of one thing… NO ONE in this life gets away with murder…even if you manage to walk free on this earth. You will answer to the ultimate judge! Your evilness does not escape God’s eye.
I am feeling as if I will never stop, the world will never stop grieving the loss of Michael Jackson. Evil tried to stop Michael Jackson but has not succeeded. Will not ever succeed! Every fiber of Michael’s being was all about LOVE and even in death he is STILL spreading his L.O.V.E.
The tapestry of MJ’s LOVE grows more everyday as fans continue to connect with one another all around the world, brought together by Michael Jackson, and in so doing one of his greatest desires to unite the world in LOVE is being achieved.
Photo credit CowboyMJ Jackson MJFSC, Karlene Taylor MJFSC, Toby Canham/Getty Images, Fredrick M. Brown/ Getty Images,
- Betty
Posted on MJ-Upbeat February 13, 2010
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Thank you Betty!
"I will Forever Be Counting Backwards from June 25, 2009"
Betty Byrnes
Betty Byrnes
Awesome Justice video which incorporates groups, by Robyn Starkand.
Please as you watch this video remember why we are all gathering at the courthouse and bring honor, respect and LOVE with you for Michael on Sept. 20, 2011. All differences and opinions pale in comparison to what happened to Michael Jackson on June 25, 2009.
